Magical training center to open in South Dakota

Magical training center to open in South Dakota - Printable Version

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- Jon Little Bird - 08-13-2016

Magic training center to open in South Dakota
CNN Instant News Report

GWENDOLYN PETERSEN, CNN ANCHOR: Good Evening, I'm Gwendolyn Petersen, it's 6 p.m. Eastern Time and this is CNN Instant News, America's Most Trusted newsmaking source that you can count on to move truth forward (trademark).

(camera closeup)
Are you ready to send your kids to magic school in South Dakota? CNN has just learned that a training center for these recently revealed so-called magical powers is set to open on the Cheyenne River Sioux Indian Reservation in central South Dakota. Yes, you heard that right. The Native Americans are opening up a magic school on their reservation. And apparently it's perfectly legal!

The Cheyenne River Sioux say that the center, tentatively called the Lakota Spiritual Development Institute, will be located in a remote region of the reservation far from any populated areas, and they say it will be used primarily to ensure treatment of people going through the sickness and ensure they don't become a danger to themselves -- or anyone else. But they admit that students will also develop magical powers there!

Council of Native Americans spokesman Jon Little Bird, no stranger to controversy, had this to say:

(Cut to clip)

JON LITTLE BIRD: "The indigenous peoples of this country have a duty, a responsibility and a right to treat our own children and help them learn how to use these powers in a safe and responsible manner in a way that honors and preserves the traditions of our peoples and our cultures."

(Cut back to newsroom)

GWENDOLYN: Now at this time details are very scarce so we can only speculate and make assumptions on what sort of impact this might have and what this will mean for you. So let's go to our panel. Joining us now from Washington we have former Vice President and Democratic Representative from Texas Anna Hernandez Luna; from Detroit Mr. Henry Corman, public coordinator for the Michigan Minutemen; and the mayor of Wasta, SD Mr. Peter Robertson.

Madam Vice President, since we know so little about the abilities of these powers, isn't it a little insane for our federal government to permit a school where people can learn how to blow things up with their mind and set things on fire? What do you say?

LUNA: Oh, absolutely Gwendolyn. We saw in Moscow with the University fire that we are literally playing with fire. And this just goes to show the disaster that will be is the legacy of the Dawson administration, he is literally playing with the lives of our nation with his racist and discriminatory politics. I mean seriously, let the Native Americans fend for themselves? But that's just the kind of thing we've come to expect from this administration.

GWENDOLYN: Mr. Corman, what say you? Native Americans fending for themselves and developing powers? Doesn't that seem like a threat? I wouldn't think the Minutemen would be happy one bit about this.

CORMAN: Well I wouldn't really phrase it that way, in fact I don't think President Dawson could take much credit for this if he wanted to, it seems like he hasn't done much here other than get out of the way, and if the former Vice President can stop hyperventilating this hysteria we can see this isn't the worst thing in the world here. They're taking some initiative and if the Indians --

GWENDOLYN -- Native Americans Mr. Corman.

CORMAN: --If they want this thing in their backyard they're welcome to it. And I tell you what, they want to build one in Michigan I won't argue as long as they're on our side, because it looks like the CCD has gotten the jump on us with this magic thing in a big way and if we don't do everything we can to make America great again they're going to roll over us.

LUNA: That's insanity. We don't know what these people are capable of --

CORMAN: Eh if one of them goes off the reservation and starts burning things down I reckon there's plenty of armed ranchers around able to put a 6.8 mm bullet on target.

LUNA: You're just like the gun lobby, wanting unregulated, unchecked power let loose on the American people --

GWENDOLYN: Ok you two...

CORMAN: --Well I guess if it's up to you they'll all go on a registration, like the CCD is doing and probably going to strip away their civil liberties. Thankfully not everyone is in the pocket of the CCD like you --

LUNA --People dead in the streets and you and Dawson will have blood on your hands!

CORMAN: --You and Bullock took money from the CCD, you traitors --

GWENDOLYN: Cut their mikes. (Pause - muted shouting) Mr. Robertson, mayor of Wasta, now that you will have this institute basically in your backyard since your town of 82 --

ROBERTSON: Eighty-one. Old man Daniels passed away last night, bless his weak heart valves.

GWENDOLYN: I'm sure he'll be missed. Since this town of eighty-one people sits right on the border of this reservation, how do you feel about Native Americans learning to use magic powers in your backyard?

ROBERTSON: You know, this whole magic thing seems really fishy. Like, I've never seen anyone with magic powers. Where's the evidence that this isn't some sort of conspiracy? Our government faked the moon landing I mean what's to say this whole thing isn't just being faked too? The Russians and the Muslims were getting along real well until recently and that seems kind of fishy that now they have a problem all of a sudden they are saying magic is real. I want to see one shred of evidence before I'll believe anyone who says some magical sky fairy dust is real.

GWENDOLYN: .... Thank you.

(Camera angle changes to close-up)

Is the next civil rights movement frontier the Trans-Powered? Up next, we have found a guest who claims that while he does not manifest magic powers, he identifies as a person with magical abilities and needs to be accommodated. You don't want to miss this story, coming up after the break, only here on CNN Instant News.

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Edited by Jon Little Bird, Aug 13 2016, 12:50 AM.