What Comes Before

[Raffe]

He looked at the message on the screen between them, though he already knew who it was from on account of the fireworks. He hadn’t much lingered on it at the hospital, but Nox’s reaction later told him that he and Jay had either been something once, or they still were. Raffe wasn’t particularly given to jealousy, and he was inclined to stay friends with his own ex-lovers, so that aspect didn’t bother him. What he wasn’t sure of was whether Nox didn’t trust himself, if he was asking permission, or if the question was in simple courtesy to Raffe’s feelings.

“Why wouldn’t you?” Though his relationship with Nox had delved to unexpected intimacy, Raffe had been wary of putting a label on it. He knew his own feelings, and he would give Nox the space to work out the same. In fact Raffe was likely to let things run their course even if he ended up getting hurt as a result, and he already knew Nox had the ability to do that on account of how the thought of his loss made his chest ache already.

He leaned his arms on the table, quiet a moment. Raffe wasn’t ever likely to be possessive; it wasn’t in his nature. But it was not apathy, nor even insecurity: it was trust. Whatever his faults, Nox proved an astounding capacity for honesty -- it was part of the attraction, how startling it could be in its vulnerability. How often it left Raffe speechless. In Nox’s expression now he saw an uncertainty he was beginning to recognise, and it made him want to lean in and kiss it into reassurance. Which probably wasn’t the right answer right now. Or yet, anyway.

His knee brushed against Nox’s under the table.

“Forget what she said,” he said. And meant it. Not because it wasn’t a possibility, but because he was in this despite it. Nox was worth the risk. “So I guess now is when I ask who Jay exactly is, so you can stop looking so worried about it.”