10-09-2014, 06:53 AM
Calvin once more felt.the deep knife of shame stab him as Jensen spoke. He couldn't meet the other man's gaze anymore. He knew Jensen was right. It was about control, and since Calvin couldn't control his own pain, he brought it on others. Criminal or not, Calvin knew it was wrong.
Calvin didn't look up. Instead he kept his gaze on the floor. The tears were no longer coming and that was a small relief. Calvin thought of his family and the shame inside of him deepened. They would truly be ashamed of what he had become.
Jensen's words were not lost on him. He had specifically said "first time." Calvin had assumed that it was also Jensen's last time. It must have been a bad experience to cause such a reaction. Calvin had drank alcohol before, but the night would always be the "first time" - the time with the prostitute - the time when he felt the pain and tried to cover it up.
Calvin thought he understood. He thought Jensen was trying to connect with him - dropping a subtle hint that he had hurt in the past - maybe he still did. Calvin didn't know, but Jensen's reaction to Calvin tonight had sparked something in him. Calfin had once been like this man, he could be again, but wasn't sure he was ready. Yet he asked the question: "What happened? That is...if...you want to share."
Calvin didn't look up. He still couldn't meet Jensen's gaze.
Calvin didn't look up. Instead he kept his gaze on the floor. The tears were no longer coming and that was a small relief. Calvin thought of his family and the shame inside of him deepened. They would truly be ashamed of what he had become.
Jensen's words were not lost on him. He had specifically said "first time." Calvin had assumed that it was also Jensen's last time. It must have been a bad experience to cause such a reaction. Calvin had drank alcohol before, but the night would always be the "first time" - the time with the prostitute - the time when he felt the pain and tried to cover it up.
Calvin thought he understood. He thought Jensen was trying to connect with him - dropping a subtle hint that he had hurt in the past - maybe he still did. Calvin didn't know, but Jensen's reaction to Calvin tonight had sparked something in him. Calfin had once been like this man, he could be again, but wasn't sure he was ready. Yet he asked the question: "What happened? That is...if...you want to share."
Calvin didn't look up. He still couldn't meet Jensen's gaze.