08-22-2024, 05:32 PM
Nythadri said no more of his family, though the consideration lingered. He felt calm inside, and she wanted to be the steady foundation upon which he could build his strength, but this was the sort of concern she felt conflicted about laying aside. Greater challenges loomed, though – and they were all ones that would not wait. If they stumbled across the Kojimas in the city, it would have to be something they negotiated at the time. She could not spare the thought, no more than she could spare it for the thorn of Oshara’s betrothal to Pathor Winther. At least she would be at Jai’s side for whatever happened.
In their room she reset the protections before letting some of the tension unravel her shoulders, but Jai must have felt her stillness inside – the solid, sharp kind that was the sort of thinking she did between a rock and a hard place. Even Elsae had eased from her thoughts, and really she ought to be considering what in the Light she was going to say to justify ushering an Accepted into such danger as a dreadlord’s attentions. But it was the Tower that cut her deepest: the shape of an accusation her thoughts had already raced towards, no matter how she refrained from naming it plain. The pain in her chest when she considered it spoke truer than any excuse her mind could conjure, for the pieces fit too neatly, even as it made her feel sick to consider. Maybe it was why her ring remained by the basin, and why she still did not retrieve it. Talin’s offer had not been forgotten, either. Because Lythia was the only woman in the Tower Nythadri had truly, unequivocally trusted.
She wouldn’t keep the concern from Jai, and certainly not when it would affect him too – though it would test him to realise from how close the betrayal might have actually come, and she would not soon forget her first witness of his madness. It made her fears difficult to balance. So she was thinking how to say it, realising as she did that she had no way of disguising the rawness of her own pain at the thought, not without shutting him out – something she had no desire or intention to do. And that was as much for her as for him. Could she just be wrong? She still held onto the possibility, yet compulsion left no room for deviation, and Jai had paused of his own volition to ask if she’d moved the money like she’d promised. Whoever set the instruction left room for it, when even his proclivity for counting was smothered.
She was headed towards the desk when his hand caught and tugged hers, loosening her from the mires of her own mind, where little else might have disturbed her for all her snide advice to Arikan about resting. Jai’s share of strength still gently suffused her, and she had no doubt she could spend the entire night in planning and worry, but he eroded the desire to carry that entire weight on her own shoulders. There was no golden sand underfoot, no showy gateway invitation to a moment’s respite, but he was ever the escape that called welcome to her soul. She felt it profoundly when she looked at him, like that second soft kiss in the cradle of the ocean. No more words were spoken, but he’d feel the soft yield of acknowledgement inside. Not that she didn’t test with a tease of resistance, rooting herself long enough to lift his hand between them. Her touch skated across the tender skin of his knuckles like an admonishment, but it was only a kiss she pressed there. A smirk flashed beneath pale eyes; the only comment she would give on his punching Arikan in the face. Then she finally acquiesced to the sense he spoke and didn't allow her shirk, settling into his arms, and allowing herself to rest.
In their room she reset the protections before letting some of the tension unravel her shoulders, but Jai must have felt her stillness inside – the solid, sharp kind that was the sort of thinking she did between a rock and a hard place. Even Elsae had eased from her thoughts, and really she ought to be considering what in the Light she was going to say to justify ushering an Accepted into such danger as a dreadlord’s attentions. But it was the Tower that cut her deepest: the shape of an accusation her thoughts had already raced towards, no matter how she refrained from naming it plain. The pain in her chest when she considered it spoke truer than any excuse her mind could conjure, for the pieces fit too neatly, even as it made her feel sick to consider. Maybe it was why her ring remained by the basin, and why she still did not retrieve it. Talin’s offer had not been forgotten, either. Because Lythia was the only woman in the Tower Nythadri had truly, unequivocally trusted.
She wouldn’t keep the concern from Jai, and certainly not when it would affect him too – though it would test him to realise from how close the betrayal might have actually come, and she would not soon forget her first witness of his madness. It made her fears difficult to balance. So she was thinking how to say it, realising as she did that she had no way of disguising the rawness of her own pain at the thought, not without shutting him out – something she had no desire or intention to do. And that was as much for her as for him. Could she just be wrong? She still held onto the possibility, yet compulsion left no room for deviation, and Jai had paused of his own volition to ask if she’d moved the money like she’d promised. Whoever set the instruction left room for it, when even his proclivity for counting was smothered.
She was headed towards the desk when his hand caught and tugged hers, loosening her from the mires of her own mind, where little else might have disturbed her for all her snide advice to Arikan about resting. Jai’s share of strength still gently suffused her, and she had no doubt she could spend the entire night in planning and worry, but he eroded the desire to carry that entire weight on her own shoulders. There was no golden sand underfoot, no showy gateway invitation to a moment’s respite, but he was ever the escape that called welcome to her soul. She felt it profoundly when she looked at him, like that second soft kiss in the cradle of the ocean. No more words were spoken, but he’d feel the soft yield of acknowledgement inside. Not that she didn’t test with a tease of resistance, rooting herself long enough to lift his hand between them. Her touch skated across the tender skin of his knuckles like an admonishment, but it was only a kiss she pressed there. A smirk flashed beneath pale eyes; the only comment she would give on his punching Arikan in the face. Then she finally acquiesced to the sense he spoke and didn't allow her shirk, settling into his arms, and allowing herself to rest.