04-20-2020, 03:31 PM
It was too vulnerable. She realised that with a pang, and a flash of animal panic. Accepting openness in another was easy for her, but giving and expecting it from another stiffened her hackles with uncertainty.
The wolves knew her inside out, from flesh to soul, and it was a natural connection she did not question. Humans were another matter. The last time she had been known thoroughly, it had been the lamas at the monastery, and that had been in the delicate balance of life, death, and judgement. Her training had been a different beast to the Athari of the Vatican, but it was still governed by the same rules. She had spent her life hiding.
It was a hard camouflage to abandon, and that even supposed she wanted to. The two spheres of her life had always been separate, and she had never had cause to contemplate another way. Caught unawares now, confronting that question for the first time in her life, she felt backed into a corner.
She did not want to destroy, and Jacinda looked delicate enough to break without meaning to. Fragile breath all held in her lungs, touch turned tentative now. The scents had all changed.
She will hate you for lying.
Following that alarming thought were distant nudges at her mind, the Moscow pack once more seeking the core of her distress. But they could not help with this, either. The animal awakening lit something in her, though. And it was flight.
She caught Jacinda’s hand in her own. Dark eyes never took a blink, but they were a little wide with the beating heart of her fear and discomfort. She bent the fingers to kiss, but then let go. “Can’t,” she said hoarsely. Then she found her feet in one fluid motion. Her brows knit. It almost looked like pain. “Need air.” Control had not been such a heavy burden in many years, but there was a whine in her throat barely stifled. She needed to get out. She needed to find calm.
The wolves knew her inside out, from flesh to soul, and it was a natural connection she did not question. Humans were another matter. The last time she had been known thoroughly, it had been the lamas at the monastery, and that had been in the delicate balance of life, death, and judgement. Her training had been a different beast to the Athari of the Vatican, but it was still governed by the same rules. She had spent her life hiding.
It was a hard camouflage to abandon, and that even supposed she wanted to. The two spheres of her life had always been separate, and she had never had cause to contemplate another way. Caught unawares now, confronting that question for the first time in her life, she felt backed into a corner.
She did not want to destroy, and Jacinda looked delicate enough to break without meaning to. Fragile breath all held in her lungs, touch turned tentative now. The scents had all changed.
She will hate you for lying.
Following that alarming thought were distant nudges at her mind, the Moscow pack once more seeking the core of her distress. But they could not help with this, either. The animal awakening lit something in her, though. And it was flight.
She caught Jacinda’s hand in her own. Dark eyes never took a blink, but they were a little wide with the beating heart of her fear and discomfort. She bent the fingers to kiss, but then let go. “Can’t,” she said hoarsely. Then she found her feet in one fluid motion. Her brows knit. It almost looked like pain. “Need air.” Control had not been such a heavy burden in many years, but there was a whine in her throat barely stifled. She needed to get out. She needed to find calm.