02-06-2026, 12:31 AM
Marta went into Lily's room. She took a seat and held Lily tight. She probably could have set Lily down in her crib, but Marta wanted to hold the infant right now. Lily smiled up at her. Lily liked Marta. "May you never have to know the pain some of us have to know," she said quietly.
A few moments later, Hayden was sticking his head in the door asking if she was alright. Marta wasn't surprised he had seen something. He seemed to see everything around him. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" she said, her tone not really matching the words. It was a lie and it felt weird on her lips. She couldn't remember ever lying to anyone here before. She certainly never had lied to Hayden about how she was feeling.
She sighed. "Or I'm not," she gestured for Hayden to come in but didn't look up. "You saw how I look at Jackson, I guess. I never really thought about things like that. Not until recently. It was like a light switch. All of the sudden boys had bright lips and pretty eyes and...hips..."
Marta pulled Lily closer, gathering her thoughts. The situation was more complicated than it seemed on the surface. "It's not about Jackson. I like him. I told him. He said we should just be friends. I get it. That doesn't hurt - at least not that bad. It does a little I guess, but it's not about that. It's...deeper. It's about when I think about more than friendship with anyone..." she bit her bottom lip in frustrated thought. It was hard to find words. "It's not like when you or Nox or anyone hugs me. Our relationship isn't like that it never will be. It's not about sex either. It's hand holding...kissing...even hugging and knowing someone is more than a friend...I know what will happen. I know I'll freak out."
Marta wasn't sure when the tears had started falling. Her breathing hadn't changed. She just felt the hot tears stinging her eyes and drawing lines down her face. "No one else should have to suffer for my scars." Marta's voice turned resolute as she continued. "I'll be fine. I know the truth, and when it settles I'll be fine. The truth that I'm never going to have someone special like that. It wouldn't be fair to that person. Just one more thing the cartels stole from me."
Marta hadn't looked up at Hayden the whole time. She had kept her eyes on Lily. They said that Lily was good for healing. Marta felt no healing at that moment. Only empty pain.
A few moments later, Hayden was sticking his head in the door asking if she was alright. Marta wasn't surprised he had seen something. He seemed to see everything around him. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" she said, her tone not really matching the words. It was a lie and it felt weird on her lips. She couldn't remember ever lying to anyone here before. She certainly never had lied to Hayden about how she was feeling.
She sighed. "Or I'm not," she gestured for Hayden to come in but didn't look up. "You saw how I look at Jackson, I guess. I never really thought about things like that. Not until recently. It was like a light switch. All of the sudden boys had bright lips and pretty eyes and...hips..."
Marta pulled Lily closer, gathering her thoughts. The situation was more complicated than it seemed on the surface. "It's not about Jackson. I like him. I told him. He said we should just be friends. I get it. That doesn't hurt - at least not that bad. It does a little I guess, but it's not about that. It's...deeper. It's about when I think about more than friendship with anyone..." she bit her bottom lip in frustrated thought. It was hard to find words. "It's not like when you or Nox or anyone hugs me. Our relationship isn't like that it never will be. It's not about sex either. It's hand holding...kissing...even hugging and knowing someone is more than a friend...I know what will happen. I know I'll freak out."
Marta wasn't sure when the tears had started falling. Her breathing hadn't changed. She just felt the hot tears stinging her eyes and drawing lines down her face. "No one else should have to suffer for my scars." Marta's voice turned resolute as she continued. "I'll be fine. I know the truth, and when it settles I'll be fine. The truth that I'm never going to have someone special like that. It wouldn't be fair to that person. Just one more thing the cartels stole from me."
Marta hadn't looked up at Hayden the whole time. She had kept her eyes on Lily. They said that Lily was good for healing. Marta felt no healing at that moment. Only empty pain.