10-11-2016, 01:39 PM
Understanding took a while to descend, and every drifting second that it took she thought about erasing the words and starting again. But the heart that beat fiercely now did so in a cage, as self-discipline began to shore up the edges of careless abandon. Longing never ceased its plea, and temptation fingered at its prison bars. It wouldn’t take much to tip the balance over. But, she reminded herself, she had walked away from more difficult things. Her hands drifted behind her back, and she twisted the ring with a slow viciousness apt to gouge its shape in her finger. She forced herself to remember the battles she had endured for its token; the brother she had abandoned once more to bloody murder, the baby she had left motherless, and the woman she had killed to survive. For the Tower. The pain fed her a focus beyond his expression and lingering heat of lust. She needed that distraction.
The cruelty of it made her ache, but she only had herself to blame for rousing sleeping beasts. For recklessly testing her own limits until they no longer held her back from falling. Even as the trickle of seconds passed to minutes, and the warmth of his touch and kiss became a memory, it was still a memory that flushed her skin. She had always missed intimacy; always thought about it in lonely or bored or frustrated moments. But never sought an outlet. Partly it had been loyalty to the man she had loved; then, after that fragile bubble had burst, it had been discipline born of dying memory and lacking opportunity. The Tower had bundled her to the Farm when she’d been most apt for that kind of disgrace, but apparently fires burn deep. She’d never been easy to shape, to tame; maybe one day the Tower would give up trying and she would lose everything anyway. That thought was strangely sobering.
The glow of saidar slowly faded as her pulse gradually descended; the rise and fall of breath measured but not indistinct. If he closed the watery gap between them she could not foresee herself resisting, but her own feet at least were firmly planted, toes digging rivulets into the sand and silt. Anticipating the slow brew of a potentially unpleasant storm.
He was quiet for a long time.
And time she gave him, the infinite picture of patience, watching every struggle of emotion across his face - just as she had in the front hall that same morning, when he’d grappled with forces unseen. He’d been turned away then, obsessively counting tiles, but this time his gaze did not falter from hers despite how distant the man behind it seemed. In the front hall she’d known better than to touch him, but this time she seriously considered it. The burden of consequences shared, light she considered it.
He scrubbed his hair into endearing tufts, backed away. She wondered if she’d pushed him too far; had unknowingly coerced him to jump when he had no notion of the risks, and now he regretted it. Drifts of his conversation with Daryen had reached her ears earlier that day, and she knew why he’d returned to Tar Valon. She had the distinct impression he had been falling ever since. Hearts shattered on such impacts, and sought comfort in the arms of others. Light, she knew that well enough. Denied distraction, she wondered what conflicts replaced the desire. It was a sharp fall; but it could have been sharper still.
After Farune, she had grown to adopt a dismal view of any man’s integrity beyond the enjoyment of banter and flirtation. She liked Jai; so many characteristics already elicited a faint fondness, but it did not mean he received the benefit of doubt. Beneath the honesty of her attractions was a tangle of defensiveness; a wall he would hit if he delved too deep beneath the surface. When he reunited with his senses, she expected at least dismissiveness. Hostility, maybe; distance, certainly. She’d let saidar drift from her grasp, but even without its clarity she could see the way his expression dropped to sheer menace. She observed that without fear. Regret swung a heavy pendulum, but she would accept the reality of his judgement, whatever it revealed itself to be.
Her skin tingled hot then cool when he instead rested his arms about her shoulders, gathering her in. She did not resist. Neither, at first, did she move much at all; unwilling to trust, to submit to the circle of his warmth and jeopardise the fragile walls of control. Then his face pressed against her hair, and she melted into the unexpected affection, releasing a sigh for the tension she had not even noticed burdened her shoulders. She didn’t prod the stir of quiet feeling as she rested against his damp skin, eyes half shut. Rocking gently as a lullaby, sheltered in a protective embrace; his kindness unsteadied her more than his passion - at least she knew what that meant. He pulled away too soon, though only to catch her eye she soon realised; his playful tease was met with a smirk.
“You’re a terrible liar, Jai.”
A hum of laughter joined the jest, as well as the rise of a suggestive brow. She'd been about to scold his apology when he moved in closer, stealing the words before they ever left her lips. She drifted in the moment; the heat of passion replaced by something pleasant. A rush of sweetness, all the more intoxicating for its unpredicted tenderness. Light! He would unravel her at this rate. "You."
Face still so close to his he would taste the breath as it left her lips. "You are going to get me in so much trouble. And I hope you realise I'll pay it back ten-fold."
The cruelty of it made her ache, but she only had herself to blame for rousing sleeping beasts. For recklessly testing her own limits until they no longer held her back from falling. Even as the trickle of seconds passed to minutes, and the warmth of his touch and kiss became a memory, it was still a memory that flushed her skin. She had always missed intimacy; always thought about it in lonely or bored or frustrated moments. But never sought an outlet. Partly it had been loyalty to the man she had loved; then, after that fragile bubble had burst, it had been discipline born of dying memory and lacking opportunity. The Tower had bundled her to the Farm when she’d been most apt for that kind of disgrace, but apparently fires burn deep. She’d never been easy to shape, to tame; maybe one day the Tower would give up trying and she would lose everything anyway. That thought was strangely sobering.
The glow of saidar slowly faded as her pulse gradually descended; the rise and fall of breath measured but not indistinct. If he closed the watery gap between them she could not foresee herself resisting, but her own feet at least were firmly planted, toes digging rivulets into the sand and silt. Anticipating the slow brew of a potentially unpleasant storm.
He was quiet for a long time.
And time she gave him, the infinite picture of patience, watching every struggle of emotion across his face - just as she had in the front hall that same morning, when he’d grappled with forces unseen. He’d been turned away then, obsessively counting tiles, but this time his gaze did not falter from hers despite how distant the man behind it seemed. In the front hall she’d known better than to touch him, but this time she seriously considered it. The burden of consequences shared, light she considered it.
He scrubbed his hair into endearing tufts, backed away. She wondered if she’d pushed him too far; had unknowingly coerced him to jump when he had no notion of the risks, and now he regretted it. Drifts of his conversation with Daryen had reached her ears earlier that day, and she knew why he’d returned to Tar Valon. She had the distinct impression he had been falling ever since. Hearts shattered on such impacts, and sought comfort in the arms of others. Light, she knew that well enough. Denied distraction, she wondered what conflicts replaced the desire. It was a sharp fall; but it could have been sharper still.
After Farune, she had grown to adopt a dismal view of any man’s integrity beyond the enjoyment of banter and flirtation. She liked Jai; so many characteristics already elicited a faint fondness, but it did not mean he received the benefit of doubt. Beneath the honesty of her attractions was a tangle of defensiveness; a wall he would hit if he delved too deep beneath the surface. When he reunited with his senses, she expected at least dismissiveness. Hostility, maybe; distance, certainly. She’d let saidar drift from her grasp, but even without its clarity she could see the way his expression dropped to sheer menace. She observed that without fear. Regret swung a heavy pendulum, but she would accept the reality of his judgement, whatever it revealed itself to be.
Her skin tingled hot then cool when he instead rested his arms about her shoulders, gathering her in. She did not resist. Neither, at first, did she move much at all; unwilling to trust, to submit to the circle of his warmth and jeopardise the fragile walls of control. Then his face pressed against her hair, and she melted into the unexpected affection, releasing a sigh for the tension she had not even noticed burdened her shoulders. She didn’t prod the stir of quiet feeling as she rested against his damp skin, eyes half shut. Rocking gently as a lullaby, sheltered in a protective embrace; his kindness unsteadied her more than his passion - at least she knew what that meant. He pulled away too soon, though only to catch her eye she soon realised; his playful tease was met with a smirk.
“You’re a terrible liar, Jai.”
A hum of laughter joined the jest, as well as the rise of a suggestive brow. She'd been about to scold his apology when he moved in closer, stealing the words before they ever left her lips. She drifted in the moment; the heat of passion replaced by something pleasant. A rush of sweetness, all the more intoxicating for its unpredicted tenderness. Light! He would unravel her at this rate. "You."
Face still so close to his he would taste the breath as it left her lips. "You are going to get me in so much trouble. And I hope you realise I'll pay it back ten-fold."