No Giving Up [Shale House]

[Elyse]

Elyse had come to the Shale’s today to be with Rachel. Emily and Jared had both gone to Kallisti to teach their new power trick. As such, Emily had asked Elyse to come and stay with Rachel today. Mara was around, but she wasn’t always reliable since she wasn’t dealing well with the whole situation. Elyse was able to keep herself in a relatively calm stat which was what Rachel needed. 

They were in Rachel’s room. It was where Rachel spent most of her time now if she couldn’t be convinced to go out. That was becoming more difficult to accomplish. Rachel had only left her bed to go to the bathroom, besides that, she had only moved to switch whatever side she was laying down on. Rachel hadn’t wanted to eat, but Elyse had been able to convince her to do so. 

Rachel smelled of fear as she had since the beginning. Occasionally, Elyse would see her twitch or tremble. Living in a state of constant fear wasn’t good for your mental well-being. Fear activated the fight or flight response. At first, Rachel had been fighting pretty hard, but she was beginning to give in to the fear. She was running. 

Elyse got up from the chair in the room and knelt down next to the bed. Rachel stared up at the ceiling. Rachel’s eyes  that gleamed with emerald fire when she was happy, were dull and unfocused. ”Rachel, honey, you should get up. Maybe we can go on a walk or something,” Elyse said. What they did didn’t matter, Rachel just needed to move. 

Rachel didn’t say anything. She had said very little since Elyse had arrived. After a few moments that felt like hours, Rachel shook her head no. Elyse looked down, uncertain of what to do. Some days were harder than others. Today was shaping up to be a difficult one. Elyse just wanted her friend to be better. 

”Would you like me to leave? Tell me what you need, hon,” Elyse was scared to ask it, but decided to. She wouldn’t leave the house, but she would give Rachel space. 

Rachel shook her head again and very quietly said, ”Please stay.”

That at least meant that she still hadn’t completely given up. Elyse got up and sat down on the bed, placing a comforting hand on Rachel’s shoulder. She would be here for her friend.

[Rachel Shale]

Rachel spent most of her time laying in bed. There didn't seem to be much reason to leave, and the world was a scary place - especially since Lucio. Everything she felt always seemed to get wrapped in fear, and the few moments of respite she got were few and far between. Even the guilt she felt because of those trying to help her was surrounded by a fear that they would throw her aside. Rachel didn't even think it would be worth it to leave.

Elyse was with her today. Even after Rachel had said she could be with Elyse, the golden eyed woman remained her friend and a close friend at that. Her and Emily spent the most time with her. Jared would come in too. Mara would as well, but it was hard for her to see Rachel like this. They always tried to get Rachel to do things, and sometimes she gave in - mostly to appease them. They were trying so hard, the least she could do is go on a walk or watch a movie with them.

Today, Rachel found herself lacking the energy to even try. Rachel knew Elyse meant well, but she couldn't today. The fear seemed unusually strong today. She didn't know why. Elyse offered to go, and Rachel thought she should go. She shouldn't have to waste time worrying about Rachel anymore, but Rachel didn't want her to leave. Elyse, the person that she was, didn't. She sat on her bed and placed a warm hand on Rachel's shoulder.

Rachel kept staring at the ceiling, a warm tear beginning to fall down her face. All of them should just go on with their own lives, and leave her her, but she didn't want them to. She was afraid of them leaving, and the fear was becoming incredibly tiring. Rachel felt Elyse shift and was suddenly being held by the other woman. Rachel turned on her side and began to sob into Elyse's shoulder, her hands gripping Elyse's shirt and bunching into fists. Rachel didn't know what to do anymore.

"Elyse..." she said in between sobs, unable to get more out.

"It will be okay. I know it's hard, but we'll get through this," Rachel shook her head, unable to see things getting better. "It will. I won't give up, and I know your family won't either. Trust me, Rachel."

Rachel sniffled and slowly nodded. She couldn't give up even though she wanted to - even though she was so very tired. Sobs began to dissipate, but Rachel didn't open her eyes. Her lids felt so heavy, and her sobs quieted into sleep.

[Elyse]

Elyse just held on as Rachel began to sob and it broke her heart. It just hurt to see Rachel like this. The strange thing was, Elyse hadn't really known her any other way. They had met like this, but Elyse had seen glimpses of Rachel poke through. She was a loving, friendly person. She had seen the pictures of her with genuine smiles. The pain had connected over their shared tragedy. Both had lost their parents and both were struggling over their love lives. Elyse had a feeling that Rachel was taking it much worse. Of course, Rachel had been abused on top of all that.

Rachel eventually cried herself to sleep. Elyse knew she didn't sleep well at night. Whether it was fear of the dark or their usually wasn't someone with her at night, Elyse didn't know, but Rachel was tired all the time - both physically and mentally. Elyse looked at her then. In sleep her face was so peaceful. Elyse lay down with her for about a half hour before she got up to make herself some food. She found Rachel's younger sister, Mara, there.

"I made you a sandwich," Mara said, her voice soft, as she handed it to Elyse. "How is she?"

Elyse accepted the sandwich with gratitude and took a proffered bag of chips to pour some on her plate. "She's really struggling today," Elyse said truthfully as Mara looked down, brow furrowed in concern. Elyse moved over and put a hand on Mara's shoulder. "I know it's hard for you to see her like this and I know you're trying."

Mara didn't respond right away. She sniffled, holding back tears. "I just wish..." Her voice trailed off. She didn't need to finish.

"I know," Elyse said, giving her a quick hug. "It's hard to be patient when someone you care about is hurting. I know it's hard, but seeing you might help."

It wasn't her expression that changed, but Elyse could smell guilt from Mara. Elyse hadn't wanted to cause that, but she knew Mara had been avoiding Rachel. Mara opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. "It's okay to be scared and to be worried. I'm going to eat my lunch in there. Come sit with us. She's asleep right now - very peaceful - and she's usually better after she sleeps. It will be good for her to see you." Elyse gave her an encouraging smile. "I think it will be good for you too."

Mara nodded and Elyse led her back to Rachel's room. Rachel hadn't moved, but her breathing was even and her face was serene. Mara put her plate on the end table and sat on the bed next to her sister, stroking her hair. Mara didn't speak, but the way she moved showed her care and love for her sister. Elyse took a seat in a corner, allowing Mara to have some time with Rachel. Here only as a moral support. She began to think about how far she had come. It wasn't so long ago that she was ready to end everything and now, she was helping other people with their problems. It felt good to help.

[Rachel Shale]

Rachel’s sleep was dreamless and it was a welcome break from the nightmares. Lucio was always in the nightmares. Rachel didn’t know if that was a because he was a sentient or just how her fear and addiction always meant he was on her mind. Rachel wasn’t sure how long she had slept. But when she woke up, she felt a hand stroking her hair. Rachel opened her eyes and turned to lay on her back to see Mara right next to her.

Mara’s face was worried, but she was here. Rachel knew her sister had been upset about her condition. So upset that she had been avoiding seeing her older sister. It had made Rachel sad and a little guilty.

”Hey you,” Mara said, giving a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. She was trying. ”How are you feeling?”

Rachel looked away and saw Elyse in the corner. Elyse gave her a smile too, bright, cheerful, and encourging. Rachel squeezed her eyes shut. The fear had already pounced on her and she didn’t want to cry in front of Mara. She missed Mara and didn’t want her to leave.

But she couldn’t lie. Lying had been part of the problem. Even if she had been trying to fake being okay. ”I’m…scared.”

Rachel once again felt Mara’s hand on her head. ”I know. You’re safe here.”

Rachel didn’t say anything more. She just kept her eyes closed as her body spasmed with quiet sobs. She wished she was brave. Even just a little bit. She wished she hadn’t been so stupid. She wished she hadn’t fucked everything up.

But Mara stayed. She stayed and offered comfort that could barely penetrate the fear. ”You should sleep some more, Rach,” Mara finally said. ”Your body and mind need rest.”

There was some truth to that, but what if the nightmares came. She could take a pill. Those were available, but she used them sparingly. Some part of her knee that taking them all the time would be bad. But maybe this time it would help.

She felt Elyse come to her and opened her eyes. ”She’s right - you should rest.”

Rachel nodded slowly. ”Okay - could I have some meds?”

”When did you have one last?” Mara asked. Rachel saw Elyse texting.

Rachel shrugged. She didn’t know. Everyday just seemed to bleed with the next. ”Emily said it’s been a few days. She can have one.”

Rachel felt the weight of the bed shift as Mara left to get the pill. ”Is everything going to be okay Elyse. I’m so scared.”

Elyse opened a bottle of water for Rachel. ”You’re safe and everything will be okay. We will help you.”

Mara came back with a pill and Rachel sat up to take the medicine. She then lay back down and Mara began to tuck her in. ”sleep and rest.” she said, placing a kiss on Rachel’s forehead. Rachel closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep waiting for the medication to take effect.