07-09-2014, 10:53 AM
Calvin smiled at Connor's banter. He had gotten fixed on the whole cheese idea, and Calvin actually did find it funny. Wisconsinites were usually thought of as cheese-heads - go packers!
Calvin answered his question about Sierra, "She does nature shots. Pretty good work from what I've seen."
The question he asked - what brought him to Moscow - was a problem, however. He couldn't tell Connor "Wolves told me to." Calvin himself wondered about his sanity when he thought about it. Perhaps his group at Liberty First was right and he was running away in grief. He hadn't thought so at the time, and Calvin thought he had dealt with it. But Mary and Benji kept coming back like ghosts to haunt him.
Calvin's smile faded as he answered, "To be honest, I'm not sure you'll believe me if I told you, but the short story is there's nothing for me in Wisconsin anymore."
Ayden came back to check and make sure they were doing well. Calvin looked at his beer bottle and drained the last of it.
"Whiskey please..."
Calvin's eyes rested on Connor's glass of water, remembering that Connor had chosen it because of an issue with drinking. This could easily turn into one if Calvin wasn't carful. "Acutally, I'll take a glass of water instead. Thank you Ayden."
Calvin felt he could trust Connor and really needed to get help on this issue. The only question was how to bring it up. Calvin looked at Connor and sighed.
"Sorry man, I'm a little on edge since the train ride."
Ayden came back when Calvin had finished his beer. Connor was still...nursing his water with lemon. Mentally he rolled his eyes. But he knew a few weeks with a completely clear head was important. And to show that he was in control of it. He smiled at Ayden. Whenever she got close to him he just felt happier. Content. He hadn't felt that way in a long while. Seemed like he went out of his way to be unhappy. And then drown himself in alcohol. He looked at Calvin, remembered the look on his face on the metro, and made a decision.
"Yeah, whiskey sounds good. Course I'm mostly rum. But even a whisky will do in a pinch."
He took a breath as if confessing something. "But not too long ago I...suffered some loss. It was overwhelming."
He looked Calvin in the eye. "I, uh. I kinda started going overboard, trying to deal with it."
A chuckle. "Well, more than kinda. I was losing myself to it."
He looked Calvin in the eye, ready to tell him the point. "I wasn't dealing with the issue. I didn't process it. Instead I tried to escape."
He let out a breath. "It wasn't good. So,"
he said, lifting his glass. "Right now, it's water for me. At least for the time being."
Connor's story hit home. Calvin was on a very dangerous road. Connor still had the bruises that spoke of his mistakes. It could have been a lot worse. Calvin thought of the circumstances of his wife and son's death - a drunk driver. Calvin wasn't opposed to drinking, but going to alcohol to cover up your pain wasn't an extremely bad choice.
Connor let slip that he had dealt with loss...well, he had probably done it on purpose. Calvin remembered the hint on the train. Connor was helping Calvin to trust him by sharing a part of his painful past with him. Calvin was ready to share his.
"Are you sure you want to help me with this?"
Calvin asked, meeting Connor's gaze who nodded knowingly.
Calvin pulled his wallet back out. He hadn't closed down the picture, so he slid it across the table towards Connor.
"That's my wife, Mary, and my son Benjamin. We always called him Benji though."
Connor had picked up the wallet and was looking at the picture. "He was four and had just caught a baseball for the first time. I was so proud of him that day, and so was Mary."
A smile came to his face as he remembered which then faded as he continued. "About a week after that picture was taken, I was finishing evening chores when Mary came to tell me that she had forgotten to get something at the store and was heading back into town. Since I was working, she took Benji with her."
He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes as he relived the pain of that night. "I went inside the house to get a drink of water and as I was heading back out, the phone rang. I answered and it was the hospital. There had been an accident - drunk driver. I got into my truck and arrived just as the doctor came out to tell me they didn't make it."
Calvin had begun to breathe more shallowly during the speech. He paused for a minute, took and deep breath, and wiped the tears forming in his eyes.
"It was a nightmare, Connor, going into that hospital room to say goodbye, and I just kept wishing I would wake up. It wasn't until I picked up my son and help his broken body that I knew that it was real."
The tears began to form again. "No father should have to bury his child. And now, they are like ghosts haunting me. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to forget them. I just need to move on, but don't know how. I mean, this photographer, she's pretty, and I feel guilty for thinking it - like I'm unfaithful or something. Should I feel that way? Would Mary be upset if she knew? And the woman on the train. I can't see a mother with a child without hurting. I just want the pain to go away."
Calvin wiped his eyes again, feeling the contact move. Luckily, it moved back in place. Calvin wasn't sure if he could deal with revealing his eyes to Connor while he was in this state.
((with Connor))
Edited by Calvin, Jul 9 2014, 11:03 AM.
Calvin answered his question about Sierra, "She does nature shots. Pretty good work from what I've seen."
The question he asked - what brought him to Moscow - was a problem, however. He couldn't tell Connor "Wolves told me to." Calvin himself wondered about his sanity when he thought about it. Perhaps his group at Liberty First was right and he was running away in grief. He hadn't thought so at the time, and Calvin thought he had dealt with it. But Mary and Benji kept coming back like ghosts to haunt him.
Calvin's smile faded as he answered, "To be honest, I'm not sure you'll believe me if I told you, but the short story is there's nothing for me in Wisconsin anymore."
Ayden came back to check and make sure they were doing well. Calvin looked at his beer bottle and drained the last of it.
"Whiskey please..."
Calvin's eyes rested on Connor's glass of water, remembering that Connor had chosen it because of an issue with drinking. This could easily turn into one if Calvin wasn't carful. "Acutally, I'll take a glass of water instead. Thank you Ayden."
Calvin felt he could trust Connor and really needed to get help on this issue. The only question was how to bring it up. Calvin looked at Connor and sighed.
"Sorry man, I'm a little on edge since the train ride."
Ayden came back when Calvin had finished his beer. Connor was still...nursing his water with lemon. Mentally he rolled his eyes. But he knew a few weeks with a completely clear head was important. And to show that he was in control of it. He smiled at Ayden. Whenever she got close to him he just felt happier. Content. He hadn't felt that way in a long while. Seemed like he went out of his way to be unhappy. And then drown himself in alcohol. He looked at Calvin, remembered the look on his face on the metro, and made a decision.
"Yeah, whiskey sounds good. Course I'm mostly rum. But even a whisky will do in a pinch."
He took a breath as if confessing something. "But not too long ago I...suffered some loss. It was overwhelming."
He looked Calvin in the eye. "I, uh. I kinda started going overboard, trying to deal with it."
A chuckle. "Well, more than kinda. I was losing myself to it."
He looked Calvin in the eye, ready to tell him the point. "I wasn't dealing with the issue. I didn't process it. Instead I tried to escape."
He let out a breath. "It wasn't good. So,"
he said, lifting his glass. "Right now, it's water for me. At least for the time being."
Connor's story hit home. Calvin was on a very dangerous road. Connor still had the bruises that spoke of his mistakes. It could have been a lot worse. Calvin thought of the circumstances of his wife and son's death - a drunk driver. Calvin wasn't opposed to drinking, but going to alcohol to cover up your pain wasn't an extremely bad choice.
Connor let slip that he had dealt with loss...well, he had probably done it on purpose. Calvin remembered the hint on the train. Connor was helping Calvin to trust him by sharing a part of his painful past with him. Calvin was ready to share his.
"Are you sure you want to help me with this?"
Calvin asked, meeting Connor's gaze who nodded knowingly.
Calvin pulled his wallet back out. He hadn't closed down the picture, so he slid it across the table towards Connor.
"That's my wife, Mary, and my son Benjamin. We always called him Benji though."
Connor had picked up the wallet and was looking at the picture. "He was four and had just caught a baseball for the first time. I was so proud of him that day, and so was Mary."
A smile came to his face as he remembered which then faded as he continued. "About a week after that picture was taken, I was finishing evening chores when Mary came to tell me that she had forgotten to get something at the store and was heading back into town. Since I was working, she took Benji with her."
He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes as he relived the pain of that night. "I went inside the house to get a drink of water and as I was heading back out, the phone rang. I answered and it was the hospital. There had been an accident - drunk driver. I got into my truck and arrived just as the doctor came out to tell me they didn't make it."
Calvin had begun to breathe more shallowly during the speech. He paused for a minute, took and deep breath, and wiped the tears forming in his eyes.
"It was a nightmare, Connor, going into that hospital room to say goodbye, and I just kept wishing I would wake up. It wasn't until I picked up my son and help his broken body that I knew that it was real."
The tears began to form again. "No father should have to bury his child. And now, they are like ghosts haunting me. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to forget them. I just need to move on, but don't know how. I mean, this photographer, she's pretty, and I feel guilty for thinking it - like I'm unfaithful or something. Should I feel that way? Would Mary be upset if she knew? And the woman on the train. I can't see a mother with a child without hurting. I just want the pain to go away."
Calvin wiped his eyes again, feeling the contact move. Luckily, it moved back in place. Calvin wasn't sure if he could deal with revealing his eyes to Connor while he was in this state.
((with Connor))
Edited by Calvin, Jul 9 2014, 11:03 AM.