10-10-2016, 06:53 PM
Marcus was rightfully afraid. The stress of the bomb, the threat to their lives. Jensen imagined the terrorists that broke into the Kremlin were armed and hell bent on destruction. They likely cut through everyone in their path to reach the heart of it to be sure they killed Ascendancy. The Red Square had been filled to the brim that day, Jensen recalled. The church was packed. People looked to answers in times like these and they thought Ascendancy provided them. Marcus tried to save his leader. Jensen wasn't sure he would have been so brave.
"Don't judge yourself, Marcus. You tried to the best of your ability. To be evil is when good men stand back and do nothing. You're a good man, I know it."
He smiled softly. He fell into the familiar cadance of telling a story, one to relate to his audience. "I used to think this Gift was actually a Curse when it first came to me. There's just so much power, almost an anger festering in it, then when it fills you, it's like righteous fury. Like so many others, I too believed I was the only one afflicted. Maybe possessed? I didn't know. All I felt was the capacity - the potential - to do evil with it. The world became a dark place for me. I turned from God in my shame for all the things I was."
His gaze fell to his hands briefly, only to sigh momentarily. "Then one day something remarkable happened. A curse would not heal someone. It wouldn't restore life, it would only devour it. Then the way the Gift felt made so much more sense. You know the Book of Nahum describes the Lord as wrathful, slow to anger but great in power."
His focus drifted, seeing through Marcus as he pulled from the recesses of memory. He spoke softly, recanting the verse.
"The mountains quake before him;
the hills melt;
the earth heaves before him,
the world and all who dwell in it.
Who can stand before his indignation?
Who can endure the heat of his anger?
His wrath is poured out like fire,
and the rocks are broken into pieces by him.''
He sighed, focus sharpening on Marcus again. "If I were to describe this Gift, it would be in that context. The wrath of God, a power that melts mountains and heaves the world. That is when I accepted the Curse as a Gift. Acceptance is the key, Marcus. Accept what you can do with the knowledge and limits you have, and then use them to the best ability you can. Like you did in trying to save Ascendancy. You gave your all, even ready to lay down your life for him. It is admirable beyond belief."
"Don't judge yourself, Marcus. You tried to the best of your ability. To be evil is when good men stand back and do nothing. You're a good man, I know it."
He smiled softly. He fell into the familiar cadance of telling a story, one to relate to his audience. "I used to think this Gift was actually a Curse when it first came to me. There's just so much power, almost an anger festering in it, then when it fills you, it's like righteous fury. Like so many others, I too believed I was the only one afflicted. Maybe possessed? I didn't know. All I felt was the capacity - the potential - to do evil with it. The world became a dark place for me. I turned from God in my shame for all the things I was."
His gaze fell to his hands briefly, only to sigh momentarily. "Then one day something remarkable happened. A curse would not heal someone. It wouldn't restore life, it would only devour it. Then the way the Gift felt made so much more sense. You know the Book of Nahum describes the Lord as wrathful, slow to anger but great in power."
His focus drifted, seeing through Marcus as he pulled from the recesses of memory. He spoke softly, recanting the verse.
"The mountains quake before him;
the hills melt;
the earth heaves before him,
the world and all who dwell in it.
Who can stand before his indignation?
Who can endure the heat of his anger?
His wrath is poured out like fire,
and the rocks are broken into pieces by him.''
He sighed, focus sharpening on Marcus again. "If I were to describe this Gift, it would be in that context. The wrath of God, a power that melts mountains and heaves the world. That is when I accepted the Curse as a Gift. Acceptance is the key, Marcus. Accept what you can do with the knowledge and limits you have, and then use them to the best ability you can. Like you did in trying to save Ascendancy. You gave your all, even ready to lay down your life for him. It is admirable beyond belief."