05-21-2015, 12:14 PM
He was tired. Not just from the hike to the old Datsan, not just from the cold that had seemed to seep into his bones and leech the warmth from his soul. His mind had chased around and around the possibilities. And in the end, he knew nothing, could do nothing. What was happening- would happen- he didn't know and could do nothing to change. He was powerless. It threatened to overwhelm him.
He prayed over and over again- for Aria, for her safe return, for her sanity, for her life, for himself, for them- and his words jumbled together and he wondered if God was listening to his mess of things. He found it hard to focus. And he felt the desire to make it all go away, to hide from it, to escape. He tasted the cheap rot-gut wine of his youth in the back of his throat and his mouth watered. It frightened him. He breathed evenly and deeply, tried to calm himself, prayed yet again. Gradually, the momentary urge subsided. In its place, a remembrance of the serenity prayer from AA. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference."
It helped. He couldn't do anything at this point. He had to accept that. But he could control how he responded to it. He felt a sort of peace of mind wash over him. Enough, anyway, to stop his mind from running in circles. He was tired. With a feeling of thanks and a shadow of hope he drifted off to sleep, the click clack of the train over the tracks gently rocking him.
The next thing he knew he was jerked awake by a loud whistle. For a moment he didn't know where he was. They weren't moving and for some reason that bothered him. He felt like he had been shaken out of a cocoon or something. He opened his eyes and looked out the window and saw they were stopped at station, passengers making their way on to the train. He looked over at Nox silently. Finally, "You think she's gonna be ok?"
He prayed over and over again- for Aria, for her safe return, for her sanity, for her life, for himself, for them- and his words jumbled together and he wondered if God was listening to his mess of things. He found it hard to focus. And he felt the desire to make it all go away, to hide from it, to escape. He tasted the cheap rot-gut wine of his youth in the back of his throat and his mouth watered. It frightened him. He breathed evenly and deeply, tried to calm himself, prayed yet again. Gradually, the momentary urge subsided. In its place, a remembrance of the serenity prayer from AA. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference."
It helped. He couldn't do anything at this point. He had to accept that. But he could control how he responded to it. He felt a sort of peace of mind wash over him. Enough, anyway, to stop his mind from running in circles. He was tired. With a feeling of thanks and a shadow of hope he drifted off to sleep, the click clack of the train over the tracks gently rocking him.
The next thing he knew he was jerked awake by a loud whistle. For a moment he didn't know where he was. They weren't moving and for some reason that bothered him. He felt like he had been shaken out of a cocoon or something. He opened his eyes and looked out the window and saw they were stopped at station, passengers making their way on to the train. He looked over at Nox silently. Finally, "You think she's gonna be ok?"