9/6/2032
Dear Diary,
A guy came to school today to talk about playing in band or orchestra. It looks lots of fun. I really liked the big violin they had. The guy said it’s a bass. I asked mama about playing and she said that would be fine! I’m so happy!
-Casey
4/18/2035
Dear Diary,
I had a strange dream last night. It wasn’t so much what happened in the dream because nothing really happened. It was just that it felt so real. Light seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at once. People would appear and then disappear within moments. Still - it felt so real. I asked Mom about it. She told me dreams like that come from the devil, and if I was having those dreams I was in sin and should pray about it. I just said “yes mom,” and went to my room. Fifth commandment says honor your father and mother. I didn’t want to tell her that I knew I had done nothing wrong.
-Casey
10/23/2038
Dear Diary,
I walked home from school today. My parents don’t mind. It was a beautiful day and they always told me that it’s good to admire God’s creations. While walking home I heard a noise coming from an alley. I felt pulled to go check. A teenage boy was hitting another. I felt compelled to act, so I ran up, telling the bully to leave him alone. The bully approached me and pushed me asking what I was going to do to stop it. I was scared but didn’t back down. He tried to push me again, but I pushed back. I didn’t push him that hard, but he went airborne and landed several feet away. He then got up and ran away. I helped the victim by going to the pharmacy and getting him bandaged up. I can’t stop thinking about it though. I didn’t hit him that hard.
Diary, I’m scared I might be a witch.
I don’t want to think about it anymore. I’m going to go practice.
-Casey
11/3/2038
Dear Diary,
I’m sick today. Not fever, throwing up sick. Just a bad headache. And I mean BAD!!!! It feels like something is trying to carve itself out of my skull. I told mom and said I thought I should stay home today. She told me it’s just a headache and gave me some ibuprofen to help. It didn’t really help, but I went to school. The lights really bothered me and my homeroom teacher asked if I was okay. I said I was, but don’t think she believed me. It was in orchestra that it got really bad. The lights and sound just made it so much worse that I started to cry. My teacher sent me to the nurse and sent me home. Head still hurts. It’s hard to write without the light on. I’m going to go try to take a nap.
-Casey
1/16/2039
Dear Diary,
The choir teacher talked to me today. He’s starting a vocal jazz ensemble and he was wondering if I’d be interested in playing bass guitar in their combo. I got a bass guitar a couple of years ago and have been practicing. This will be a good thing for me to do! I’m excited!
-Casey
4/10/2040
Dear Diary,
I got asked to go to Prom today. Not once, but twice. Alex, a boy from church asked me to go. He’s nice enough, friendly, kind of cute. He was very polite. Then Karrie asked me to go to. She’s a girl from orchestra. Also kind, very pretty. It caught me off guard, but even more so when she kissed me. Two people asked me. Of course I’m going with Alex. I can’t go with Karrie. Mom and Dad wouldn’t approve. But, if I’m being honest, I want to go with Karrie. I can’t stop thinking about that kiss. I can’t stop because I liked it. I’m not supposed to like it though. I’m not supposed to feel that way about girls. Am I?
I’m so confused.
-Casey
5/6/2040
Dear Diary,
It turns out I’m bisexual. There aren't many I can come out to without mom and dad finding out, so I’m coming out to you! How lucky! Karrie has been making an effort to talk to me more. She wanted to go on dates and stuff. I never really said no or anything, and I guess that is what prompted her to keep trying. I also never told her I didn’t like girls. I think deep down, I knew it was a lie. I talked with her more about it today, telling her of my confused feelings and she helped me work things out. I also told her I couldn’t date her![[Image: sad.png]](https://thefirstage.org/forums/images/smilies/sad.png)
I felt really bad about that, but after I explained my situation, she understood. At least we’re still friends.
The whole situation has me thinking about a lot of things. I grew up in the Evangelical Christian tradition. I was always told this was wrong, but I never made a choice about this. It’s not only that, but other things. Anytime something bad happens “it’s because of my sin” or “I’m not right with God.” I don’t get it. I’m not perfect, but I’m not a bad person. Why am I always being punished for things I didn’t do? And if God doesn’t make mistakes, then why am I…
It hurts to think like this. It hurts to think that everything that everyone taught me might be wrong. I can’t stop crying about it. Mom asked me what’s wrong. I told her I just had a rough day at school. I lied to my mom - and it wasn’t just hiding things that I wasn’t sure about. I flat out lied to her. I tell myself that I did it to protect myself. I’m scared, Diary. I’m scared and I’m confused.
-Casey
5/20/2050
Dear Diary,
Happy News! I’ll be attending Millikin University next fall studying instrumental music education. My thoughts on my religious views have been changing. I just feel like I don’t fit in so much there anymore. Moving out of Tennessee will give me the space I need to figure this out. I haven’t told Mom and Dad yet. Once more, I’m keeping things from them. I’ll tell them later. Right now, I just can’t.
-Casey
8/6/2040
Dear Diary,
I’m in college now, so maybe writing in a diary is a little young for me, but it’s a great way for me to get my feelings out. So you still have to deal with me! First day on campus! I met my roommate. She’s a nice girl studying vocal and piano performance. It seems like we will have a lot in common. She doesn’t talk much, but she isn’t standoffish. Her eyes have a look though - like she’s seen a lot. She’s probably been through some things. Oh! Her name is Cadence.
-Casey
8/30/2040
Dear Diary,
I’ve been dating a boy for a bit. It’s been nice! I did finally call my parents. They’re unhappy with my decision to “backslide” as they like to call it, and said they will pray for me. The words seem hollow. I just…wish they got it. I still love them, but I feel like there is a disconnect. I want to connect, but I want to be true to me. They don’t know about my sexuality yet or about the time when I think I used magic…
Speaking of which, it happened again. This time someone was harassing a homeless guy near campus. I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t. He was about to punch the homeless man, but his fist hit an invisible wall. I think I was right. I think I’m a witch, and it scares me. I didn’t mean to do anything.
-Casey
9/4/2040
Dear Diary,
I heard Cadence sing for the first time today. OMG!!!! She has a phenomenal voice! Like professional good! All I can remember thinking is that I needed to practice more. That voice - it just made me want to be a better musician.
9/10/2040
Dear Diary,
The massive headache came back. This time with nausea and a fever. I stayed in my room today. Cadence is out visiting family, so I don’t have to worry about getting her sick at least. The last time I had a headache this bad was in high school. Seems odd to come back so late, so I reread some of my entries from around then. Last time this happened was about two weeks after the incident with the bully. This one is a week and a half after the incident with the homeless man. It seems like me using magic and the headaches are linked. This can’t be good. I’m not sure what this means, but I think it means I have to control the magic. At the very least, I can stop getting sick if I can learn that. I have no idea where to start.
-Casey
11/5/2040
Dear Diary,
I was about to go on a date when I got back to the room tonight. Cadence was there, crying. I told my boyfriend that I needed to stay here and reschedule our date. His response was rather selfish. He demanded I go with him. It angered me to no end. I told him we’re done right there. Cadence needed me more. I sat next to her and hugged her. She then began to tell me a story…her story. An abusive father that abandoned her. Seven years in the foster system. Her quiet nature makes sense now. Ever since we met, I felt this need to be some sort of shield for her. She has a lot of scars, and I want to be there for her. I love her. Not romantically, but she’s become like a sister in a close amount of time. She needs me, and I think in some ways I need her too. Her messy beginning to life wasn’t like mine. It was way worse, but I found a sort of kindred spirit with her. I told her I’d always be there to listen or to be a shoulder to cry on. After she calmed down, I told her I’m bi and my struggles growing up. It just seemed right. She listened intently and told me she had two moms and was glad that I trusted her with that. Then it was my turn to cry. It felt good to be accepted.
-Casey
3/6/2041
Dear Diary,
Decatur, IL is a kind of scary community, and I was privy to yet another domestic disturbance. Man beating his girlfriend or wife. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter, but remembering what happened last time, I paid attention as I approached. It seems stupid in hindsight, but something moved me to intervene. I don’t understand it. As I told the man to stop, I searched inside myself. I’d been reading about magic - not like magic tricks - but like the things witches “can do” and somehow I had to find the energy in me. And when I told him to stop, I “saw” it. It was like a river moving through me. I reached for it, felt it try to pull me away. I followed instinct, letting it take me. And then I felt it. Sweetness…power… As I approached I saw what looked like threads forming around the woman - a protective shield that covered her from her attacker. It was long enough for the cops to arrive and take care of it. I wonder if I’ll get sick again.
5/16/2044
OMG! It’s been years since I’ve written here! Sorry! Well I didn’t get sick again. I’ve also not touched my magic again. Part of me still feels guilty about it. Some things take awhile to die down. That whole “suffer not a witch to live” thing comes up when I think about it. I’ve tried to recreate what happened, but that river of power is there, but not accessible. Something keeps me from touching it. I don’t know what.
Catch up time! Past few years have been great. I’m about to graduate! Cadence and I have remained close. Roommates for four years! A couple of years ago, she sang at an open mic night and has since become a YouTube sensation. Hell, she even got an offer from an agent!
That brings me today! We’re packing up and I find my diary. I have to write this in for sure! I get back after having some lunch and Cadence is talking on the phone. I don’t listen in. I just head to my room to finish packing. A couple of minutes later and she’s in my room telling me that she just got off the phone with Marlise Taylor and she is going to be recording an album! I hug and congratulate her before she tells me she needs my help. She wants ME to play bass and help her find the rest of her band. I’m absolutely floored! I never in a million years would have expected this.
-Casey
11/15/2044
Dear Diary,
Last page of this one - and this is a perfect entry. We just played our first tour concert at the United Center in Chicago - SOLD OUT!!!! My hands are still shaking from the excitement. We were all so nervous beforehand. Cara kept spinning her sticks. Matt was pacing. Barry couldn’t keep his leg from bouncing up and down. But Cadence. Cadence stood there, proud and confident. The socially awkward woman who seemed so shy was so confident. I knew then everything would be alright. We went on stage and as soon as she sang the first note, the crowd erupted in applause and cheers. Her performance was so genuine - something that has been missing in commercial music for so long. The audience can hear and see her heart. I’m proud of her. I’m proud of us!
-Casey
Casey is the bassist and Band Leader of Cadence Mathis’ band. She grew up in an Evangelical Christian home, and as a result felt guilt for things such as her sexuality, strange dreams, and her ability to use magic. She doesn’t understand the dreamworld (not even knowing it’s a different place) at all. She only knows that she’s uncomfortable there. She sees it as only a lucid dream, and tries to forget them. An instilled hatred of witchcraft from her parents has kept her from exploring her magical abilities, even though she has mostly come to peace with her past. As the goddess Hlin reborn, she feels very strongly about protecting others and consoling them in their pain. This has led to her connection with her boss and best friend, Cadence Mathis. In fact, she can currently only channel if she is protecting someone else. She's adept with air and spirit. Her primary talent is in defensive weaves up to and including (eventually) shielding from the power.
Name: Casey Bennett
Age: 24
Origin: Chattanooga, TN, Currently Moscow
Occupation: Professional Musician - Bassist and Band Leader for Cadence Mathis
Psychological Description: Sunny, cheerful, and enjoys a good joke.
Powers: Channeler, dreamwalker
Current Strength: 10
Potential Strength: 27
Experience Level: New
Reborn God: Hlin (Norse Goddess of Protection and Consolation)
Dear Diary,
A guy came to school today to talk about playing in band or orchestra. It looks lots of fun. I really liked the big violin they had. The guy said it’s a bass. I asked mama about playing and she said that would be fine! I’m so happy!
-Casey
4/18/2035
Dear Diary,
I had a strange dream last night. It wasn’t so much what happened in the dream because nothing really happened. It was just that it felt so real. Light seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at once. People would appear and then disappear within moments. Still - it felt so real. I asked Mom about it. She told me dreams like that come from the devil, and if I was having those dreams I was in sin and should pray about it. I just said “yes mom,” and went to my room. Fifth commandment says honor your father and mother. I didn’t want to tell her that I knew I had done nothing wrong.
-Casey
10/23/2038
Dear Diary,
I walked home from school today. My parents don’t mind. It was a beautiful day and they always told me that it’s good to admire God’s creations. While walking home I heard a noise coming from an alley. I felt pulled to go check. A teenage boy was hitting another. I felt compelled to act, so I ran up, telling the bully to leave him alone. The bully approached me and pushed me asking what I was going to do to stop it. I was scared but didn’t back down. He tried to push me again, but I pushed back. I didn’t push him that hard, but he went airborne and landed several feet away. He then got up and ran away. I helped the victim by going to the pharmacy and getting him bandaged up. I can’t stop thinking about it though. I didn’t hit him that hard.
Diary, I’m scared I might be a witch.
I don’t want to think about it anymore. I’m going to go practice.
-Casey
11/3/2038
Dear Diary,
I’m sick today. Not fever, throwing up sick. Just a bad headache. And I mean BAD!!!! It feels like something is trying to carve itself out of my skull. I told mom and said I thought I should stay home today. She told me it’s just a headache and gave me some ibuprofen to help. It didn’t really help, but I went to school. The lights really bothered me and my homeroom teacher asked if I was okay. I said I was, but don’t think she believed me. It was in orchestra that it got really bad. The lights and sound just made it so much worse that I started to cry. My teacher sent me to the nurse and sent me home. Head still hurts. It’s hard to write without the light on. I’m going to go try to take a nap.
-Casey
1/16/2039
Dear Diary,
The choir teacher talked to me today. He’s starting a vocal jazz ensemble and he was wondering if I’d be interested in playing bass guitar in their combo. I got a bass guitar a couple of years ago and have been practicing. This will be a good thing for me to do! I’m excited!
-Casey
4/10/2040
Dear Diary,
I got asked to go to Prom today. Not once, but twice. Alex, a boy from church asked me to go. He’s nice enough, friendly, kind of cute. He was very polite. Then Karrie asked me to go to. She’s a girl from orchestra. Also kind, very pretty. It caught me off guard, but even more so when she kissed me. Two people asked me. Of course I’m going with Alex. I can’t go with Karrie. Mom and Dad wouldn’t approve. But, if I’m being honest, I want to go with Karrie. I can’t stop thinking about that kiss. I can’t stop because I liked it. I’m not supposed to like it though. I’m not supposed to feel that way about girls. Am I?
I’m so confused.
-Casey
5/6/2040
Dear Diary,
It turns out I’m bisexual. There aren't many I can come out to without mom and dad finding out, so I’m coming out to you! How lucky! Karrie has been making an effort to talk to me more. She wanted to go on dates and stuff. I never really said no or anything, and I guess that is what prompted her to keep trying. I also never told her I didn’t like girls. I think deep down, I knew it was a lie. I talked with her more about it today, telling her of my confused feelings and she helped me work things out. I also told her I couldn’t date her
I felt really bad about that, but after I explained my situation, she understood. At least we’re still friends. The whole situation has me thinking about a lot of things. I grew up in the Evangelical Christian tradition. I was always told this was wrong, but I never made a choice about this. It’s not only that, but other things. Anytime something bad happens “it’s because of my sin” or “I’m not right with God.” I don’t get it. I’m not perfect, but I’m not a bad person. Why am I always being punished for things I didn’t do? And if God doesn’t make mistakes, then why am I…
It hurts to think like this. It hurts to think that everything that everyone taught me might be wrong. I can’t stop crying about it. Mom asked me what’s wrong. I told her I just had a rough day at school. I lied to my mom - and it wasn’t just hiding things that I wasn’t sure about. I flat out lied to her. I tell myself that I did it to protect myself. I’m scared, Diary. I’m scared and I’m confused.
-Casey
5/20/2050
Dear Diary,
Happy News! I’ll be attending Millikin University next fall studying instrumental music education. My thoughts on my religious views have been changing. I just feel like I don’t fit in so much there anymore. Moving out of Tennessee will give me the space I need to figure this out. I haven’t told Mom and Dad yet. Once more, I’m keeping things from them. I’ll tell them later. Right now, I just can’t.
-Casey
8/6/2040
Dear Diary,
I’m in college now, so maybe writing in a diary is a little young for me, but it’s a great way for me to get my feelings out. So you still have to deal with me! First day on campus! I met my roommate. She’s a nice girl studying vocal and piano performance. It seems like we will have a lot in common. She doesn’t talk much, but she isn’t standoffish. Her eyes have a look though - like she’s seen a lot. She’s probably been through some things. Oh! Her name is Cadence.
-Casey
8/30/2040
Dear Diary,
I’ve been dating a boy for a bit. It’s been nice! I did finally call my parents. They’re unhappy with my decision to “backslide” as they like to call it, and said they will pray for me. The words seem hollow. I just…wish they got it. I still love them, but I feel like there is a disconnect. I want to connect, but I want to be true to me. They don’t know about my sexuality yet or about the time when I think I used magic…
Speaking of which, it happened again. This time someone was harassing a homeless guy near campus. I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t. He was about to punch the homeless man, but his fist hit an invisible wall. I think I was right. I think I’m a witch, and it scares me. I didn’t mean to do anything.
-Casey
9/4/2040
Dear Diary,
I heard Cadence sing for the first time today. OMG!!!! She has a phenomenal voice! Like professional good! All I can remember thinking is that I needed to practice more. That voice - it just made me want to be a better musician.
9/10/2040
Dear Diary,
The massive headache came back. This time with nausea and a fever. I stayed in my room today. Cadence is out visiting family, so I don’t have to worry about getting her sick at least. The last time I had a headache this bad was in high school. Seems odd to come back so late, so I reread some of my entries from around then. Last time this happened was about two weeks after the incident with the bully. This one is a week and a half after the incident with the homeless man. It seems like me using magic and the headaches are linked. This can’t be good. I’m not sure what this means, but I think it means I have to control the magic. At the very least, I can stop getting sick if I can learn that. I have no idea where to start.
-Casey
11/5/2040
Dear Diary,
I was about to go on a date when I got back to the room tonight. Cadence was there, crying. I told my boyfriend that I needed to stay here and reschedule our date. His response was rather selfish. He demanded I go with him. It angered me to no end. I told him we’re done right there. Cadence needed me more. I sat next to her and hugged her. She then began to tell me a story…her story. An abusive father that abandoned her. Seven years in the foster system. Her quiet nature makes sense now. Ever since we met, I felt this need to be some sort of shield for her. She has a lot of scars, and I want to be there for her. I love her. Not romantically, but she’s become like a sister in a close amount of time. She needs me, and I think in some ways I need her too. Her messy beginning to life wasn’t like mine. It was way worse, but I found a sort of kindred spirit with her. I told her I’d always be there to listen or to be a shoulder to cry on. After she calmed down, I told her I’m bi and my struggles growing up. It just seemed right. She listened intently and told me she had two moms and was glad that I trusted her with that. Then it was my turn to cry. It felt good to be accepted.
-Casey
3/6/2041
Dear Diary,
Decatur, IL is a kind of scary community, and I was privy to yet another domestic disturbance. Man beating his girlfriend or wife. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter, but remembering what happened last time, I paid attention as I approached. It seems stupid in hindsight, but something moved me to intervene. I don’t understand it. As I told the man to stop, I searched inside myself. I’d been reading about magic - not like magic tricks - but like the things witches “can do” and somehow I had to find the energy in me. And when I told him to stop, I “saw” it. It was like a river moving through me. I reached for it, felt it try to pull me away. I followed instinct, letting it take me. And then I felt it. Sweetness…power… As I approached I saw what looked like threads forming around the woman - a protective shield that covered her from her attacker. It was long enough for the cops to arrive and take care of it. I wonder if I’ll get sick again.
5/16/2044
OMG! It’s been years since I’ve written here! Sorry! Well I didn’t get sick again. I’ve also not touched my magic again. Part of me still feels guilty about it. Some things take awhile to die down. That whole “suffer not a witch to live” thing comes up when I think about it. I’ve tried to recreate what happened, but that river of power is there, but not accessible. Something keeps me from touching it. I don’t know what.
Catch up time! Past few years have been great. I’m about to graduate! Cadence and I have remained close. Roommates for four years! A couple of years ago, she sang at an open mic night and has since become a YouTube sensation. Hell, she even got an offer from an agent!
That brings me today! We’re packing up and I find my diary. I have to write this in for sure! I get back after having some lunch and Cadence is talking on the phone. I don’t listen in. I just head to my room to finish packing. A couple of minutes later and she’s in my room telling me that she just got off the phone with Marlise Taylor and she is going to be recording an album! I hug and congratulate her before she tells me she needs my help. She wants ME to play bass and help her find the rest of her band. I’m absolutely floored! I never in a million years would have expected this.
-Casey
11/15/2044
Dear Diary,
Last page of this one - and this is a perfect entry. We just played our first tour concert at the United Center in Chicago - SOLD OUT!!!! My hands are still shaking from the excitement. We were all so nervous beforehand. Cara kept spinning her sticks. Matt was pacing. Barry couldn’t keep his leg from bouncing up and down. But Cadence. Cadence stood there, proud and confident. The socially awkward woman who seemed so shy was so confident. I knew then everything would be alright. We went on stage and as soon as she sang the first note, the crowd erupted in applause and cheers. Her performance was so genuine - something that has been missing in commercial music for so long. The audience can hear and see her heart. I’m proud of her. I’m proud of us!
-Casey
Casey is the bassist and Band Leader of Cadence Mathis’ band. She grew up in an Evangelical Christian home, and as a result felt guilt for things such as her sexuality, strange dreams, and her ability to use magic. She doesn’t understand the dreamworld (not even knowing it’s a different place) at all. She only knows that she’s uncomfortable there. She sees it as only a lucid dream, and tries to forget them. An instilled hatred of witchcraft from her parents has kept her from exploring her magical abilities, even though she has mostly come to peace with her past. As the goddess Hlin reborn, she feels very strongly about protecting others and consoling them in their pain. This has led to her connection with her boss and best friend, Cadence Mathis. In fact, she can currently only channel if she is protecting someone else. She's adept with air and spirit. Her primary talent is in defensive weaves up to and including (eventually) shielding from the power.
Name: Casey Bennett
Age: 24
Origin: Chattanooga, TN, Currently Moscow
Occupation: Professional Musician - Bassist and Band Leader for Cadence Mathis
Psychological Description: Sunny, cheerful, and enjoys a good joke.
Powers: Channeler, dreamwalker
Current Strength: 10
Potential Strength: 27
Experience Level: New
Reborn God: Hlin (Norse Goddess of Protection and Consolation)