The Point of No Return

[Natalie Grey]

Nythadri

She watched him from the corner of her eye. He didn’t sound at peace; he sounded like a man finally giving in. After the manner of his brother’s death, the echo of such a sentiment in Jai’s voice shivered her through. His smile was hollow, a poor estimation of the one which always tugged feeling into her chest. This time it plummeted instead with the weight of despair. But it was the tap against his temple which drew her attention. The Black and White Towers were not so closely aligned that the temperament of a man like Jai was common knowledge among the sisters here. Politically shrewd Aes Sedai might know his position in Daryen’s court, but how many would have considered it necessary to infuse that kind of calm into the instruction of an Asha’man? It suggested a personal knowledge she was loath to contemplate, for it might easily take the shape of a betrayal. Could she trust Daryen with that kind of suspicion? Another thing to consider later. 

“Then I will be the sword and shield. I’ll fight for us both.” She said it like a vow; steadfast, offhand, as easy as breathing.

The question he asked seemed plucked like a handful of dust from the void. Sarcasm laced her immediate response, but she didn’t withhold the truth. It was an outcome that laid one more card on top of an already delicately balanced tower of them. No explanation followed as to why she had not chosen to interfere, in part because she was not sure he would even remember this conversation, and in part because she was deliberating on whatever must have pierced the parameters of the compulsion to allow him to ask. He didn’t seem to care about the answer, but some kind of gear had clearly clicked over in his head.

The rest she uttered precisely because she knew he could not respond. A cruel balm to her own regret. She followed him through the gate.

The room was barren, and dark until saidin-fused light illuminated its empty corners. Nythadri’s gaze skimmed the few defining features picked out in the shadows, but mostly she only watched and waited to see what Jai would do next. No surprise fluttered for where she imagined they must be, though she spared a thought for Eleanore’s concern at feeling her suddenly ripped so far away from Tar Valon. For now a breath of calm would have to suffice for reassurance; she was starkly aware of the delicate trust that rested between them, and the ways she continued to test it, but there was nothing she could do about it.

A few nods rippled from the men they passed in the cramped maze of halls beyond, and she realised her presence would probably serve to make Jai’s time here more easily memorable. Whether that would be help or hindrance in the long run she was not sure. She wondered if it had occurred to him that it made her complicit in whatever transpired at his hand tonight. Probably not. And she didn’t voice it; she didn’t want to put the thought into his head.

They travelled downwards. The destination proved innocuous; a simple basement, and the door which presently became Jai’s focus, ordinary and unadorned. When the dismissed Dedicated collapsed Nythadri did not react, bar to meet the entreaty in Jai’s gaze with frowning acknowledgement. She didn’t ask questions; it seemed pointless.

He dragged the desk. Arranged himself with frenetic precision. His continued glances between door and paper made it clear enough what he was doing. The Dedicated hadn’t been a guard; that must be the door itself. Asha’man relied on the One Power for practically everything after all. Nythadri flipped through the pages of the ledger Jai had torn the paper from, scanned the faded ink to discover listings of various valuables. The door would seem to be a vault. But she doubted Jai had been sent here for a simple theft. Two entirely separate tasks would be too much to risk burdening on the mind; they had to be connected to a single objective. Most likely this was the method not the goal. Which accounted for Jai’s thoughtful dedication to planning the entire walk through the White Tower. What he was seeking could be dismissed, at least for now, beyond it being a tool Jai deemed necessary to the task.

Why he felt he needed it was the question.

You clearly don’t think like a darkfriend, Arikan had scathed earlier. Hardly an insult, but he underestimated Nythadri’s capacity for clinical thinking. If a sister wished so vehemently to undermine the peace between Arad Doman and Seanchan that she would incite the toppling of an Amyrlin, then clearly she would wish to finish the job. Larnair was a staunch and strong ally. Better to have both Towers dancing on puppet strings and wading in chaos, especially when the weapon chosen fit both criteria so beautifully well. Light knew the Black Tower had been through enough M’haels in its short history, and one did not have to dig deeply to discover Jai had ample, publicly known reason for retaliation against this one. She hadn’t wanted to consider it possible, but the moment she realised where the gate led she had been sure what he had been tasked to do. Because it was exactly what Nythadri would have done.

She watched Jai work for a moment longer, face utterly inscrutable.

He would clearly be occupied for a while, and time was no friend this night. So why was she lingering? Truthfully she knew the answer to that too. She stood on a precipice. A point from which there would be no easy return.

Any help she solicited from the men here would likely end in Jai’s capture or death, and it wouldn’t solve the Compulsion upon him; denial of which would kill him for sure. Either way the Traitor’s Tree would have another bauble. All of the other options were risks, but it was the biggest one she was carefully considering. Talin had already drawn her into something that might brand her a darkfriend by sheer association. She’d wanted to protect Jai from that, but the currents that pulled them together once were crashing over their heads now. In the storm she was still. Wishing she had learned the lesson an easier way.

Saidar warmed, yet brought surprisingly little solace. Jai did not react. He was hunched and intent, muttering to himself.

The Tower had a Restorer, but Nyrekell was also a Sitter, and Nythadri had little chance of getting anywhere near the Hall. She only had one option who might be able to negotiate the tangles of Compulsion while leaving Jai’s mind intact.

If she could convince him of the need. Light.

“I had a kitten when I was a child. He was a small grey thing, very cute. But I couldn’t leave that damn cat a single moment without it getting into trouble.”

Nythadri glanced at the unconscious Dedicated; hoped the man wouldn’t inconveniently wake anytime soon. Then silver spit the air, once and twice in quick succession. She had to cheat a little to form the gate, not for the first time today. Leaving was harder than she imagined.

“This is going to seem like madness. Let’s be clear that it is. But you’re just going to have to trust me.”

[[continues at Respite & Resolve]]