Liv was silent. But Nika’s words were not unheard. She felt her getting closer. Felt the respect. Felt the concern. Her warmth. She stared at the notebook, unable- afraid maybe?- to look into Nika's eyes to see if she really meant it. Afraid because maybe it was another lie.
More afraid because...what if was the truth? It was just a date, true. But now she was in it. And Liv was interested. She barely knew her, but she liked her laugh, her goofy self deprecating way about her, as if she didn't have a clue what a total badass she was, how sexy she was in her leather jacked and jeans. She was girly in all the ways Liv loved. And she was easy to talk to.
She was dangerous because despite her fear, Liv wanted to take that chance with her.
Was that why she brought her here? To share a sacred place? Painful. Terrifying. But the memory of the angel's wings holding her, the warmth of God's spirit filling her, showing her how She saw the world, bright and living, it was a memory she cherished. That saved her.
And this time it was Nika’s words that filled her with warmth. Her kindness. Her patience. Again it came to her. That dinner table from a dream- was it a dream? "When did you know Nika was the one?" And she had looked into her wife's eyes, lines telling a story of decades together, and thought back to....this place? Was it this place? "She gave me a sketchbook."
She laughed at her foolishness. It was just a dream. Still, she asked herself, Why are you here? She was tired of being driven by fear. She was so very alone. She was ready to take a chance.
The drawing wasn't done. And her hand was shaking. But she took a breath and turned the notebook to Nika. Refused to hide or look away from her reaction.
God she wanted to die.
But she wanted to live too.
A small smile stayed on her lips as she bared her soul.
More afraid because...what if was the truth? It was just a date, true. But now she was in it. And Liv was interested. She barely knew her, but she liked her laugh, her goofy self deprecating way about her, as if she didn't have a clue what a total badass she was, how sexy she was in her leather jacked and jeans. She was girly in all the ways Liv loved. And she was easy to talk to.
She was dangerous because despite her fear, Liv wanted to take that chance with her.
Was that why she brought her here? To share a sacred place? Painful. Terrifying. But the memory of the angel's wings holding her, the warmth of God's spirit filling her, showing her how She saw the world, bright and living, it was a memory she cherished. That saved her.
And this time it was Nika’s words that filled her with warmth. Her kindness. Her patience. Again it came to her. That dinner table from a dream- was it a dream? "When did you know Nika was the one?" And she had looked into her wife's eyes, lines telling a story of decades together, and thought back to....this place? Was it this place? "She gave me a sketchbook."
She laughed at her foolishness. It was just a dream. Still, she asked herself, Why are you here? She was tired of being driven by fear. She was so very alone. She was ready to take a chance.
The drawing wasn't done. And her hand was shaking. But she took a breath and turned the notebook to Nika. Refused to hide or look away from her reaction.
God she wanted to die.
But she wanted to live too.
A small smile stayed on her lips as she bared her soul.