What Not to Do (Kallisti)

[Nox]

The movement ended, and they spun straight into the third act with Juls and Mandy taking the stage as Demeter begging Zeus for help to find her daughter. It was a beautiful ballet dance.

Mae wrapped her arms around Nox on his right side with ease. ”You did good with that one.” He held her close with a side hug.

Nox shrugged. ”I only gave them a structure, they made it their own.”

Mae grinned up at him. ”That’s why we love working with you. You aren’t bossy, except when you are. Your mom would be so proud.”

”She was always proud of me, no matter what I did. She’d have liked this though.” A tear slid down his cheek.

Nox and Mae watched the girls pirouette and chaseé across the stage. Their technique was flawless — they could dance in the big places if they wanted to. But Juls was dead set on being a doctor, and Mandy enjoyed the other aspects of dancing here. Nox agreed with Mandy, though their reasons were different. It wasn’t the sexy appeal here, or even being an object of attention Nox craved — it was the family. And he still felt it slipping away with each passing moment.

Mae squeezed his side. ”It’ll be okay. We love you both.”

Nox shook his head. ”None of you deserve my shit.”

The girls moved with precision but the movements changed with each run through. Their improv was perfect together. Ribbons and clothes flew as they fought back and forth. It was amazing watching them. And Nox was grateful for the break as he only had to hold the patterns for them. Each weave was carefully placed and monitored. He could feel the sweat beading on his forehead from the lights, exertion of dancing and holding as many weaves as he was. The power was almost more exhausting then the rest of the skit.

[Oriena]

Ori watched Jaxen on the cameras for a while before her attention fizzled to boredom. She was barely surprised with the distraction he chose for himself, but it eroded what remained of her patience with sitting nicely. Her head tipped back against the leather chair. The idle drum of fingers against the studded arm gripped in frustration and released. Then she stood.

A maddening mix of protectiveness and possession anchored her to the club. If Jaxen wasn’t going to provide the entertainment, she’d have to find her own.

Shadows swathed backstage. The click of her heels was not shy, and nor was the hand that snaked around Nox’s waist from behind. Her chin rested on his shoulder, watching the girls and their dance. By the concentration she’d glimpsed on his expression, the sheen of sweat, and the spectacle of the stage, she knew he was busy grappling with the power. “If you want me to behave, you need to give me something to fucking do.” The curve of her smirk was plain wicked; knowing full well she was making his job that much harder.

[Nox]

[[ ooc: Trigger Warning -- suicide ideation is below do not read if it is a triggering topic!!! ]]

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Nox smelled and heard Oriena approach before her body was near, before her arm snaked around him.  Her chin on his shoulder made him smile. It was endearing, though he knew she was a spider spinning her thread.  Nox chuckled at her words. "You really want to make everything hard tonight don't you?" There was no denying that he'd been holding back the horde.  He missed Raffe and needed him in so many ways he was only now starting to fathom. He was the light in all his darkness. He was the reason he got up in the morning and Nox knew that was not an easy burden for anyone to bear.

Mae chortled at his words.  She looked at Nox and the leaned around to speak to her boss. "He loves Raffe don't make him hate himself more."  She left Nox and Oriena with a sigh.

"She's wrong about that.  There is nothing more you can do to make me hate myself more."  Though he wouldn't have ever said that to someone who cared.  They'd probably throw him in a psych ward and lock the door once he was there. 

She was so close.  Smelled so much like home.  With the power wrapping him up he was so close to the emptiness but he stayed outside felt every ache and pain, ever last bit of agony his thoughts caused him.  He'd do anything to avoid blood shed tonight.  He'd brought the Atharim to his home, and now it lay under siege and no one even knew the price he'd pay to keep everyone there safe.  "I'll be the fly to your spider, Oriena.  How shall I entertain you?"

Nox watched the girls skit go from begging to anger and the sexual undertones grew with each wild thrust from Zeus.  And Demeter's pleas became more exaggerated.  The mockery continued and Nox spun the tale with the patterns he and Juls were supposed to handle together, but he did it all.  He felt the weight of the power stretching him thin.  But he'd play Ori's little game.  "Maybe you'd like to make me break my promise to Raffe for the second time?"  A dark smile drew his lips apart.  "Or maybe you'd like to watch me burn up in the draw of too much power.  Become a husk of what I once was.  Broken and yearning for the light I can never touch again."

He drew upon the power just a little more, just enough to feel the strain in every muscle as he carried three flows around the stage. He tied one of the lights off and drew a thin weave of razor sharp air across his wrists, barely deep enough to draw blood. "Watch me bleed out on your expensive floors?  Or suck the barrel of a gun waiting to see if I'll ever pull the trigger?" He'd thought about it, but it had been a while.  But that thought was also why Damnation was locked away in a storage locker to far to use -- out of sight, out of mind. 

Nox knew rock bottom when he hit it.  He had to talk to Raffe.  One way or the other he had to talk to him. He had to know what way to go, where he fixed the problem.  Because it was a problem and there was no one here to pull him out.

Through all the words tears fell down his cheeks.  His voice never cracked, no show of emotion other than the tears as he concentrated on the work at hand.  But he had one last suggestion to offer. "There is always calling your Ijiraq friends to come suck the life from me.  That would be a fitting end -- feeding a fucking monster."

He glanced over at Ori perched on his shoulder. "What does the spider do when the fly caught in her web wants to die?" But that was a lie -- he didn't want to die.  He was fucking afraid of it. But he was more afraid of being alone in his darkness. "Tell me, Ori, what game you'd like to play."

[Zephyr]

[ continuing Jaxen and Zef in The Depths of Hell ]