What Comes Before

[Raffe]

“It seemed okay. Li seemed okay. It’d be stupid not to give it a go.” The tension was sitting in his chest again, mostly because he could feel Nox’s frustration as though it radiated off in physical waves. Raffe was helpless to ease it, even knowing exactly what it was he needed to do. The dilemma chased an endless circle. It made him feel useless.

Nox had told him how to seize the power -- they’d pracised for an eternity in his old room at Christian and Ana’s place. But Raffe had never attempted on his own. It was another option, he supposed, if he could bring himself to try it. He only had to touch it once with purpose. Just once. It was the assurance he calmed himself with, even if it wasn’t true.

He was a little quiet, mostly because he didn’t know what to say to soothe Nox’s fears. The terminology of fixing bugged him, though he knew it shouldn’t. Broken things needed fixing. Broken things like little kids whose father never cared enough to claim them. The feeling tightened like sickness in the pit of his stomach, and he felt his thoughts dipping down an avenue he didn’t want to follow.

Maybe he was broken.

His grip on Nox’s hand squeezed like maybe he needed the anchor just then, glad to feel the warmth. He pushed the thoughts away.

“You don’t think they’d just give you a new one? It’s gotta be pretty durable though, right? It’s not like they don’t know how you lost the original.” He grinned, even though he knew the whole horrific story. It was probably the most cutting edge tech the Custody had to offer. He wasn’t surprised it’d take some getting used to though. “You were pretty amazing to watch you know. Almost as good as your Kallisti show.”