Kintsugi

[Nox]

The more time he spent around Kallisti, the more people started to notice his anger/aggression over the littlest thing. Feeding two of the three additional hungers only did so good when you still tempered both of them. Food was only so much he could eat before Nox felt like he was going to gain weight and put on unwanted pounds. Not that he thought anyone other than himself would think anything of it, but he'd notice. And he'd been noticing the changes. He neither wanted to bulk up or fatten up in any terms. He was find with how he looked without the fucking horde messing with his appetites.

And sex was totally out of the question -- at least until he figured out where he stood with Raffe. He held out hope for something going forward, but as the days drew on the harder it was to believe and it had nothing to do at all with their sex lives. Nox's doubts of himself and his worth plagued his mind and his soul. And the voice of his sister torn into him at every down moment. If he kept moving, didn't sleep or rest he could fight off the voices. Being alone was difficult and he hated being alone with his thoughts.

Fighting had become a thing to blow of steam. He missed his dojo in Dorian's basement and the warehouse. Missed the place to throw himself into with abandon and knowledge he'd not hurt anyone inside the ring. Fighting at the Alamaz he had to hold back. Sparring required holding back. But the fight was all he had to deal with pent up energy of the horde. They were few and far between, but their tiny voices beat against his walls like they beat against their enclosures wherever they were. They drew him towards them, and each day on his runs and walks around the city he followed their voices. He'd find them. Kill them to silence their din. But then it was just himself locked in his head. Forever with the fuel of the horde and no outlet. Nox didn't see anyway out of his present hell and he almost wished to end things with Raffe so that his friend and love wouldn't have to endure his ineptitude and disappoint him again and again when he failed to be the man he could be without the horde lingering in his mind. That was the ultimate depression -- the place where his heart sank and he'd reach for the ring he was making in his pocket. Always a comfort to run his fingers over the now smooth stone. His light, his hope caught up in one tiny trinket and yet that light hinged on one thing. Getting up was easy. Moving forward was hard. Moving on would be hell. Forward was all he had right now. Each day a new step. Each day a new fight.

One snap to the right ears brought him to Gracie's gym. A place he'd been to once or twice with Bas. The memories filled his mind. Another loss. Memories that bore deep scars. Nox was not one to fight with a woman, but Oriena was no ordinary woman and when she offered to put him in his place -- not those exact words. Nor exactly what she said, he took her up. If they were in the dojo it might be fun to add the power to the fight. It was a challenge fighting a woman. He knew when the power rose with in but that was the extent of his knowledge. Aurora loved besting him when they were learning. But she wasn't a fighter. She preferred the softer more subtle things. But they had learned together to fight.

The spar had one simple rule. No shots to the face. Which of course lead to Nox leaving with a bloodied nose and a busted lip. Rules weren't Ori's thing. Though he probably deserved one of them after running his mouth and shortening her name in front of others who keenly watched him get the hell beat out of him. Did he lose on purpose? Maybe -- maybe not. Part of the fight inside was his failing morale. His need to feel like shit. What better way than to be beaten into submission.

Ori dug into the visceral wounds of his mind, taunting and pushing him until he'd get up for more. It was therapy in a sick sort of way. A physical fight into his mind -- into his pain and anguish. He luxuriated in the physical pain, it beat the mental and emotional stuff. He was heading down a dark path, and the light poked through in rare glimpses. Oriena didn't show she cared in no way anyone else would interpret, but if you knew her well enough, you knew it meant something.

By the end of the day Nox was grateful to curl up in his bed. Though sadness struck again knowing it was empty. But that was for the next day.