01-13-2025, 12:27 AM
The crying didn’t stop, but she could feel the power of the guilt diminishing. She knew she couldn’t solve everything in one day, but she felt some relief from the agonizing torment. One guilt at a time. That made sense. When she looked deep in, she could almost see it. The guilt wasn’t one large creature within her like she imagined. It was several. Some smaller m, and some larger. One at a time.
She picked the one to talk about, pushing her writing aside. She couldn’t focus on both right now. She placed her elbows on the counter and buried her face in her hands sobbing. This was the hard one. It was the one that started all of it.
Elyse took deep breaths, calming herself. She knew now Hayden wasn’t judging her, he wasn’t going to make fun of her for crying. He wasn’t going to rush her either. So she cried and let herself cry. She composed herself and began to talk about the guilt that hurt her the most.
”Mom…he killed her. I called her and told her what I was. When he found out…he killed her. He loved her and he killed her. And it’s my fault. If I wouldn’t have told her, she’d still be alive. It’s my fault she’s dead,” she looked Hayden in the eyes, getting as real as she could. ”Everyone tells me. You didn’t do it. You didn’t pull the trigger. I’m not stupid, Hayden. I know I didn’t kill my mom, but I can’t deny that my actions led to her death. That’s what hurts the worst.”
Her hands began to shake. She was opening up, and she was terrified. It was as if she could feel the wound opening again. ”I can’t see any way her death isn’t my fault.”
She picked the one to talk about, pushing her writing aside. She couldn’t focus on both right now. She placed her elbows on the counter and buried her face in her hands sobbing. This was the hard one. It was the one that started all of it.
Elyse took deep breaths, calming herself. She knew now Hayden wasn’t judging her, he wasn’t going to make fun of her for crying. He wasn’t going to rush her either. So she cried and let herself cry. She composed herself and began to talk about the guilt that hurt her the most.
”Mom…he killed her. I called her and told her what I was. When he found out…he killed her. He loved her and he killed her. And it’s my fault. If I wouldn’t have told her, she’d still be alive. It’s my fault she’s dead,” she looked Hayden in the eyes, getting as real as she could. ”Everyone tells me. You didn’t do it. You didn’t pull the trigger. I’m not stupid, Hayden. I know I didn’t kill my mom, but I can’t deny that my actions led to her death. That’s what hurts the worst.”
Her hands began to shake. She was opening up, and she was terrified. It was as if she could feel the wound opening again. ”I can’t see any way her death isn’t my fault.”