01-21-2018, 12:47 AM
Tenzin's responses seemed to push through the avalanche of emotion that she had found herself in, to brush it aside like a curtain with ease. Somehow, Jacinda found the whole thing comforting, to see someone buffeted by the great currents of emotions and treat them as splashes in a pond.
She knew she was no great or deep thinker. She was not intellectual. She knew where her strengths lay, her abilities to get into other minds. To see the shape of things. It was her gift. But that aside, she was at her core a person of pure emotion. She sometimes felt she rode the emotion like a beast, keeping it under control, mostly.
But she knew that if she ever removed the control, delved beneath the surface waters- as for some reason she had today- she would be swept under, carried by an undertoe that took every bit of strength to come up from, if she could. She would need an anchor or a life vest or something to hold on to, to help.
It was why her general attitude was flippant, superficial, a refusal to let anything or anyone in. It was so much easier. And for 25 years it had worked.
Tenzin was a different kind of animal...and yet a kindred. She was unapologetically earthy. Subconsciously, she had picked up on the little things, the growls, the passion, the.....rawness of her. Animal.
And she found it a comfort. She lived in that ocean, dove into its depths, swam and experienced the underworld unafraid. There were no monsters or undercurrents that threatened her. The wildness excited her.
And Jacinda wondered what that was like. And felt envious of her freedom. Her laugh, the way she crinkled her nose, was endearing, reminding her of a pup. "You had good teachers. And they had a good student."
But she knew Tenzin couldn't understand. "Leaving someone in the past is easier said than done. Facing and dealing with inner pain is not something I know how to do."
Still, the girl exuded peace and Jacinda craved it. "But I would like to learn. I want to. "
Her desperation came through in her voice. She wanted the animal, if it brought this. Tenzin.
But Jacinda's heart began to race as she accepted her touch tenderly, felt her hands take hers tenderly. Electricity. Jacinda watched hypnotized as her thumb pad gently traced a circle on her palm, felt a spark and a thrill spike in her stomach and spread out.
The touch and her words- simple because of her limited English- trying to communicate her belief in her, left her speechless. No one had ever believed in her. They respected her because she made it impossible for them to ignore her. She demanded people acknowledge her. Even Regus. She had demanded a position in the archangels and her record forced him. But it had been grudging, a sense of being on probation. She would not be ignored.
Not Tenzin. At least for the moment, she could believe it. She dared not look in Tenzin's eyes, unwilling to see the reality, that she was wrong. For just a moment, she could imagine the connection between them was real. She was seen, known, and wanted. For herself, not as a woman or her body or what she represented.
The live wire connection stopped as she pulled her hands away and Jacinda looked up shocked, tried to hide her disappointment.
She fingered her leather cords, as if looking, seemed to settle on one, untied it and then held it in her hand looking at it, rolling it around as if considering, and then reached for her still outstretched right hand and started tying it. She tried to play it off as something simple and meaningless. But Jacinda had seen the consideration. This meant something.
Nothing could have prepared her for this gift. This girl was sharing something precious to her. She touched it, studied it. A tooth- from a wolf?- rooted in gold, held by a knotted leather cord interspersed with glass beads. It was simple, primitive.
Special. Her eyes rose and met Tenzin's black one with surprise. "You can't. This means something to you. I can't."
She wanted to ask more.
But Tenzin had a question of her, one that sent all refusal out of her mind. She was glad to have it to pick at, now, so she could look at it. Something more to avoid. Except for some reason, she didn't feel like deflecting or hiding. She felt comfortable. It was an admission of guilt. Of murder. And that was ok.
Jacinda looked at Tenzin. Took a breath and plunged into the ocean, feeling tethered. "He's dead. He and I were taken by a nest of rougarou. I was able to escape. But I didn't save him. Maybe I could have. But..."
it felt odd to reveal this about Regan. And yet, walls were down. She could tell her. "There was a girl. Regan said he wanted to save her from her dad. He was done with me. I didn't want that for her. I didn't save Regan in time. On purpose."
She didn't shy away from anything.
And strangely, for the sharing , she felt lighter. Freer. Even if Tenzin disapproved, she could bear it. Trust. And it was her turn. She held the leather band at her wrist with a thumb. She had to know. What was this between them? It couldn't be just her. She hoped. "What is this to you that you give it to me? Why?"
There was only communication now. No inquisition. "Please understand. This means something to me now."
She held it tenderly. She smiled, resisted the urge to reach out again, to feel that connection.She didn't want Tenzin to think she was trying to turn this into something cheap or superficial. Something merely of the moment. She was content in this bonding. It was enough for now.
She knew she was no great or deep thinker. She was not intellectual. She knew where her strengths lay, her abilities to get into other minds. To see the shape of things. It was her gift. But that aside, she was at her core a person of pure emotion. She sometimes felt she rode the emotion like a beast, keeping it under control, mostly.
But she knew that if she ever removed the control, delved beneath the surface waters- as for some reason she had today- she would be swept under, carried by an undertoe that took every bit of strength to come up from, if she could. She would need an anchor or a life vest or something to hold on to, to help.
It was why her general attitude was flippant, superficial, a refusal to let anything or anyone in. It was so much easier. And for 25 years it had worked.
Tenzin was a different kind of animal...and yet a kindred. She was unapologetically earthy. Subconsciously, she had picked up on the little things, the growls, the passion, the.....rawness of her. Animal.
And she found it a comfort. She lived in that ocean, dove into its depths, swam and experienced the underworld unafraid. There were no monsters or undercurrents that threatened her. The wildness excited her.
And Jacinda wondered what that was like. And felt envious of her freedom. Her laugh, the way she crinkled her nose, was endearing, reminding her of a pup. "You had good teachers. And they had a good student."
But she knew Tenzin couldn't understand. "Leaving someone in the past is easier said than done. Facing and dealing with inner pain is not something I know how to do."
Still, the girl exuded peace and Jacinda craved it. "But I would like to learn. I want to. "
Her desperation came through in her voice. She wanted the animal, if it brought this. Tenzin.
But Jacinda's heart began to race as she accepted her touch tenderly, felt her hands take hers tenderly. Electricity. Jacinda watched hypnotized as her thumb pad gently traced a circle on her palm, felt a spark and a thrill spike in her stomach and spread out.
The touch and her words- simple because of her limited English- trying to communicate her belief in her, left her speechless. No one had ever believed in her. They respected her because she made it impossible for them to ignore her. She demanded people acknowledge her. Even Regus. She had demanded a position in the archangels and her record forced him. But it had been grudging, a sense of being on probation. She would not be ignored.
Not Tenzin. At least for the moment, she could believe it. She dared not look in Tenzin's eyes, unwilling to see the reality, that she was wrong. For just a moment, she could imagine the connection between them was real. She was seen, known, and wanted. For herself, not as a woman or her body or what she represented.
The live wire connection stopped as she pulled her hands away and Jacinda looked up shocked, tried to hide her disappointment.
She fingered her leather cords, as if looking, seemed to settle on one, untied it and then held it in her hand looking at it, rolling it around as if considering, and then reached for her still outstretched right hand and started tying it. She tried to play it off as something simple and meaningless. But Jacinda had seen the consideration. This meant something.
Nothing could have prepared her for this gift. This girl was sharing something precious to her. She touched it, studied it. A tooth- from a wolf?- rooted in gold, held by a knotted leather cord interspersed with glass beads. It was simple, primitive.
Special. Her eyes rose and met Tenzin's black one with surprise. "You can't. This means something to you. I can't."
She wanted to ask more.
But Tenzin had a question of her, one that sent all refusal out of her mind. She was glad to have it to pick at, now, so she could look at it. Something more to avoid. Except for some reason, she didn't feel like deflecting or hiding. She felt comfortable. It was an admission of guilt. Of murder. And that was ok.
Jacinda looked at Tenzin. Took a breath and plunged into the ocean, feeling tethered. "He's dead. He and I were taken by a nest of rougarou. I was able to escape. But I didn't save him. Maybe I could have. But..."
it felt odd to reveal this about Regan. And yet, walls were down. She could tell her. "There was a girl. Regan said he wanted to save her from her dad. He was done with me. I didn't want that for her. I didn't save Regan in time. On purpose."
She didn't shy away from anything.
And strangely, for the sharing , she felt lighter. Freer. Even if Tenzin disapproved, she could bear it. Trust. And it was her turn. She held the leather band at her wrist with a thumb. She had to know. What was this between them? It couldn't be just her. She hoped. "What is this to you that you give it to me? Why?"
There was only communication now. No inquisition. "Please understand. This means something to me now."
She held it tenderly. She smiled, resisted the urge to reach out again, to feel that connection.She didn't want Tenzin to think she was trying to turn this into something cheap or superficial. Something merely of the moment. She was content in this bonding. It was enough for now.