The tears had already started by the time Sage sent a message. She actually didn’t look until her wallet started playing music. She picked it up and read the messages - looking at the adorable cats and Sage’s encouragement. She honestly never knew Sage actually gave a damn about her - which she felt bad about. He had really come to her aid this past week.
The thing about us depressed people - we think we’re a bother to everyone. But you at least made me smile.. She didn’t dance like he told her to, but she did keep the music going.
Smiling is good. Dancing is better.
Aurora used to tell me that every night after a hunt, they'd have a little dance party. Just the three of them. Their dad was always out drinking with the other gentlemen. It wasn't a thing they did to celebrate. It was a thing they did so Nox didn't crash.
I know you don't feel like it. I know it's gonna take a spoon or two to do it. But Dancing creates the good chemicals that your body needs right now. You can only fake having a good time until you either give up or you start having one.
I'll dance with you.
The next text is a feed of Sage in his frigid server room where he was doing all his work while Aiden as at play somewhere else in the house. The little black and white feed had Sage flailing around like a mad man in the small space he had. There was no rhythm and there was no specialized chorography. Just Sage moving to the same song currently playing on Elyse's wallet. He looked up at the camera with a grin and waved his hands for her to join him.
Elyse looked at the message he sent and honestly felt touched. It meant a lot - more than Sage knew. She had never met Aurora - Nox’s sister, but wished she had. It was such a tragic story and she knew it tore Nox up.
Elyse actually laughed through the tears at the image of Sage dancing. She sent back a gif of a man leading a reluctant woman to the dance floor.
I’ll try
There wasn’t enough room in the guest room, so Elyse went to the workout room and began to dance. She was a professional dancer, but she didn’t tap into that, instead she danced in a way more akin to what Sage was doing. It felt all sorts of goofy, but soon she realized. She wasn’t crying anymore, and a smile was starting to form on her face.
Sage didn't stop dancing as the next few messages ping through.
I've been watching Nox a long time and almost all of it he's been dealing with some shit or another.
Find what makes you happy. Dancing. Sparring. Reading. Writing. Having Sex. Masturbation. Swimming. Dungeon and Dragons. Find it, whatever it is and keep it close. This is Nox's go to play list when he feels like shit.
Find that one thing that makes your life worth getting out of bed for. And you get up for that reason. Nothing else on those hard days.
It might not work for you. But I've watched it work for Nox every day for the past 5 years.
And always leave a spoon for what makes you happy.
Elyse stopped after awhile - still sad, but feeling a lot better. Sage’s message almost made her start crying again. She had no idea this man was inside the high looking exterior.
I owe you and apology. I never knew you cared this much. It was wrong of me to assume you didn’t. Please forgive me.
Lately it’s been hard to find joy in the things that make me happy too. I’ve needed a lot of people to remind me. I’m not going to lie Sage. I hate my life right now. I feel incredibly lost all the time. I don’t like it. I just want everything to be okay again. When is it going to get better?
Most people think I'm a drugged out kid with no life. I'm used to being underestimated. And to them I will always be that. But no one really takes the time to step into my world. So welcome to the place I live and thrive and act real.
It's hard. Life is hard. It'll get better. Can't say when. But it will. As long as you keep fighting. Find what makes your life worth living. Most of Nox's life it was Aurora. Then he came to Moscow and his life got rattled. Was Aria, then Raffe. Now it's those kids in his house specially Lily. For no other reason than making sure Lily is fed and changed and taken care of.
Be it Kallisti. Or Anna. Or a good roll in the hay with Hayden. Or learning how to play the violin. Pick one goal for tomorrow. And when life gets hard strive for that one goal. Nothing else matters.
Getting out of bed counts! (as long as you don't get right back into bed)
Hey! Sometimes getting back into bed is a good thing [gif of an eyebrow waggle] I think I understand though. I’ll find something to get out of bed for tomorrow - or someone to get in bed with lol.
I don’t think we’ve ever talked this much. I’m really glad we have been. Makes the being depressed thing kind of worth it. I have a question - you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to - you spend most of your time going though a lot of information and what not. Do you ever feel lonely - is it hard for you sometimes?
I got Aidan. Love him. He loves me. We work. But no one really understands.
And while I adore Nox. We use each other. He's got my back and I got his. And we are family.
But it's still part of the same game.
I get bored easily in the real world. Using my eyes. And my mouth. Being present is hard.
And truly I'm no better than what people think of me. I am a drugged out kid sitting in the corner alone. Except my drug of choice isn't something anyone else can understand.
Back when my chip got corroded and I was told using it would make me worse. Nox took away the wireless connection. I nearly died. It's an addiction I can't say no to because it's part of my brain.
As long as you’re happy :-D that’s what matters I think. And maybe you are a drugged out kid sitting in a corner - but if you ever don’t wanna be alone - I’ll send you dumb texts :-p
After all - you got up out of the corner to dance with me for no other reason than you didn’t want me to be sad. The least I can do is be a friend to you too.
And thank you for making me dance. I still feel sad - it not so broken anymore.
Thank you.
Let me know if you need anything.