10-06-2014, 03:53 PM
Calvin offered up his glass as Jensen did his own and took a long sip, draining the rest of his glass. He politely asked Jensen if he could have another glass. For some reason, the lemonade made the craving for alcohol more manageable. He thought about Jensen's answers.
Jensen had wanted to help them. Part of Calvin probably had too, but the only thing he saw was the selfishness - the desire not to hurt inside anymore and the desire to be in control. He noticed not for the first time that he had lost control of himself tonight. The wolf had taken over.
The worst part though - the part that hit Calvin like a knife - was Jensen forgiving him. He didn't deserve it. Why would he do that? Even so, it felt nice to know that. That even though he had made a mistake, it was okay. Calvin couldn't think of why that was important.
"I...I think I used to be like that. Used to help people in need or even care, but now...not since I started hurting."
Calvin was surprised that he said it out loud, but he felt like he could trust Jensen. Jensen liked to help people, maybe he'd help him.
"It's always there - inside. It hurts."
Calvin wiped his eyes - not now..."It's why I drink and it's why I was there tonight. I'm not like you Jensen. Not really. I wasn't there to help those people. I was there so I didn't have to hurt. The result would have been good, but my intentions weren't. I'm..."
Calvin wasn't sure how to finish. He wasn't really sure what to say anymore either. Calvin wiped his eyes again and one of the contacts fell out - not that it mattered. Jensen had seen the eyes. Calvin pulled out the other one as well before wiping away the tears again.
Jensen had wanted to help them. Part of Calvin probably had too, but the only thing he saw was the selfishness - the desire not to hurt inside anymore and the desire to be in control. He noticed not for the first time that he had lost control of himself tonight. The wolf had taken over.
The worst part though - the part that hit Calvin like a knife - was Jensen forgiving him. He didn't deserve it. Why would he do that? Even so, it felt nice to know that. That even though he had made a mistake, it was okay. Calvin couldn't think of why that was important.
"I...I think I used to be like that. Used to help people in need or even care, but now...not since I started hurting."
Calvin was surprised that he said it out loud, but he felt like he could trust Jensen. Jensen liked to help people, maybe he'd help him.
"It's always there - inside. It hurts."
Calvin wiped his eyes - not now..."It's why I drink and it's why I was there tonight. I'm not like you Jensen. Not really. I wasn't there to help those people. I was there so I didn't have to hurt. The result would have been good, but my intentions weren't. I'm..."
Calvin wasn't sure how to finish. He wasn't really sure what to say anymore either. Calvin wiped his eyes again and one of the contacts fell out - not that it mattered. Jensen had seen the eyes. Calvin pulled out the other one as well before wiping away the tears again.