Cruz nodded. Mistakes happen, but the whole mood was killed. What had supposed to have been a fun long night together felt dead now. The buzz only grew stronger, there as a sort of fear in all this. Fear of losing someone. Fear of the unknown, but it wasn't what he was seeking.
"It's fine." he said. "But it's not all your fault. I wasn't saying you weren't enough." Cruz sighed and got up and started pacing. "You wouldn't like anything I've been doing outside of those things. You'll probably be pretty disappointed and upset if you knew."
Cruz stopped about ten paces away from Rachel on the bed and turned around to look at her. "My roommates introduced me to various different kinds of legal and some not so legal forms of ..." Cruz searched for a word that would make it sound better, but he couldn't find one so he just called it what it was. "... drugs. I saw things while on one that haunts me still. But it's not an evil haunting per se. It's the fear, the adrenaline running through your veins, the buzz of the unknown, the flight for life. And with the drug its even more intense."
He looked down at the floor. "Those girls at the bar you clocked. They are part of the whole fear seeking. They always seem to be around when its good, when I find what I'm seeking. I don't know if that first night was real or not, but I feel like they saved me from a far worse fate. I don't know... But I'm being honest because I care about you, and I would say I love you, but I'm pretty sure this is the end of things so... not much point in it. But Rachel, none of this has anything to do with you. I wasn't seeking another girl or a thrill. It just happened, this fear seeking just happened because I was willing to rebel against everythign I ever knew."
Cruz held up the coin Zeke had given him. It wasn't the same one he'd found, but it was identical in every way. "It all started because of this."
"It's fine." he said. "But it's not all your fault. I wasn't saying you weren't enough." Cruz sighed and got up and started pacing. "You wouldn't like anything I've been doing outside of those things. You'll probably be pretty disappointed and upset if you knew."
Cruz stopped about ten paces away from Rachel on the bed and turned around to look at her. "My roommates introduced me to various different kinds of legal and some not so legal forms of ..." Cruz searched for a word that would make it sound better, but he couldn't find one so he just called it what it was. "... drugs. I saw things while on one that haunts me still. But it's not an evil haunting per se. It's the fear, the adrenaline running through your veins, the buzz of the unknown, the flight for life. And with the drug its even more intense."
He looked down at the floor. "Those girls at the bar you clocked. They are part of the whole fear seeking. They always seem to be around when its good, when I find what I'm seeking. I don't know if that first night was real or not, but I feel like they saved me from a far worse fate. I don't know... But I'm being honest because I care about you, and I would say I love you, but I'm pretty sure this is the end of things so... not much point in it. But Rachel, none of this has anything to do with you. I wasn't seeking another girl or a thrill. It just happened, this fear seeking just happened because I was willing to rebel against everythign I ever knew."
Cruz held up the coin Zeke had given him. It wasn't the same one he'd found, but it was identical in every way. "It all started because of this."