Control didn't have to be forced, but though Tehya wished to believed in the goodness of people, all too often she was confronted with the reverse. Power had a way of coaxing out the darker aspects, of twisting good intentions beyond all recognition. Right now the godlings were ununited, lost in the confusion of gifts they did not understand. They were dangerous, but not as dangerous as they might become. Of those who suvived the Sickness, even less learned how to truly control the Spirits, and for an army to be useful, they would need to be taught. But the very teaching, gone awry, was a frightening concept. A very, very large risk.
Tehya didn't trust to the good natures of other people, no matter how desperately she wished to believe in them, and she was wary of helping to create a weapon that could not be controlled if it should spiral away from their good intentions. As much as the concept turned her stomach, she did believe in the necessity for the Atharim to have a way of removing threats - the Spirits, for reasons of their own, did not always treat with those who would use their aid wisely and for good. On the other hand, even within the ranks of her brothers and sisters, she understood the ways in which such a thing might be grossly misused. The Regus might condone Aria's task - and he must for her to speak so openly of it - but from what she had said, she doubted he would approve of her methods.
"How do you propose to do it?"
The curiosity in her tone was genuine. Though laced internally with uncertainty. She wished to hear Aria's ideas before she offered her own, aware that in doing so she might betray an insider's knowledge. The possibility of revealing herself, of what it would mean, settled heavy on her thoughts, but Tehya was not one to shy away from risk when it was necessary. After all, Aria was correct; the best shot they had at neutralising the Ascendancy was with one of his own crafted by the hands of the Atharim. Aria was looking at her first recruit.
Aria could feel the doubt from Tehya, Aria doubted her own thoughts. She knew she could not take down Apollyn herself, not alone, it was after all a death sentence if you tried. There was no reliable way to get away after trying to kill someone of such high stature in the world.
The question wasn't unexpected, but Aria didn't really have a great answer to it. "I suppose we'd have to find a reborn god who'd be able to help. I doubt there is even a mortal alive who could control a god in any form or fashion."
Controlling A god for Sentient might be possible, she had her hands on one, but Dane was hardly reliable, nor did she think that he would even agree. He was such a mystery to Aria and as it seemed very much on her mind. She pushed those thoughts away. The guilt from earlier tried to creep in. It always tried to creep in when she thought of Dane. It was harder and harder to push it away. Right and wrong, the line had been crossed. Aria pushed away all feelings, every one, she shut herself tight inside her little bubble of protection. The emptiness was better than guilt.
"An alliance needs to be made between the gods that can be trusted and the Atharim. Control, for all I care it's a token control, to appease the higher-ups. An item that says, you think you have me, reality being they fight freely, their own will their own. A token to show they are on our side, so gung-ho Ahtarim don't take down the friendlies."
Aria smiled, "I know this could get me into a lot of trouble, just the thought of working with the gods for the greater good. But I don't see any other alternatives. I know I can't kill Ascendancy by myself. The Regus told me I could use all the tools at my disposal, though I doubt he thought I'd do this."
"Us,"
she cut in in firmly. "It could get us in trouble."
Or killed, most likely. But the point was that Tehya was firmly on side, and with such a strong resonance of loyalty it was unmistakable. She might be uncertain of the methods, vague as they still were, but the determination with which she greated the cause was solid.
"Killing the Ascendancy changes nothing. The CCD will crumble, and others will rise in his place. We will trade one prominant god for several, most like. It will mean war. Yet, if we do nothing, others will one day rise to challenge him. War will still result, and innocents will still suffer. The Atharim... we are not equipped for conflict on that scale. Our only hope is to quash it before it gains momentum. Killing achieves nothing. Villfying children only teaches hate. And fear."
And women, at least, did Sickened young. Such youth would be easier to focus, to train a moral core; just as her Dustu had done for her her. She was thinking long term, beyond her own mortal years. "Working with the gods, teaching them of their gifts. Of their responsbility. A daunting task, but ultimately worthwile. Convincing our brethren, though."
A bitter laugh, the memories of her own past a deluge. She missed her grandfather so desperately in that second; his tolerance and foresight and love. Most of all his trust in her, to take the risk that allowed her to live. It was thinking of them, and more specifically the consequences they might face, that deadened her tongue to admitting to Aria what she was. The risk to herself she would take, but to them? Even across the ocean, where the religious arm of the Atharim had a lesser touch, where Atharim worked alone or in familial groups. It still worried her. "You are right. The ruse of control will be necessary."
She crossed the room, took the chair at the desk that Aria hadn't. It had probably been a polite gesture from the off, but Tehya had only now relaxed enough to accept the offer. Though perhaps relax was the wrong word, by the serious cast of her expression. Thoughts tumbled through her head, the calculation of danger - the long horizon of the future, the image of which nudged her towards the risk. Her gaze drew up. She had moved to allow Aria freedom to run for the door for a reason. "I trust you, Aria. And you can trust me. I swear an oath on it."
There was rarely anything light about Tehya, but the weight of promise in her words now eclipsed even her usual sobriety. It took a second longer than usual, battling back the instincts she had spent a lifetime honing, but with an upturned palm she allowed a single flame to dance. "I can help you in this goal."
Aria blinked at the flame dancing, the light making shadows that were not there moments before. She really didn't know what to say to the declaration that she wielded the power of the gods. Another so-called monsters walking the halls of the Atharim, unknown. It made Aria smile. "While I've encountered others like you, I must say you are the first woman. "
But she wasn't sure if she wanted to tell Tehya her own secrets. But she supposed trust was a two way street. Though Aria wondered why anyone would want to trust her, she doubted her own convictions, plotted against what was proper.
And there really was no way to put it, nothing of proof to tell of her origins. Did it really matter? Truth, the word felt like a dagger through her heart. There were things she wasn't willing to tell anyone. But being Sentient wasn't going to stay hidden forever, Father Dimitri or the Regus would see to that. Honesty, could she pull it off? Now? It seemed so distant, being the caring person. Being untainted from the corruption of her own powers.
Aria rummaged through a pile of books and found the letter her mother had left her. The truth of her birth, or as much of it that she had learned anyway. She handed it to Tehya. "In trust, we share."
Aria waited for Tehya to finish. "My father was Sentient, I am not Furia like my mother."
She smiled. "For my birthright, the Regus sends me to kill Ascendancy."
Aria laughed. It wasn't funny. Though she was sure it had more to do than that, wrong place, wrong time was more like it. She'd been the unfortunate soul to walk in on their discussion of the topic. Aria reiterated the same thought to Tehya.
"I suppose as the expert you'd have more of an idea how to proceed."
Tension corded her muscles, but eased at Aria's calm reaction. She closed her palm, and the flame winked out. The Spirits whispered away in the same second, darkening the brief crystal clarity of her vision. Her confession was strangely liberating, the freedom of it, the honesty. Aria now knew more of her than any in the CCD, and it should frighten her - betrayal did not, after all, always constitute a choice - but she only felt a weary peace. A smile flickered across her lips, perhaps because she knew for a fact, thanks to Connor, that Aria had not been so circumspect in hiding her Atharim identity, and so the revelation did not surprise her. At least, by her reaction now, Tehya assumed she had not extinguished the gods she had met.
It reminded her of her own questions still waiting to be asked, but Elias and his Ijiraq would need to wait.
She was surprised to receive the letter, and it fluttered across her expression, loosening its intensity to something more human. In trust we share. She read, and though the personal nature of it twisted a little discomfort in her stomach, she finished to the end. Sentient. She'd said enough, she thought, to convey her opinion on the Atharim's treatment of otherness within its own ranks, so she said nothing further, but a muscle worked in her jaw. You mean he sends you to suicide. She placed the letter delicately back on the desk in front of her, wondering if Aria found the knowledge precious or a burden, but disinclined anyway to leave any mark on the paper.
"I could teach, I think. For our prospective allies to be safe. And sometimes I can recognise the ability in others. I can help find them."
For speaking what amounted to heresy, she felt calm. If she were outed as consequence of this risky plan, even if their end goals were met, Tehya would be left with nothing. Without the Atharim her life was a void, filled with nothing and no-one. She was aware for the potential for sacrifice, but it did not stop her; testament to how thoroughly she had been trained. "But. I don't know that I can convince others as to why they should... rebel against the Ascendancy. Aria, we must be very careful that in doing this, we do not aid the start of war."
The concern pressed lines into her brow.
"War is coming regardless."
Aria knew this for fact. "Apollyon born into this world heralded it."
Aria remembered the parchment she'd read, rather felt. Felt the doom and destruction. She remembered the fear and the death on it's linen paper. It was coming, and it was going to be big, and terrible. The slain oroborous. Many versions, many ideas about the oroborous. The oroborous represented time with out end, always around and around. Could the Ascendancy really destroy time itself? Or was it something simpler. Something more prophetic towards the Atharim. The end of the Atharim. Aria took a deep breath, and told Teyha of the feelings she'd had reading the parchment for the Regus.
"The slain orobours could be many things. The death of time. Just a mere picture of the scared tattoo upon Ascendancy's skin. Or worse yet, the end of the Atharim as we know it. Any which way, it will bring war. I know it. I feel it. "
"I can't stop a war. But we can be sure that we are at least prepared for the eventuality. Finding others like you would be good. Teaching them even better. Even if they don't follow the cause, they'd be less likely to destroy themselves or others. A balance as you said must be reached. Protecting the innocent, it's our job. It's what we were trained to do."
Was she being a hypocrite, protecting the innocent. She'd not done that recently, and was likely to follow suit again. Aria knew her powers were growing, and she had to learn to control them before they overwhelmed her completely. Her own hatred for what she was only grew with each moment she spent with in the halls of the Atharim.
War is coming regardless. Fact. And yet Tehya was loathe to help ignite the catalyst. Her conscience would crumble.
She nodded, finally reconciling her concerns with the necessity. The picture Aria painted. It felt right. For the briefest of moments she wondered if Aria were using her ability; if she had pressed upon Tehya's emotions to guide a reaction, but the suspicion only fluttered once and was gone. Her Dustu would approve of this, she was sure; he would be proud. Together they would arm the Atharim with the means to buffer against the prophetic war, a war her hopeful heart still wished they could avoid, delay, even minimise. Whether her brothers and sisters accepted it or not, in order to survive this - in order to protect the world that had given bloody oaths to protect - they needed to evolve. Sacrifice by any means.
"A balance,"
she agreed, gripping the word like a mantra. The veneer of control was still an issue; if they were discovered, their plans would be quashed before they even started, their lives likely forfeit. The control, its pretence, would offer a thin protection, at least, if worse came to worst. "These gods you have encountered. Would any of them be suitable?"
Then. "There was something else. An Ijiraq. I hunt one. It spoke to someone, someone who perhaps might be useful to us, and I need to find it. Father Stone said you killed one. How did you do it?"
Would any of them be suitable? Perhaps. Her savior was learned in his gifts. But she didn't know his name, she could find him, easily, if he was still in Moscow. Aria didn't want to bother hunting him otherwise, it became difficult then. He seethed anger, it should be easy to pick up his flavor again.
Giovanni and Jensen, they were typical knights in shinning armor, never quite satisfied to leave her alone to do her job.
Dane was not, she wasn't about to mention him to anyone. The less their connection was known, the better her secret was. The guilt tried to push in, the fact that she'd killed four people the prior night. Four! She pushed it away, she didn't want to feel their deaths on her soul.
Aria nodded, "Potentially. I can't tell you much more than their names. And one, I'd have to track, I have no name, only his emotions."
The ijiraq she hadn't killed alone. She had left a lot out of her report to Father Stone. Luck! But this was an honest conversation. But none of the Ijiraq she had encountered had spoken, that was unusual to her, but she supposed it had a mouth, it could speak.
"I can help you hunt one. I've done it before. The one I killed I'd been tracking, rather I had been scanning for it. It found it's prey, not me. I didn't kill it alone. I had help. It's where I met two of reborn gods, and a mundane."
Aria told Teyha the gist of the fight, leaving out names for now. How Giovanni had distracted the Ijiraq from feeding on Jensen with fire from his hands, and then Jensen throwing an ice/hail storm at the ijiraq, slowing it down long enough to cut off it's head with her sword.
Aria smiled."I don't think Father Stone would be too kind on the fact that I had help, much less that I didn't kill the three men I met.
Her mind was whirring; she would need time and quiet meditation to align the details clearly in her mind, but for now the shape of a plan was encouraging. Between her own ability to recognise the touch of spirits in others, and Aria's gift of sensing the sincerity of emotion, she was confidant they would form an effective team. It might be slow, and it would probably spit up as yet unseen pitfalls, but for now Tehya was content with the direction they took. She was glad to be doing something positive. She was even more glad to have finally found a tentative balance between her duties and what she was.
She would not ask Aria to betray the confidence of those she had met, and she did not pursue their names. If they had been dangerous she was convinced Aria would have dealt with the situation; since they were not, she had to accept that they were entitled to live their lives peacefully. Perhaps any Aria thought suitable, she might approach in her own way; Tehya was happy to leave that to her: a nod indicated as much. And in any case though godlings were still rare, even in Moscow, she had sensed more fleeting glimpses of them here than she ever had in Montana. The world readied for war indeed.
For the business of the Ijiraq, Tehya welcomed Aria's help, though she was not sure Elias would appreciate the interference. She did not think he wished to see it dead, and until she understood more of its motivations - and so long as it threatened no immediate danger - she was curious to see what happened in the encounter. "The one it spoke to, I think he may be of one of the godlings. He does not know I am of the Atharim, though he is aware we exist. Your friend Connor warned me to be careful."
A wry smile lifted her lips, the first hint of Tehya's sharp humour. There was little ire or reprimand in her voice, though at the time she had been irritated at Aria's loose tongue. New circumstances changed her perspective, and old concerns were quickly let go. Though it set against Tehya's grain to reveal the tattoo on her wrist, of what it meant, she at least now understood Aria's motivations. Particularly since the Spirits had been necessary to kill the creature.
"It promised to come back. I've never even seen one before, let alone..."
A slight incline of her shoulders indicated a shrug. "I wish to study it, if it's even possible. It didn't appear to want to kill him, though I don't think the encounter was painless. He... reached into it. For the time being I think it might be better that he does not know who and what we are."
The last comment gave her brief pause. Father Stone was, frankly, an unimpressive man. Tehya was not shy in her opinions, though she knew when to keep her mouth shut, and it was not fear of speaking out that caused her to hesitate - indeed to contemplate whether to say anything at all. She didn't want to pry; her own personal boundaries were so excruciatingly high that she probably overestimated the importance of privacy. It was the connection she shied away from; the potential rejection if she asked something inappropriate.
But Aria spoke so casually. The man had hit her, drawn blood, and though Tehya had only seen a little of what transpired in the office, it had been enough to drop lead in her stomach, to brush shame into the lines of the tattoo she wore with pride. There were enormous distinctions between Atharim raised in the States, and those closest to the Vatican, but some things were universally wrong. In the end she spoke with her first honest instinct. Aria did not have to answer. "Have they always treated you that way? Father Stone, and the others."
Connor. Aria laughed. Of course one of the three of them would blab what she said. She hoped the rest she'd told would be a bit more careful who they told. Teyha hadn't asked for an explanation, she didn't seem too irritated. "Some explanation was necessary after what he'd seen, and been through before coming to Moscow."
Study was warrented but Aria didn't want to be in Tehya's shoes either. "Of the two I've seen they attack the godlings, feed on their power. I wouldn't say it didn't want to hurt him. But there is little know about them. Even our ancient texts speak little of them. I've looked."
Aria nodded to keep their secret from the man who wanted the Ijiraq, but really did it matter, he already knew monsters existed, a secret society who hunts them shouldn't be too surprising, but he was after all her contact. Aria was still a little miffed that Connor had spoken of their secret. But little could be done about it now.
Her last question, made Aria smirk. "It wasn't always so bad. Father Stone has something against my teacher I think, and takes it out on me. He's been this way since I arrived. At least he doesn't try to hide his emotions behind a false veil like most others who know I'm an 'overly sensitive' Furia."