10-08-2016, 09:32 PM
Light. What?
He didn't know what to think. There was nothing to think. Only to callous as a Soldier under an Asha'man's first drill and endure of mocking sea washing away the memory of Nythadri's passion with every passing crest. He stopped counting how many swept by before she broke their taunting silence.
Heartleaf? The word circled. A vulture above, waiting for comprehension to finally drop him to his knees. It took a minute.
He never thought about it before. Her explanation struck a deep cord, something forgotten but never truly erased. The necessity of it was something that just. was. That it might be denied a denizen in the middle of the White Tower's training, broken of former rust and reforged into a new, gilded weapon with serpent rings, required vows aboragating its availability. Light! That the White Tower even required their shining new steels to even think of celibacy?!
The sense of it swirled vaguely, but it felt like palming at water. He was bred in Tar Valon. He knew Aes Sedai were not women. Fate's teasing pepper suddenly burned a dry reminder in his throat. Domani weren't women either but something else entirely. Aes Sedai were shawls, rings and ageless faces: affects Nythadri persued and easy to forget without that taut mask smoothing her smirks. Marriage ribbons never trailed their hair. They wove no little socks. Was he any different?
He had no frame to compare. No ratio to put into personal perspective. The Black Tower was hardly a monastary. Their black shrouds hardly chastity robes. Neither delving within nor stretching beyond those onyx rimmed grounds. The opposite, actually; that look was hard to resist. But Daryen had the right of it. No flags planted ideas for ribbons nor socks in his head. The idea of it could pit boulders in the stomach. Five years suddenly loomed daunting and dead as the Blasted Lands for her. How old was she? Those were not the hands of inexperience wringing him to shudder.
He supposed the necessity of such a thing was always simply.. handled. At least, he assumed such things were handled. He'd never stepped on a bundle of joy waiting on his doorstep. No surprising new name piled devotion-filled letters across his desk. Of course, he had no doorstep. And his desk was whatever table closeted him away for a few days without interruption. He had just his name, the pins, and what he thought were impossible roots to track. Suaya took care of that illusion. Bloody light-forsaken golden curls and innocent big eyes suddenly loomed: Haitham's bright blues staring down their hard accusation.
He realized he'd forgotten to breathe, staring back up at the edge of the cliff they'd jumped together. The rising wind beating at the ack of his head as they fell. A height once lept, even the most disciplined of men could only do so much to slow the descent.
"Alright. Give me a minute."
Palms stretched to slow Nythadri's return, in case she intended to swarm back in his arms. He knew his limits.
Breathe. He forced his own to look her in the eye. No pale lamps lit so sharp as hers which cleaved his control to fibers. Jai's glowed vaguely with the promise of a coming dawn. An excitement tinging the sky purple in the early morning hours. And was about as easy to blanket over as it was to roll the sun back beneath the horizon. He wrestled to do so without clenching her back from her madness. To find out just how dedicated she was to her madness. Uncontrolled free-falling stung his face. She was so close! A swarm of frustrated understanding kicked down the face of desire. It would be so easy to forget what she said. Her lips parted just so, her eyes mirroring the yearn he knew screamed battle-loud from his. It cast a vision in his head that made it hard to believe her requests unsettling his gut.
All kinds of alternatives flickered as brazen stars. Their own torches mocking when the laps of the sea traded the job. Those racing thoughts took their turn punching the wind out of frayed threads of honor one at a time until he knew that was neither a solution. Well, it was a solution; but one that played with fires likely to sear them both. A hard swallow buried the designs spurring him forward. Slow reason edged its way in, pooling cool as spilled ink. Calculating solutions required a problem to solve. And this was not a problem. He meditated on that.
"Yeah. Just one..second."
He pushed away. A hard swallow scrubbed tense hands across the mop of hair, lifting it chaotically as his thoughts from where water flattened it. He found it drier than expected. The question of their time in the water loomed a pleasant distraction from what else they might do now that heartleaf was denied Nythadri. Dancing the edges of what was whispered as forbidden. Other than the rules that might undermine her quest to advance one more rank.
Light! He had to put some space between them. Else he was not liable to trust what he'd reach to blunt the impact of so hard a free fall. There were no shortage of such ideas fighting for dominance. He didn't go far. He couldn't pull completely away, if only to not miss the sound should she utter his name again. Saidin by then was almost forgotten. It threatened to crush him now. And knowing his own limitations, he tentatively released it. And blood flowed through white-knuckled freedom again. Along with the prison of the dulled world.
He licked his lips, softening finally. Realizing only that moment the deafness to the world without the howl of saidin roaring in his ears, ignorant of its menace darkening his expression. He saw Nythadri, then. He'd taken not a blink from her eyes these last minutes since her release from his hungry arms. But what he saw now thrilled a new emotion that dried his throat. She was so beautiful. Not a new thought, of course. But, striking. Piercing eyes shamed the amateur moonlight to a poor man's shadows. The white shoulders dripping with watery sparks. One sleeve of her all but transparent shift pushed askew from her shoulder; the other altogether fallen to the rules of watery gravity. The turn of her quivering lips fighting for dominance over her tentative control toeing her own sword edge. And balancing successfully so far.
A turn of a smile met her portrait floating half-exposed above the infinite black pond swirling around her. A moment later, or perhaps it was on the same dawning moment, he was capturing her again. Gently as before, but needing her even fiercer.
He pulled her tight. Arms elbowing around her neck. Almost affecionate now that frustration rolled under the boot of reason. Dipped his face into her hair where salt seeped unbidden beyond his lips. And just held her. Buffering the brunt of waves for her, leaving nothing more than gentle rocking.
"I'm sorry, Nythadri. I wouldn't have...Ah..."
He trailed off, not sure how to put it while lost in the new embrace. Feeling all the world like he'd compromised an ally for a taste at momentary weakness.
Until he pulled back just enough to catch her eye. The playful glint returned.
"Well. Maybe I would have."
This time, a tame kiss warmed his lips with hers. The fall from these rocky heights utterly distinct from before.
He didn't know what to think. There was nothing to think. Only to callous as a Soldier under an Asha'man's first drill and endure of mocking sea washing away the memory of Nythadri's passion with every passing crest. He stopped counting how many swept by before she broke their taunting silence.
Heartleaf? The word circled. A vulture above, waiting for comprehension to finally drop him to his knees. It took a minute.
He never thought about it before. Her explanation struck a deep cord, something forgotten but never truly erased. The necessity of it was something that just. was. That it might be denied a denizen in the middle of the White Tower's training, broken of former rust and reforged into a new, gilded weapon with serpent rings, required vows aboragating its availability. Light! That the White Tower even required their shining new steels to even think of celibacy?!
The sense of it swirled vaguely, but it felt like palming at water. He was bred in Tar Valon. He knew Aes Sedai were not women. Fate's teasing pepper suddenly burned a dry reminder in his throat. Domani weren't women either but something else entirely. Aes Sedai were shawls, rings and ageless faces: affects Nythadri persued and easy to forget without that taut mask smoothing her smirks. Marriage ribbons never trailed their hair. They wove no little socks. Was he any different?
He had no frame to compare. No ratio to put into personal perspective. The Black Tower was hardly a monastary. Their black shrouds hardly chastity robes. Neither delving within nor stretching beyond those onyx rimmed grounds. The opposite, actually; that look was hard to resist. But Daryen had the right of it. No flags planted ideas for ribbons nor socks in his head. The idea of it could pit boulders in the stomach. Five years suddenly loomed daunting and dead as the Blasted Lands for her. How old was she? Those were not the hands of inexperience wringing him to shudder.
He supposed the necessity of such a thing was always simply.. handled. At least, he assumed such things were handled. He'd never stepped on a bundle of joy waiting on his doorstep. No surprising new name piled devotion-filled letters across his desk. Of course, he had no doorstep. And his desk was whatever table closeted him away for a few days without interruption. He had just his name, the pins, and what he thought were impossible roots to track. Suaya took care of that illusion. Bloody light-forsaken golden curls and innocent big eyes suddenly loomed: Haitham's bright blues staring down their hard accusation.
He realized he'd forgotten to breathe, staring back up at the edge of the cliff they'd jumped together. The rising wind beating at the ack of his head as they fell. A height once lept, even the most disciplined of men could only do so much to slow the descent.
"Alright. Give me a minute."
Palms stretched to slow Nythadri's return, in case she intended to swarm back in his arms. He knew his limits.
Breathe. He forced his own to look her in the eye. No pale lamps lit so sharp as hers which cleaved his control to fibers. Jai's glowed vaguely with the promise of a coming dawn. An excitement tinging the sky purple in the early morning hours. And was about as easy to blanket over as it was to roll the sun back beneath the horizon. He wrestled to do so without clenching her back from her madness. To find out just how dedicated she was to her madness. Uncontrolled free-falling stung his face. She was so close! A swarm of frustrated understanding kicked down the face of desire. It would be so easy to forget what she said. Her lips parted just so, her eyes mirroring the yearn he knew screamed battle-loud from his. It cast a vision in his head that made it hard to believe her requests unsettling his gut.
All kinds of alternatives flickered as brazen stars. Their own torches mocking when the laps of the sea traded the job. Those racing thoughts took their turn punching the wind out of frayed threads of honor one at a time until he knew that was neither a solution. Well, it was a solution; but one that played with fires likely to sear them both. A hard swallow buried the designs spurring him forward. Slow reason edged its way in, pooling cool as spilled ink. Calculating solutions required a problem to solve. And this was not a problem. He meditated on that.
"Yeah. Just one..second."
He pushed away. A hard swallow scrubbed tense hands across the mop of hair, lifting it chaotically as his thoughts from where water flattened it. He found it drier than expected. The question of their time in the water loomed a pleasant distraction from what else they might do now that heartleaf was denied Nythadri. Dancing the edges of what was whispered as forbidden. Other than the rules that might undermine her quest to advance one more rank.
Light! He had to put some space between them. Else he was not liable to trust what he'd reach to blunt the impact of so hard a free fall. There were no shortage of such ideas fighting for dominance. He didn't go far. He couldn't pull completely away, if only to not miss the sound should she utter his name again. Saidin by then was almost forgotten. It threatened to crush him now. And knowing his own limitations, he tentatively released it. And blood flowed through white-knuckled freedom again. Along with the prison of the dulled world.
He licked his lips, softening finally. Realizing only that moment the deafness to the world without the howl of saidin roaring in his ears, ignorant of its menace darkening his expression. He saw Nythadri, then. He'd taken not a blink from her eyes these last minutes since her release from his hungry arms. But what he saw now thrilled a new emotion that dried his throat. She was so beautiful. Not a new thought, of course. But, striking. Piercing eyes shamed the amateur moonlight to a poor man's shadows. The white shoulders dripping with watery sparks. One sleeve of her all but transparent shift pushed askew from her shoulder; the other altogether fallen to the rules of watery gravity. The turn of her quivering lips fighting for dominance over her tentative control toeing her own sword edge. And balancing successfully so far.
A turn of a smile met her portrait floating half-exposed above the infinite black pond swirling around her. A moment later, or perhaps it was on the same dawning moment, he was capturing her again. Gently as before, but needing her even fiercer.
He pulled her tight. Arms elbowing around her neck. Almost affecionate now that frustration rolled under the boot of reason. Dipped his face into her hair where salt seeped unbidden beyond his lips. And just held her. Buffering the brunt of waves for her, leaving nothing more than gentle rocking.
"I'm sorry, Nythadri. I wouldn't have...Ah..."
He trailed off, not sure how to put it while lost in the new embrace. Feeling all the world like he'd compromised an ally for a taste at momentary weakness.
Until he pulled back just enough to catch her eye. The playful glint returned.
"Well. Maybe I would have."
This time, a tame kiss warmed his lips with hers. The fall from these rocky heights utterly distinct from before.
Only darkness shows you the light.