12-21-2025, 08:47 PM
Letting them in. That's what she expected. But letting them in meant telling them things that she didn't want to talk about. It would likely lead to an uncomfortable conversation about her addiction and a plea from them for her to get help. The pain was there and the drugs numbed it. That's how she liked it. The pain never left and she knew it was there. She just couldn't feel it. Dealing with it would mean the pain would go away. It would make her father's loss more real. She didn't want to let him go.
Hayden noticed her fear. Perhaps because this was the first time she'd ever really spoken of him in a non-sarcastic way. Hayden had heard the fear in her voice when she talked about it. She didn't respond to the first part. She wasn't sure she wanted to talk about letting them in or not. She wasn't ready to talk about that, so she talked about Nox.
"He has a group of followers who are devoted to him - a lot of them. Fiercely loyal with no strings attached. That doesn't make sense to me. It scares me because..." her voice trailed off. She didn't want to go too in depth with this in saying directly that they way they looked to Nox reminded her of the way the Vasiliev's had looked to Konstantin. The thought made the pain in her chest twinge and she flinched. "Such men don't want me around. They abandon me when I'm not useful to them. I don't fit in anywhere there."
Tatyana shrank into herself, feeling very self-conscious and vulnerable right now. Hayden was probably going to make fun of her now. If it wasn't disdain or disgust, it was making fun. It was the most she had told anyone of her struggles in the past. Tatyana wasn't sure how she felt about that.
Hayden noticed her fear. Perhaps because this was the first time she'd ever really spoken of him in a non-sarcastic way. Hayden had heard the fear in her voice when she talked about it. She didn't respond to the first part. She wasn't sure she wanted to talk about letting them in or not. She wasn't ready to talk about that, so she talked about Nox.
"He has a group of followers who are devoted to him - a lot of them. Fiercely loyal with no strings attached. That doesn't make sense to me. It scares me because..." her voice trailed off. She didn't want to go too in depth with this in saying directly that they way they looked to Nox reminded her of the way the Vasiliev's had looked to Konstantin. The thought made the pain in her chest twinge and she flinched. "Such men don't want me around. They abandon me when I'm not useful to them. I don't fit in anywhere there."
Tatyana shrank into herself, feeling very self-conscious and vulnerable right now. Hayden was probably going to make fun of her now. If it wasn't disdain or disgust, it was making fun. It was the most she had told anyone of her struggles in the past. Tatyana wasn't sure how she felt about that.