The First Age

Things had been getting better. She hadn't had bad thoughts for awhile. Work was going well and she was feeling like herself again. She sighed contentedly as she headed back to the building after work, dressed in a tight pain of jeans and covered in her coat. Her makeup was still done; she usually took it off at home. Anna needed some time and Elyse understood that. She had Anna ready to respond if need be, so Anna headed to her own home. She had to take care of things there every once in awhile, and tonight seemed like a good night. Elyse didn't plan on staying up too late anyways.

She opened the door and headed up the stairs. She heard some noise on the second floor, like people talking quietly. She slowed down, not wanting to interrupt or scare anyone. When she arrived there was one man there standing. Elyse recognized him, but she didn't remember why at first. Then the memory came back like a train.

She was in the Vegas house. Nox had been gone for the night and wasn't in bed when she woke up. She came downstairs to find a man. This man - smelling of sex and Nox. The memory was hazy, dampened by the inner conflict that she had in that moment. He had ran, and it had taken everything in her to not give chase. He had taken what was hers, and the wolf had wanted to respond to that.

She had gotten over Nox, but that didn't stop the memories. It didn't stop the wolf from trying to rise. Golden eyes stared at the man as she felt her own inner conflict trying to rise. She pushed it down, surpressing it and tried to move, but her feet remained glued to the spot. She knew this would be crucial, not only for her, but for the safety of the other man. She didn't hold a grudge against him or Nox, but the wolf was the wolf, and was responding to what it felt was a threat.

"Please...don't run," she said, her tone laced with concern and strained. She began to take deep breaths, trying to calm the beast within. She began to look around trying to ground herself.

Jay was still hunched over, double-checking the laces on his wet boots when he heard the sound of footsteps behind him, and straightened slowly. He didn’t know what he expected, another kid probably. But instead, it was Nox.

Fresh from the shower. Damp skin flushed from the heat. Towel low on his hips. Water beading down his collarbone, glistening across his chest. Somehow, he looked more dangerous like this. Stripped of armor, raw, casual, and sexier than ever.

Jay blinked.

He hadn’t expected him so soon. Hadn’t expected him at all.

Shame pooled low in his stomach, not because of what happened, but because he hadn’t said goodbye. He’d just… slipped away. Like a coward. Like something half-formed, still running from things he wanted.

Nox’s voice rang out, casual as ever. “Sky, unblock Jay’s number so he can leave that text.”

Jay's stomach turned.

Unblock.

So that’s why the silence had been so fucking complete. Nox had cut him off. Entirely. A sharp little pang twisted under his ribs. Surprise, then disappointment, then something darker. He glanced at the ceiling, as if "Sky" were watching him from above. A home assistant, probably. Voice-activated security. Perfect. He was locked in with someone who had literally muted him from existence. The same someone he could still taste on the tongue.

Jay’s jaw tightened. “You’re locking me in now?” he muttered, low but sharp as a blade.

“What’d you do? Lock the doors? Going to tie me up if I try to walk out now? I know you want to.” The humor was a hint that the Jay Nox once knew was still inside his own head, but he was buried deep, afraid to come into the light.

Nox offered a drink. Whiskey and American, good stuff. The kind that usually would’ve softened the edge. Jay shook his head without even looking.

“No. I’m not drinking anymore.”

He realized, a moment later, how unusual that probably sounded. Nox had seen him half- and full-drunk more than once. Sometimes it had helped. Sometimes it had started fights. It probably sounded odd to him.

Just as he said, he tried the door. The handle was lodged.

“Of course, I can’t leave,” he muttered, biting back a curse.

He pulled out his wallet and thumbed through his ID screen, pausing at the glowing interface. Natalie’s name hovered there for a second. He stared. Then he tapped a quick message:

Got delayed. Ran into someone. Catching up. Be back later.

He didn’t say who. He didn’t explain. Not yet.

He tucked the wallet back and ran a hand through his hair, which was still damp and messy. Then rubbed a palm over the stubble along his jaw, trying to shake the tension crawling under his skin. The whiskey sat untouched on the counter.

Jay paced. Once. Twice. Then paused, arms folded.

His eyes flicked back toward the direction he came. Toward Nox’s bedroom. He imagined the man inside a few moments ago, toweling off. Getting dressed. Still damp. He could still taste Nox. Still feel the pressure of his mouth. The pull on his coat. That offer… silent, open, willing. His body was tight with denial, skin stretched over too much want and nowhere to put it.

Shit, he was still hard. Not visibly, not anymore, but the hunger lingered in the muscle of his thighs, in the heavy pulse at the base of his spine. The sight of Nox in that towel hadn’t helped. If anything, it had made it worse.

Jay rubbed his temple. This is fucking ridiculous. He caught himself staring toward the hallway again, jaw clenched, eyes dark.

He didn’t know where he was going. Just that he couldn’t stay. And yet, here he was. Trapped. Dripping. Torn. Aroused.

And then, footsteps. Soft, quiet. He hadn’t heard them until she was practically at his side. Young. Maybe 20s. Pale. Tall. Thin but muscular and fit. Her hair was damp at the ends, like she’d also come in from the sleet. Her eyes met his, and something passed through them. Recognition. But he didn’t recognize her. Her breath caught. Her body stiffened like she was bracing for impact, as if just seeing him stirred something dangerous.

“Uh, well, seems Nox locked down the doors, so I can’t run if I wanted to.” He glanced back at Nox as if he might offer an explanation.

Nox came back out dressed in a pair of shorts and t-shirt. He found Elyse holding her ground and Jay looking towards him as if he were really a captive.

Nox shrugged and sighed. "I would rather be the one tied up but if that's what you want I'm game." He said with nothing in his voice.

Liam rushed down the stairs and around the corner. He'd been sitting on the stairs. He did that often when conflict was about to rise. He didn't come to Nox, he rushed around to Elyse and tugged on her hands. "Come with me Elyse." He had an intuitive nature about what needed to be difused.

"Sky let Jay go if he really wants to." Nox frowned. "I'd never make you stay anywhere you don't want to be. I just didn't want you go go home in the cold and you're a stubborn fucking ass who would do it just because he thinks he deserves to be in pain. Trust me I know the feeling. Walk out. Runaway."

Liam turned to look at him shouting. "NOX!"

Nox looked at him with the question of what? on his face. He didn't say it. Liam rolled his eyes and turned to Jay as he pulled at Elyse to leave with him. "Forgive Nox. He's a numb dumbass. He's not himself. And even despite whatever happened between you, the two of you need to get over whatever it is. Nox doesn't have many friends, and friends are the only people who come to this house. So Nox stop being a dickhead and mind your fucking manners."

Nox looked at Liam being in charge. He would do well. Nox sighed and walked back over to the bar and put the whiskey away and instead poured two glasses of water and set one on the far side of the island for Jay. "At least wait for the car."

Elyse's hands began to shake as she struggled with the internal conflict. Her eyes didn't leave the man, and she didn't hear what he said to her. She barely even noticed Nox's arrival. Suddenly she felt someone grab her arm and pull lightly, trying to remove her from the area. She resisted slightly and barely held back the growl that built in her throat. She had no idea who was pulling her, but her rational brain took control enough to follow, even if her eyes continued to stare at the man - a predator watching its prey.

When he was out of sight, she began to resist the pull again, the wolf trying to take control. Her breath began to hitch for a moment as she reminded herself to breathe. The shallow breaths became deep breaths as she began to center herself. It was then she noticed that Liam had her.

The wolf was retreating and she was regaining control. She felt the pain inside again, but didn't say anything. She no longer resisted Liam, instead she turned to follow wherever he would take her. She looked to the ground, ashamed and embarrassed that she had almost lost control again, barely holding back the tears.

Jay had one boot fully laced, his wallet halfway back in his coat pocket, when everything seemed to hit at once.

Voices rising. Footsteps. That girl standing in the middle of the room like she might actually pounce. Her eyes locked onto him with a look that didn’t belong on a woman's face. It was animal. Barely human. Like she could smell something on him. Something rotten. Something familiar.

It was chilling.

He didn't know her at all. Not really. He wracked his brain to try and remember. To place her in their past, but it was empty. Yet she knew something. And that scared him more than he liked. He stood, fast. Too fast. The scrape of the chair where he'd been putting on his shoes was sharp, a punctuation mark against Nox’s detached quip about being tied up. Jay shot him a look: half warning, half exhausted. Now was not the time.

He felt Liam rush by, blur and motion, tugging the girl’s hands, pulling her away from whatever had her locked onto Jay like prey.

For a breath, a long, tight breath, the only thing he wanted was to throw the door open and be gone. Fuck it. All of it. The house, the heat, and the whiskey he wasn’t drinking and the girl who stared at him like his soul was made of ash.

But her eyes. That look. Like she was trying not to come apart. Dammit. Jay’s feet moved before his brain could veto the choice. And he followed. Around the corner, down the hallway, where the light dimmed and Liam was still half-pulling her, still being the adult no one asked him to be.

Jay slowed his steps, not wanting to spook her, but also knowing the damage might’ve already been done. She wasn’t fighting anymore, but she was clearly wrecked. Shoulders tense. Breaths hitching. Face turned down, like the shame was bigger than the body holding it. Jay stopped a few feet behind them.

“Hey wait,” he said, voice low, knife-edged but careful.

Liam was there. Protective. Brave. But Jay wasn’t looking at him.

His eyes were on her.
“I’m not... I’m not here to hurt anyone,” he said, hands up slightly in a show of peace. “...despite what it looks like. But you looked at me like you knew me. Like I did something.”

He swallowed. The hallway felt too warm. Too close. And his coat still stuck to his shoulders.

Nox didn't interfere as Jay followed Elyse around the corner to go upstairs. They weren't far and he heard what he said. Why not tell him he'd be party to the first end of Nox's relationships. Sure why the fuck not. Nox looked at the door he'd closed over the alcohol and sighed. If only he drank. Nox sighed and downed the glass of water and absently started to make a bottle for Lily it was nearing her wake up time and Liam would be busy with Elyse. She was probably going to go down yet another spiral. And everyone was so worried about him.

He didn't follow but he listened as best he could

---

Liam watched as Jay can around asking what he'd done to deserve the look. Liam didn't expect he'd have learned of it this way, but he stepped between Jay and his friend his eyes on her. He wouldn't let Elyse lose control. He couldn't stop her but he was here, he would hold her hands until she calmed down. But he didn't get anymore in the way. He was just there.

Elyse could smell his scent approaching, and she steeled herself. She couldn't lose control. She didn't want to lose control. She wasn't mad at him. She wasn't mad at Nox, but memories of the situation brought the wolf and it tried to take control. It wanted to take control. Resisting was hard. Liam's held her hands. He knew the danger, but he did it. She needed to remember who she was - what she was.

The man spoke words and she heard them, kept them in her mind as she tried to remember. She couldn't respond yet, she searched for herself, refusing to give in, and refusing to spiral. But she needed something...needed something to...

"Remember I'm human. Sky - remind me that I'm human," the words came out finally, as she summoned her courage to say them.

Sky responded and suddenly the selfie of her and Marta was projected in the room. She looked at it, backing up until she was against the wall. Elyse slid until she was sitting on the floor, staring at the image projected. Elyse and Marta in a side embrace, smiling. Marta was why she was still here - her reason to get up in the morning.

Elyse could feel the wolf inside receding. She could feel her humanity taking over as she remembered. The room became quiet, and as her golden eyes met his, looking more human than before, she hesitated to speak. She remembered his words. He didn't mean to hurt anymore, and he didn't remember their brief encounter at the Vega house.

Her mouth moved, but no words came out. She looked at the floor, then Liam, and then finally at the projected image. She was surprised that she wasn't crying and didn't feel the need to. There was some guilt, even if she did nothing wrong.

"Our meeting was brief," she said, looking him straight in the eyes. "After... her voice trailed off as she tried to remember. "A concert I think. At the house the next morning. You..." Her voice trailed off again, having trouble finding the words. "You didn't do anything...but the wolf didn't see it that way. It thinks you took what was mine...and then you ran..."

Elyse didn't say more. It hurt to say it. Not because of the break up - not because she had know the wolf had wanted to tear his throat out that day, and it had almost come to that again, but because she knew Nox could probably hear. After their reconciliation and after all he had done for her, she was going to tear him apart again.

Jay was strangely quiet for once, watching her sink to the floor like someone defusing a bomb inside her own head. That image hanging in the air, this girl with her arm around another one made his throat feel tight. Like he’d stepped into a moment he didn’t deserve to see.

And then she spoke. Not much. Just enough. Ah. Shit. What did I do? But no. No, her tone wasn’t accusing like that. Not exactly. And she didn’t look afraid of him, she looked like she wanted to rip his throat out and then maybe bawl into a pillow.

And then… he made the connection.

It felt like a lifetime ago. The concert. The red-haired serial killer dude. Nox's couch. The surprise the first time Nox kissed him, not having gotten the vibes that he would be into such a thing. It was the first time he channeled, in so far as he was aware at the time. The power. The heat. Then bottles of tequila. The hangover that followed him out the door. He barely remembered leaving. Let alone who was there on the way out.

He looked at this girl again. Not just at her face, but the way she looked at him. Not like a stranger. Not like someone who’d been there for him. But someone who’d been there for Nox. Who hated Jay for well-validated feelings and was torn up inside about them. The guilt hit like a punch to the ribs. A million times worse than anything he might have done to Nox himself.

He dragged a hand through his still-wet hair. His skin felt tight, stretched too thin. “Shit,” he muttered. “You guys were together, weren’t you?”

He didn’t expect her to answer. She didn’t have to. He peeled himself away from her eyes. They seemed to shine from inside, worse, like they could see inside him. He shifted his weight, cleared his throat, and cautiously approached. It was a comfortable distance that he slid down the wall next to her, laying his arms across his knees.

"I'm sorry," he said, and now he was the one issuing apologies that he knew wouldn't work. “I was… drunk. Like, not even regular drunk. Just… gone. I think I still had half a bottle in me when I left.”

He scratched at his jaw, still not looking at her.

“I’m not trying to say that makes it okay, just... explaining, I guess.”

He rubbed the back of his neck as he studied the hand in his line of sight. He hadn't noticed the blooming bruise until now.

Elyse didn't even know this guy's name. He didn't know hers. This conversation felt weird, but she felt like she owed it to him. His apologies weren't necessary. He didn't understand. Very few people did if she explained it to them. Elyse didn't even think Nox, who knew what she was, hadn't really comprehended what had happened that day. Nox blamed himself for what happened. She was sure of it. He had knowingly cheated on her, whereas this guy hadn't even known she existed. But the situation was infinitely more complicated.

"You did nothing wrong. You didn't know," she said, knowing that immediately it sounded like she was throwing Nox under the bus."And Nox...well...he was figuring things out then - things that...it's not my place to say...but it wasn't really his fault either. I was just..." She turned her gaze away from him, and rested the back of her head on the wall and looking up at the picture of her and Marta as she tried to come up with the right word. "Collateral damage."

The words hit her hard, and brought to mind the reason why she had really been upset then. The cheating and the break up had been upsetting. They had hurt her dearly, but in reality, she also had felt like the victim of terrible circumstances. It seemed like it always happened that way. Things beyond her control always pushing.

"See, I'm special - I can't sling around fire and make water appear out of thin air, but I have this thing with wolves - can talk to them and have some wolf-like abilities," she faced him, allowing him to see the wolf eyes. She wasn't embarrassed of who she was at all. "With that comes, for lack of a better word, wolf-spirit within me. Wolves are territorial. I never thought of Nox as my property or anything. He was my boyfriend, but the wolf...well...it thought otherwise. And when I smelled him on you...it wanted to assert itself. Then you ran and it wanted to hunt. Then tonight - it tried to grab hold again. Tonight was easier to fight it back. The wolf is my blessing," her voice got softer and more reluctant. "And my curse."

Elyse explained only to give background for why she had reacted the way she had. The man smelled guilty as hell, and she wasn't sure he would take her words to heart or not. She hoped Nox would understand too. He didn't need deal with that guilt. Of course, he might not feel it at all. He didn't feel anything anymore. Elyse brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, feeling very small right now.

Nox listened to Elyse's simple explanation, she didn't know what really went on down in the basement only the exit strategy and Jay slipping out the door smelling like sex and him. There were things that either of them didn't know. Hadn't been told. It didn't matter anyway, not anymore.

There was breif stab of guilt in Nox's body at what had gone down that night. There was a stab of sadness that Jay blamed their first night together on being drunk. It had been an awakening for him, he hadn't been drunk. Nox had found himself in Jay and that was the reason he was tempting, always there when Nox needed that reminder of who he was. He woke him up from the closeted mindset of his father and it could have all been just a mistake for Jay.

And then he apologized to her. There was fury in his veins for a brief moment. Nox shook the bottle of formula for Lily a little harder than usual as the feeling faded. Nox tried to hold on to the feeling even the anger. He wanted to feel something. Hayden had been right not feeling sucked. But so does the guilt and the nightmares. He was fucked either way.

Sky spoke through the speak on his phone in the hushed mechanical voice of her whisper. "The car is here."

Nox nodded and headed down the hall to Lily's room and sent a text to Jay.

The car is here. Doors are unlocked. I release you from your captivity. And again I'm sorry for everything including my vapid mouth.

And then he sent Liam a text

The car is here. I'm feeding Lily, the kitchen is empty. He doesn't need to see me.

Nox smiled geniuniely down at Lily as she started to stir, she hadn't fully woken yet as he picked her up and carried her to the rocking chair to feed her. This was the only time he was every happy or felt anything real for more than a fleeting moment -- when he held her in his arms. It made him want to cry but there were no tears to be had. There was nothing but dull gray life with moments of color like this. But it would fade in a moment, no matter how many smiles he got from her, or coos or giggles it always faded.