09-26-2018, 01:33 AM
Her comment floated like accusation. Though it sounded more like an innocuous insult, it made him grin. “You know, I have been told that before,” even as the utterance passed his lips, the smile grew like a secret suddenly shared between them.
The plop of water turned to a memory that he had little intention of dredging anytime soon. She made him wait, then. Maybe the decision was a mistake? He’d made enough of them lately to damn the soul tomorrow. Didn’t matter, really. Not for his own destiny, at least. That was settled long ago.
Instead, she made something of a show of it, but if her former insult was masked as a tease, this was torture masked with indecision. He’d wait, though. Until the sky faded black and cold rushed their faces. If only to savor the possibilities painted what-if. Just to watch the horizon creep first promises of light following the swarm of night’s terrors. Just because. Then he caught the hint of movement; the sweep of a slender arm. Relief swelled like the tide when his fingers closed around hers. Arm yanked into its embrace, but Jay buried the flinch that stirred. He hung on like he never wanted to let go.
Her thumb grazed like sandpaper on raw skin. Light as a feather were her musician’s fingers, but the ache delved deeper than bare boned knuckles. There was no soothing away the rolling fury that threw his arm the first time. Flaring it alive now only served to resurrect the demons Jay had yet to slay. There were plenty to keep a guy busy.
Why?
No quippy remark curved his lips. If it weren’t for the anchor of pale eyes, he might turn the coward and flee. Just to avoid answering the simplest of questions. The thing was. The answer wasn’t simple. Why?
Because she glimpsed the darkness but braved the it anyway. Because she came to bloody Iowa when a million other places were more tempting. For the redemption of a kid whose mind was brutalized with poison. For Cayli.
The words stirred like leaves caught in a storm. Fragile things that crumbled at the merest touch. His thoughts raced; crumbling. He just looked at her. Lifted their twined hands between them. The hands of a graceful musician roughed with the toils of labor. The hands of a soldier softened by a fool’s heart. And what a bloody fool he was. Just say the words.
In the last few minutes, the blazing sun ducked beneath the horizon. The glow was fading. Either Natalie would follow him to the shadows or she'd seek brighter futures. As he pushed errant hair behind her ear, wondering if it was the wrong time to pull her close just to feel the nestle of warmth against his chest, he realized the answer.
She's just as damned as me.
A stillness settled over his soul with the epiphany. Still as those calm lake waters. Though it wasn’t exactly comforting.
He thought of the baby sister dying in that bed. He thought of the frantic fringes his mind splayed when he realized there was nothing he could do to save her. The picture on the mantle laying unjustified. The star once proudly worn; now hidden. He barely heard himself say it. Probably the rawest honesty ever shared. Lies were only directed at himself; better to not speak at all otherwise.
”Because I can’t do this without you.”
The skin stretched raw as his fingers squeezed one last time before releasing her. She was free to choose. Jay wouldn’t be the one to slam the bars. It’d tear his heart out to watch her walk away; but he’d not stop her.
God help him. He’d not stop her.
The plop of water turned to a memory that he had little intention of dredging anytime soon. She made him wait, then. Maybe the decision was a mistake? He’d made enough of them lately to damn the soul tomorrow. Didn’t matter, really. Not for his own destiny, at least. That was settled long ago.
Instead, she made something of a show of it, but if her former insult was masked as a tease, this was torture masked with indecision. He’d wait, though. Until the sky faded black and cold rushed their faces. If only to savor the possibilities painted what-if. Just to watch the horizon creep first promises of light following the swarm of night’s terrors. Just because. Then he caught the hint of movement; the sweep of a slender arm. Relief swelled like the tide when his fingers closed around hers. Arm yanked into its embrace, but Jay buried the flinch that stirred. He hung on like he never wanted to let go.
Her thumb grazed like sandpaper on raw skin. Light as a feather were her musician’s fingers, but the ache delved deeper than bare boned knuckles. There was no soothing away the rolling fury that threw his arm the first time. Flaring it alive now only served to resurrect the demons Jay had yet to slay. There were plenty to keep a guy busy.
Why?
No quippy remark curved his lips. If it weren’t for the anchor of pale eyes, he might turn the coward and flee. Just to avoid answering the simplest of questions. The thing was. The answer wasn’t simple. Why?
Because she glimpsed the darkness but braved the it anyway. Because she came to bloody Iowa when a million other places were more tempting. For the redemption of a kid whose mind was brutalized with poison. For Cayli.
The words stirred like leaves caught in a storm. Fragile things that crumbled at the merest touch. His thoughts raced; crumbling. He just looked at her. Lifted their twined hands between them. The hands of a graceful musician roughed with the toils of labor. The hands of a soldier softened by a fool’s heart. And what a bloody fool he was. Just say the words.
In the last few minutes, the blazing sun ducked beneath the horizon. The glow was fading. Either Natalie would follow him to the shadows or she'd seek brighter futures. As he pushed errant hair behind her ear, wondering if it was the wrong time to pull her close just to feel the nestle of warmth against his chest, he realized the answer.
She's just as damned as me.
A stillness settled over his soul with the epiphany. Still as those calm lake waters. Though it wasn’t exactly comforting.
He thought of the baby sister dying in that bed. He thought of the frantic fringes his mind splayed when he realized there was nothing he could do to save her. The picture on the mantle laying unjustified. The star once proudly worn; now hidden. He barely heard himself say it. Probably the rawest honesty ever shared. Lies were only directed at himself; better to not speak at all otherwise.
”Because I can’t do this without you.”
The skin stretched raw as his fingers squeezed one last time before releasing her. She was free to choose. Jay wouldn’t be the one to slam the bars. It’d tear his heart out to watch her walk away; but he’d not stop her.
God help him. He’d not stop her.
Only darkness shows you the light.