Cleaning Up (Nox’s Building)

[Legione Sumus]

Olivia Mitchel

The kids were all busy doing their thing. Some were dancing, some were living waits and punching the bag, and some were practicing their katas. Nox was still figuring his shit out. He seemed a lot more lost than usual. And alot less focused than the man they'd first met. She understood what was going on. She could feel his loss, she never wanted to feel it. The power was life. Like him it was her purpose and losing it. She wasn't nearly as strong as he was.

Elyse interrupted her thoughts and Liv gave her a small smile. "Now is good." Liv looked around and the couch was piled high with the kids coats. She tossed them into the corner, they really needed to get some lockers or something down here. "Sky, could you remind Nox to look into some cubbies or lockers for all our things down here. I'm sure he'd appreciate it."

"Of course." The computerized voice sounded softly in the speakers nearest here.

"The kids will be fine. Let's talk over here." She said to Elyse. Anna wasn't too far behind.

[Anna]

Liv seemed a little distracted at first but seemed in good spirits today. Anna had a feeling that it wouldn’t be an issue for her. Elyse wasn’t in a good headspace and that made her more likely to think that everyone was against her. They might be frustrated, but Anna really believed that they cared about Elyse, and they wanted her to get better. For some reason, Elyse was finding it hard to believe that.

Anna had no idea what Elyse planned to say, but the pair followed Liv to the couch and Elyse sat down next to Liv. Anna stayed standing by the side of the couch. It wasn’t her discussion. She was here, but this was something Elyse felt she needed to do. Anna would support her.

Elyse seemed to relax a bit as they sat down. She took a deep breath and composed herself. ”iI saw the psychologist today - severe clinical depression. She put me on meds. Sky told me that you, Liam, and Ashton have a key to the lockbox for meds and I’m not supposed to hold on to them, so I thought I should give them to you so they can be secured,” Anna took that as her cue to pull the bottle out of her pocket and hand them to Liv. ”I set an appointment on the shared calendar to take them daily at 8:00 am - if that doesn’t work with one of you three, I can set it for a better time. Sky ordered a lock box that she can control that should be here tomorrow - so you needed to help disperse my medication should be short term.” Elyse looked down, but it seemed like she had more to say.

[Elyse]

Elyse relaxed as she sat down with Liv. Liv didn’t seem angry or upset. It did seem like Elyse had interrupted her thoughts though. She went into her diagnosis and everything she had set up for her medication. She hadn’t pick her particular time for any specific reason just that it wasn’t to early. As long as she took her medicine at approximately the same time every day it would work.

Elyse had more to say after that because truly she felt very sorry about how bad of a housemate she had been. She hadn’t really done much to contribute here - financially or otherwise. It was why she felt like she was a burden. She knew that particular thought - that she was a burden was something she had to work on. She had talked about it with the psychologist today and they had worked on tools to help ease those thoughts. Regardless, she felt like she had wronged the Blackthorn group - and in particular the three eldest and Liv.

Elyse looked up, meeting Liv’s gaze. ”I wanted to say I’m sorry too. I’ve not been an ideal housemate. I’ve been quite selfish. I know everyone here has their own problems. I’ve not made things easier for anyone since I’ve been here, and I’ve probably made things harder,” she had worked out how to say this with her therapist. It was a difficult road to walk. Her struggles were valid and she didn’t have to apologize for that, but she could recognize the effect they had on others without pushing her own struggles aside. Elyse tried to do this. ”I know things have been pretty stressful on you, and I want to do better. I’m trying really hard to be better. I don’t want to…” she trailed off. She was going to say “be dead weight” but she had to be more positive. ”I want to contribute more. Is there anything I can do to help you.” She was truly remorseful. She just wanted to make things right.

[Legione Sumus]

Liv took the offered pills and looked at the prescription. "Liam will likely be the one to help. He's the only one of us who gets up like a normal person. Ashton and I tend to work club hours to help. Ashton at the club and I stay with the kids, mostly Lily so Nox can work."

She didn't really know what to say to the rest of it. "You do realize that everyone living under this roof is a burden to only one person -- Nox. He offered his home to us, to you. He is legally fostering the kids including Liam. Ashton and I stay here only under his good graces. We don't pay rent. We don't have jobs. You at least chip in for the utilities and stuff. You shouldn't be asking me what you can do to help. I don't know. I'm 26 and I have no idea what to do with my life. My only thought in life before now as to survive until the next day. To do what I was told and keep everyone healthy. My life hasn't changed much."

[Anna]

Anna kept her eye on Elyse as Liv spoke. Elyse looked confused about it all as she tried to rectify all she knew with what Liv had just old her. Anna hoped she’d see it. Anna hadn’t flicked her on the ear yet, but it was close. Elyse was jumping back and forth between the line of blaming herself and not. Liv had told her she had nothing to apologize for - at least to her.

The confusion changed to understanding. Elyse was beginning to get it through the fog of her depression. She hadn’t hurt anyone by being hurt herself though her brain was telling her otherwise. Anna also knew that Elyse was younger than Liv now. It was okay to not know.

Anna watched Elyse look at the kids. All of them were just having a good time being active. None of them were bothered by her. A couple of the younger ones even waved. Elyse smiled a bit and waved back. She was getting it.

”My psychologist told me that I’m seeing more than is actually there - interpreting signals that don’t exist. Maybe she’s right…”

Anna knelt down and took Elyse’s hand. ”You’re not a burden, Elyse,” she said. Elyse had to be the one to see it.

[Elyse]

Elyse thought about what Liv said. She could have sworn everyone was upset with her because of her freakout the day before - because she had been so absorbed in herself to care about others. Hayden had told her this over and over again. Nox had told her this. Sage had pushed in a similar way. She wasn’t, and she’s began to understand that.

Today her psychologist had said similar things. She wasn’t reading signals right. It wasn’t her fault. Her brain wasn’t making all the right chemicals. It created a miscommunication that made her see everything in a bad light.

Elyse watched the kids - so happy right now when things had been so bad for them before. Some of them had seen really hard times and others not as much, but they pressed on. Elyse felt a new admiration for them. They were survivors and they would live another day. Anna spoke words to her, reinforcing what everyone had been saying to her. She wasn’t a burden - and for the first time in a long time. She didn’t feel that way.

”Im not a burden,” she said it out loud and felt immediately better. She still didn’t feel great, but she did feel better. Elyse turned to Liv again. She was beginning to understand more too - about why she was pushing away. ”Thanks for saying that. It seems obvious, but - I’m still confused about a lot of things right now.”

Elyse hadn’t expected to have any insight about herself with this talk. She was worried about relapsing, but this would give her some breathing room. It gave her a lot to think about. She felt her admiration for the other woman grow, and hoped that she could find a friend there too.

[Anna]

Anna listened and was glad Elyse was starting to get it. It would be a journey still, but this was a good step. Now Anna had to deal with Liv. Anna had heard the bitterness in Liv's voice. Something that said she wasn't happy. Liv had lots of reasons to be upset, but her life hadn't changed much since she got out of the hell that was the life of the Blackthorns. Others were beginning to pursue new things, but to Liv, everything was the same. Anna couldn't help but feel something there.

Elyse wouldn't have noticed it. Elyse was still dealing with her shit, and it made it hard for her to see the struggles of others. Anna knew this was why Elyse felt guilty all the time. They were working on that. Perhaps they could help Liv out too though. Give her something different.

"Maybe we can find a time to do something - something just for you," Anna turned to Liv and gave her an encouraging smile. "Think about it. What is something you've always wanted to do, but never could? Something fun."

[Legione Sumus]

Olivia Mitchel

Liv chuckled. "I don't even know what fun looks like. We weren't allowed much of anything." But Liv thought about it. "I'd be happy just for a day off. A day without someone saying Liv can you do this, can you do that? I get Nox never stops, he's always so busy. He needs a break too. We don't all need to break our backs. Liam wants to do more. I suppose I could ask him to help more too. Just I was..." She was expected to do it all, she was the oldest and the Mistress didn't need to do it anymore. It was her job. And she did love the kids it was all so hard. "Just a day off would be nice."

[Anna]

Anna listened intently to Liv. It was sad. ”it sounds like that would be a wonderful thing for you to do,” Anna looked at Elyse who gave her a brief smile. She was game.

”You should do it - take a day for you. Maybe this Sunday. I’d be up for a girl’s day out, and we could probably convince this one to go out too,” Anna touched Elyse on the knee. ”of course - if you want it to yourself, we won’t interfere, but either way - I think you need a day off.”

Anna stood up and sat next to Elyse. Elyse scooted over a little bit so she was between them. ”At least think about it,” Anna encouraged her.

[Elyse]

Elyse listened to Anna as she told Liv told her about having a day off. It was a good idea, and Elyse would love to spend a day getting to know Liv if that’s what she wanted, but it had to be Liv’s choice. It was her day. Anna sat next to her and Elyse moved over a little to accommodate her.

”If you decide to take a day off, it would be beneficial to get out of here for most of it. Just to keep others from bothering you about little things. You can ask Sky to notify you about emergencies just in case. Gives you less to worry about out when you’re out,”

Elyse gave her a smile. ”I think it would be good - and you could experience some fun. You want a girl’s day out, we’re in. You want to go by yourself - we’ll support you - even watch over the kids so you can, and if you’re not ready for a full day and want to talk, hang out, or vent - we’re here.”