Cadence’s house was nice. It wasn’t nearly as big as the other’s in the area. Likely it had belonged to a head waiter or house steward for one of the mansion owners nearby. It was only a two bedroom, which gave Cadence plenty of room for herself. Still it was a nice area of the city. She was pretty sure that one of the mansions nearby was the Shale Estate, but she didn’t know for sure.
Today wasn’t a good day, however. Cadence had bad days still - days where she felt the weight of the world deeply. Nothing in particular seemed to trigger it, it just happened. Logically she knew this was because of her trauma experiences, but at times like these, logic never worked.
Of course, Marlise had insisted she needed today off - as did the others working on her “Embrace You” album. Days off were hard for her. She knew she needed the rest, but the work kept her distracted. On top of all of this was guilt. Guilt that she had things better than so many people. There was no reason for her to be upset.
Cadence’s wallet buzzed and it brought a brief smile to her face. It was Stephanie. Cadence was going to call her later, but hadn’t gotten to the point where she could yet.
”Hi, mom,” she said, sounding tired.
”Hey Cade - how are you doing?” Stephanie’s voice seemed as chipper as always.
”Not so good,” Cadence might pretend things were okay with other people, but she never lied to her moms.
”What’s wrong, honey?”
A sniffle. ”I don’t know.”
”Deep breath - what do you need - you want to talk or do you need space.” the dance was familiar and Stephanie was good at it. They had worked on this with her therapist in high school to help Cadence recognize what she needed in these moments.
”Talk,” Cadence said, keeping the tears in for now.
”Do you have something you want to talk about, or do you want me to lead?” when Cadence asked her to lead, Stephanie continued. ”Okay, you’re not recording today?”
Cadence shook her head. ”Not today or tomorrow. Mars says I need to rest. I’m burning the candle at both ends.”
”Is she right?”
There was a moment of silence before Cadence answered. ”Yes, probably why I’m down today.”
”You always struggled on your days off - especially the first one after a busy week. Have you left the house today?”
”No,” she said, sounded dejected. ”Not sure I can today.”
”Maybe you should try - but if you can’t do that today - you know that’s okay too right?” Stephanie waited for the acknowledgement. ”is there anything else bothering you.”
Cadence waited a moment. ”Feeling a little alone today. It’s so hard I hate that I’m like this… she felt the panic building up.
”Cadence Marie…” her mother said, tone filled with compassion. It was another tool for her. For most, the use of a middle name meant someone was in trouble. In Cadence’s case, it was used as a focus. It brought her focus back to her mother. ”Deep breath. In and out. she allowed her daughter to follow her instructions and calm down. ”I know you struggle with finding friends. Remember your feelings are valid. You’ve made a lot of progress. I know they’re your coworkers - but how about you band members. Would they spend some time with you outside of recording. They know about your anxiety right?”
”Yeah and they’re really nice about it. Maybe I’ll try. I don’t know…”
”it’s up to you honey - whatever you feel comfortable with. Anything else going on?”
It was a gift. And it made the older woman a fantastic mother. Cadence was feeling better, maybe even better enough to leave. Stephanie had a way of getting through to cadenc. So did Renae, but Stephanie was better at it. Cadence smiled. ”Working on a new tour, and it’s going to be spectacular. I’m really excited about it.”
”I saw! ‘Embrace You’ - the title even makes me happy. Make sure to tell us when tickets go on sale.”
”I will! But you don’t need to buy tickets you know.”
”I know - but we can afford them. Give the freebies to someone who can’t.”
Cadence smiled. Her moms were good people. ”Okay. I’m gonna try to go somewhere today. See what i can handle. Tell mom I love her from me?”
”Of course. We’re both very proud of you and love you so much!”
”Love you both too! Bye mom!”
They hung up and Cadence sighed, moving to get her cold weather gear on. If she was going to try going out she needed to do it sooner rather than later. Otherwise she would lose the motivation. She was trying so hard to overcome her struggles and had no idea if it would happen or not.
Today wasn’t a good day, however. Cadence had bad days still - days where she felt the weight of the world deeply. Nothing in particular seemed to trigger it, it just happened. Logically she knew this was because of her trauma experiences, but at times like these, logic never worked.
Of course, Marlise had insisted she needed today off - as did the others working on her “Embrace You” album. Days off were hard for her. She knew she needed the rest, but the work kept her distracted. On top of all of this was guilt. Guilt that she had things better than so many people. There was no reason for her to be upset.
Cadence’s wallet buzzed and it brought a brief smile to her face. It was Stephanie. Cadence was going to call her later, but hadn’t gotten to the point where she could yet.
”Hi, mom,” she said, sounding tired.
”Hey Cade - how are you doing?” Stephanie’s voice seemed as chipper as always.
”Not so good,” Cadence might pretend things were okay with other people, but she never lied to her moms.
”What’s wrong, honey?”
A sniffle. ”I don’t know.”
”Deep breath - what do you need - you want to talk or do you need space.” the dance was familiar and Stephanie was good at it. They had worked on this with her therapist in high school to help Cadence recognize what she needed in these moments.
”Talk,” Cadence said, keeping the tears in for now.
”Do you have something you want to talk about, or do you want me to lead?” when Cadence asked her to lead, Stephanie continued. ”Okay, you’re not recording today?”
Cadence shook her head. ”Not today or tomorrow. Mars says I need to rest. I’m burning the candle at both ends.”
”Is she right?”
There was a moment of silence before Cadence answered. ”Yes, probably why I’m down today.”
”You always struggled on your days off - especially the first one after a busy week. Have you left the house today?”
”No,” she said, sounded dejected. ”Not sure I can today.”
”Maybe you should try - but if you can’t do that today - you know that’s okay too right?” Stephanie waited for the acknowledgement. ”is there anything else bothering you.”
Cadence waited a moment. ”Feeling a little alone today. It’s so hard I hate that I’m like this… she felt the panic building up.
”Cadence Marie…” her mother said, tone filled with compassion. It was another tool for her. For most, the use of a middle name meant someone was in trouble. In Cadence’s case, it was used as a focus. It brought her focus back to her mother. ”Deep breath. In and out. she allowed her daughter to follow her instructions and calm down. ”I know you struggle with finding friends. Remember your feelings are valid. You’ve made a lot of progress. I know they’re your coworkers - but how about you band members. Would they spend some time with you outside of recording. They know about your anxiety right?”
”Yeah and they’re really nice about it. Maybe I’ll try. I don’t know…”
”it’s up to you honey - whatever you feel comfortable with. Anything else going on?”
It was a gift. And it made the older woman a fantastic mother. Cadence was feeling better, maybe even better enough to leave. Stephanie had a way of getting through to cadenc. So did Renae, but Stephanie was better at it. Cadence smiled. ”Working on a new tour, and it’s going to be spectacular. I’m really excited about it.”
”I saw! ‘Embrace You’ - the title even makes me happy. Make sure to tell us when tickets go on sale.”
”I will! But you don’t need to buy tickets you know.”
”I know - but we can afford them. Give the freebies to someone who can’t.”
Cadence smiled. Her moms were good people. ”Okay. I’m gonna try to go somewhere today. See what i can handle. Tell mom I love her from me?”
”Of course. We’re both very proud of you and love you so much!”
”Love you both too! Bye mom!”
They hung up and Cadence sighed, moving to get her cold weather gear on. If she was going to try going out she needed to do it sooner rather than later. Otherwise she would lose the motivation. She was trying so hard to overcome her struggles and had no idea if it would happen or not.
Sometimes - People Are The Monsters