01-08-2015, 03:04 PM
The explanation was simple and made sense. The question itself was even simpler, and Calvin found he had no answer for it. Nothing that stuck anyways. If so, then why did he hurt so much. What had caused it. It made him confused, but the emotions were no longer swirling in his head.
"I guess it was that...I should have done something. With my dad - I should have tried to help him, but I didn't."
With the answer in his hand though, the old Calvin began to speak through the mental fog - telling him he did everything he knew he could. Dr. Pirozzi's words really began to sink in. She had been harsh, but truthful.
"I guess...when I think about it...I really did all I knew how to, and there's nothing I could have done to stop the car crash. I didn't hurt my friend either - at least at first - I've really avoided her since that night - thinking that she hates me for it."
Calvin remained silent for awhile. "I guess now the only thing I feel guilty about - at least that I should feel guilty about - is what I've become now. Right now Doctor...i'm only thinking about how ashamed they would be of me."
It was a lie - well - not the complete truth. There was guilt - guilt over losing control. It was why he had wanted to kill that night. It was why he had become a vigilante. He had given into the wolf. The strange thing was that he had felt in control during those times - he was just now seeing how out of control he was. He couldn't tell her - she would think he was crazy.
Christ, she probably already thinks that I'm crazy. he thought, putting his head in his hands as he contemplated telling her, and thinking of how he would say it. He felt guilty about losing control.
Calvin sighed. "I can't believe I'm telling you this - you're going to think I'm nuts."
Calvin pulled out his Wallet and keyed up an article on the Wolfman - the first one - and slid it over the desk. "That's me."
As she looked it over, Calvin pulled out the contacts case and removed his contacts, revealing the golden eyes underneath. He waited for her to look up before speaking. "I can talk to wolves, Doctor. I don't know if you'll believe me or not, but it's true. With it comes a struggle - a struggle for your own humanity. Each time that happened,"
he pointed at the Wallet, "I went through that struggle, and I lost. That, doctor, is another reason why I feel guilty. You're the first person that I've told this who doesn't share my abilities."
He felt the burden lift off of him. He could see clearly. He knew why Dawn Wind had called him a pup so much. He really did know nothing about his abilities or how to handle them. It was the root of the problem. He needed to get this under control.
"That night - the night I started drinking. I lost control. I wanted to kill the man responsible doctor. I'm glad I didn't - so glad I didn't - but the struggle is there. I don't know if you can help me with this. I really don't. I hope you can because I don't want to lose myself. I'm a good man, doctor, deep down I know that. Is there anything you can do? At least with the alcohol problem."
"I guess it was that...I should have done something. With my dad - I should have tried to help him, but I didn't."
With the answer in his hand though, the old Calvin began to speak through the mental fog - telling him he did everything he knew he could. Dr. Pirozzi's words really began to sink in. She had been harsh, but truthful.
"I guess...when I think about it...I really did all I knew how to, and there's nothing I could have done to stop the car crash. I didn't hurt my friend either - at least at first - I've really avoided her since that night - thinking that she hates me for it."
Calvin remained silent for awhile. "I guess now the only thing I feel guilty about - at least that I should feel guilty about - is what I've become now. Right now Doctor...i'm only thinking about how ashamed they would be of me."
It was a lie - well - not the complete truth. There was guilt - guilt over losing control. It was why he had wanted to kill that night. It was why he had become a vigilante. He had given into the wolf. The strange thing was that he had felt in control during those times - he was just now seeing how out of control he was. He couldn't tell her - she would think he was crazy.
Christ, she probably already thinks that I'm crazy. he thought, putting his head in his hands as he contemplated telling her, and thinking of how he would say it. He felt guilty about losing control.
Calvin sighed. "I can't believe I'm telling you this - you're going to think I'm nuts."
Calvin pulled out his Wallet and keyed up an article on the Wolfman - the first one - and slid it over the desk. "That's me."
As she looked it over, Calvin pulled out the contacts case and removed his contacts, revealing the golden eyes underneath. He waited for her to look up before speaking. "I can talk to wolves, Doctor. I don't know if you'll believe me or not, but it's true. With it comes a struggle - a struggle for your own humanity. Each time that happened,"
he pointed at the Wallet, "I went through that struggle, and I lost. That, doctor, is another reason why I feel guilty. You're the first person that I've told this who doesn't share my abilities."
He felt the burden lift off of him. He could see clearly. He knew why Dawn Wind had called him a pup so much. He really did know nothing about his abilities or how to handle them. It was the root of the problem. He needed to get this under control.
"That night - the night I started drinking. I lost control. I wanted to kill the man responsible doctor. I'm glad I didn't - so glad I didn't - but the struggle is there. I don't know if you can help me with this. I really don't. I hope you can because I don't want to lose myself. I'm a good man, doctor, deep down I know that. Is there anything you can do? At least with the alcohol problem."