04-16-2014, 11:53 AM
Connor's sleep was deep. He dreamt...something. Deep and meaningful, it felt like, but as his mind gradually woke up, all memory of it faded. He opened his eyes to a darkened room. He wasn't sure where he was. The air was cool. He looked toward the dark heavy curtains, bright golden lines outlining them where the sun's light peaked through. He lay there in the bed, warm soft comforter underneath him, soaking in everything. The quiet seemed to blanket everything and part of him wanted to go back to sleep. But this was not his room.
Memory slowly came back to him. He thought of Hayden and felt that ache in his heart. But at the same time, he felt a sense of finality, of peace. He couldn't change the past. There would always be that hole in his heart. There would always be that ache, that wish to see his son, to talk to him. But he felt so grateful that he had spent those final weeks with his son, there to the very end, holding his hand and praying with him. And now, it was like Hayden was with him. A part of his mind now felt like it was always thinking about him, about what he'd think, what he'd say- watching him.
When Hayden had been younger and sometimes Connor made the mistake of not listening to Hayden's explanation of something before getting upset, he'd later apologize, feeling terrible. But Hayden, his dear understanding boy, would say, "It's ok dad." He felt Hayden saying that to him now. "It's ok dad." Hayden was a good kid- a good man. Connor was proud of his son and he wanted to make his son proud of him. And that meant going on and living his life. He could do that. But in the back of his mind he'd always say, "See that bud? See what I did there?" He could live with that. He could go on.
He sat up and took at deep breath, feeling the air in his lungs. It felt like a new day. He put his shoes on, went to the bathroom adjoining the room and splashed some water in his face and toweled it off. Finally he quietly opened the door and looked out. Giovanni was sprawled on the couch, asleep. The open area was not as dark as the bedroom had been, but it kept out most of the light. Jensen set at his table with what looked like a Bible open, lost in thought.
Connor came out and quietly- so as to not wake Giovanni- said, "Hey man. I wanted to tell you thank you. Just...thanks. This night, it meant a lot to me.
" He shook his head at that thought in wonder. What a night it had been. But he had intruded on this man's hospitality enough. And they guy needed sleep, he could see that. Even though it had turned out that Jensen hadn't needed a hospital or anything, the man had been at the forefront of the attack and it had obviously worn him out. "I should probably head home.
"
He thought about the man and what were clearly his own personal demons. Connor had also spent many nights with his Bible open, lost in thought as he sought answers or relief. But he wasn't going to insult the man by pointing it out, or insinuate himself into his problems as if he had the solutions. "Listen, you want to get together some time and talk? I know I could use it, to be able to talk about this stuff with someone who was there...who wouldn't think I was crazy.
" He chuckled to himself. "Let me leave you my number. And the place where I am staying, at least for a little while longer.
"
Edited by Connor Kent, Apr 16 2014, 11:56 AM.
Memory slowly came back to him. He thought of Hayden and felt that ache in his heart. But at the same time, he felt a sense of finality, of peace. He couldn't change the past. There would always be that hole in his heart. There would always be that ache, that wish to see his son, to talk to him. But he felt so grateful that he had spent those final weeks with his son, there to the very end, holding his hand and praying with him. And now, it was like Hayden was with him. A part of his mind now felt like it was always thinking about him, about what he'd think, what he'd say- watching him.
When Hayden had been younger and sometimes Connor made the mistake of not listening to Hayden's explanation of something before getting upset, he'd later apologize, feeling terrible. But Hayden, his dear understanding boy, would say, "It's ok dad." He felt Hayden saying that to him now. "It's ok dad." Hayden was a good kid- a good man. Connor was proud of his son and he wanted to make his son proud of him. And that meant going on and living his life. He could do that. But in the back of his mind he'd always say, "See that bud? See what I did there?" He could live with that. He could go on.
He sat up and took at deep breath, feeling the air in his lungs. It felt like a new day. He put his shoes on, went to the bathroom adjoining the room and splashed some water in his face and toweled it off. Finally he quietly opened the door and looked out. Giovanni was sprawled on the couch, asleep. The open area was not as dark as the bedroom had been, but it kept out most of the light. Jensen set at his table with what looked like a Bible open, lost in thought.
Connor came out and quietly- so as to not wake Giovanni- said, "Hey man. I wanted to tell you thank you. Just...thanks. This night, it meant a lot to me.
" He shook his head at that thought in wonder. What a night it had been. But he had intruded on this man's hospitality enough. And they guy needed sleep, he could see that. Even though it had turned out that Jensen hadn't needed a hospital or anything, the man had been at the forefront of the attack and it had obviously worn him out. "I should probably head home.
"
He thought about the man and what were clearly his own personal demons. Connor had also spent many nights with his Bible open, lost in thought as he sought answers or relief. But he wasn't going to insult the man by pointing it out, or insinuate himself into his problems as if he had the solutions. "Listen, you want to get together some time and talk? I know I could use it, to be able to talk about this stuff with someone who was there...who wouldn't think I was crazy.
" He chuckled to himself. "Let me leave you my number. And the place where I am staying, at least for a little while longer.
"
Edited by Connor Kent, Apr 16 2014, 11:56 AM.