03-19-2015, 01:50 PM
Emily nodded as they left, bidding Rachel farewell. They walked silently, Emily waiting for Ayden to talk. She knew it was coming. When Ayden put an arm around her shoulder, Emily placed her head on Ayden's, fighting back tears. Emily didn't want to cry. It made the pain feel stronger and right now she wanted to feel numb.
She couldn't though. Not with Ayden there. Ayden wanted her to talk and Emily knew she wouldn't keep silent around her. Ayden had seen through the barrier - she had figured it out within minutes of seeing her, and Ayden would push until Emily gave in.
Ayden said if he had hurt or forced her she would hurt him then turned Emily to face her. Emily couldn't meet Ayden's gaze - the shame was too strong. After Ayden finished, Emily remained silent, not because of not having something to say, but she didn't know where to start. Her mouth moved, trying to find the words to say.
"I...I...He..."
Emily struggled to find words. "He didn't force it...no. He asked if it was okay and I said yes and as things when on, he asked again and I said it was okay."
Emily could feel the tears beginning to build up and she pushed them away. She wasn't going to cry. "I'm not going to lie - I wanted it. I knew that it wasn't going to be more than a night, and I still encouraged and enjoyed it. I...I...He left in the middle of the night."
Emily pulled Ayden in, hugging her. Emily resisted the tears as Ayden wrapped her arms around her, and Emily placed her head on Ayden's shoulder. "It hurt...it still does. I'm not mad at him - I don't know if I can be or should be. I'm mad at myself and ashamed. Then I do stupid things like yell at my sister. She was just trying to help, but I can't tell her this. She looks up to me."
Emily paused, some of the tears escaped. "I'm such a goddam fool. Why did I do it?"
Emily felt the pain in her chest intensify. She hoped that soon the numbness would come.
Edited by Emily Shale, Mar 19 2015, 01:50 PM.
She couldn't though. Not with Ayden there. Ayden wanted her to talk and Emily knew she wouldn't keep silent around her. Ayden had seen through the barrier - she had figured it out within minutes of seeing her, and Ayden would push until Emily gave in.
Ayden said if he had hurt or forced her she would hurt him then turned Emily to face her. Emily couldn't meet Ayden's gaze - the shame was too strong. After Ayden finished, Emily remained silent, not because of not having something to say, but she didn't know where to start. Her mouth moved, trying to find the words to say.
"I...I...He..."
Emily struggled to find words. "He didn't force it...no. He asked if it was okay and I said yes and as things when on, he asked again and I said it was okay."
Emily could feel the tears beginning to build up and she pushed them away. She wasn't going to cry. "I'm not going to lie - I wanted it. I knew that it wasn't going to be more than a night, and I still encouraged and enjoyed it. I...I...He left in the middle of the night."
Emily pulled Ayden in, hugging her. Emily resisted the tears as Ayden wrapped her arms around her, and Emily placed her head on Ayden's shoulder. "It hurt...it still does. I'm not mad at him - I don't know if I can be or should be. I'm mad at myself and ashamed. Then I do stupid things like yell at my sister. She was just trying to help, but I can't tell her this. She looks up to me."
Emily paused, some of the tears escaped. "I'm such a goddam fool. Why did I do it?"
Emily felt the pain in her chest intensify. She hoped that soon the numbness would come.
Edited by Emily Shale, Mar 19 2015, 01:50 PM.