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Seeking Control
#37
Connor. Calvin knew a Connor - Connor Kent. Connor had helped him come to terms with the loss of his wife and child. The mention of the name cause a reaction of thoughts to happen. He thought of his family, of Mary's body on the hospital table, and holding Benji's broken body. He had said goodbye, but the thoughts came nonetheless. Mostly what came was shame. If they could see him now, Mary would be ashamed of him, and rightly so. The example he would have set for his son would make that a logical reaction on her part. That thought increased the shame and reinforced the idea in his head that he was a bad father.

Giovanni had placed a hand on his shoulder and wanted to help him. Giovanni confused him more. Something had been off about the man when he came in, but after talking with Jensen, his scent was normal. Jensen had done something to stabilize the man. The two men in the room seemed to want to help him.

"I'll be okay...I think."
Calvin said. He began to get his emotions under control - on the outside at least. "You said Connor. I know a Connor. He helped me come to terms with the death of my family. He's a good guy. It made me think of them though, and how ashamed of me they would be of me for the monster I've become."


It was the shame that caused the pain and the desire to drink to return. Calvin took a long drink and drained the glass of lemonade again. This time, the desire didn't go away. He needed something to make the main go away. There was nothing available to him to bury the pain. He changed the subject, maybe doing that would change his focus.

Calvin faced Jensen. "You know what I can do, don't you? I mentioned the wolves earlier, and you didn't think I was crazy. How do you know?"
Reply


Messages In This Thread
[No subject] - by Calvin - 09-08-2014, 09:49 AM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 09-14-2014, 07:59 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 09-14-2014, 08:43 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 09-17-2014, 02:56 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 09-17-2014, 11:03 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 09-18-2014, 07:40 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 09-18-2014, 11:19 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 09-21-2014, 03:59 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 09-21-2014, 04:22 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 09-25-2014, 07:43 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 09-25-2014, 08:47 PM
[No subject] - by Pyotr Grigory - 09-28-2014, 12:59 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 10-05-2014, 07:58 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 10-05-2014, 11:22 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 10-06-2014, 02:55 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 10-06-2014, 03:53 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 10-08-2014, 08:00 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 10-09-2014, 06:53 AM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 10-09-2014, 06:01 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 10-10-2014, 08:36 AM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 10-14-2014, 07:49 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 10-18-2014, 04:21 AM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 10-24-2014, 07:00 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 10-24-2014, 10:41 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 10-29-2014, 09:04 AM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 10-29-2014, 08:16 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 10-29-2014, 10:34 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 10-29-2014, 10:45 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 11-02-2014, 08:24 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 11-02-2014, 09:03 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 11-02-2014, 09:24 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 11-05-2014, 04:20 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 11-06-2014, 09:42 AM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 11-06-2014, 05:27 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 11-07-2014, 09:20 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 11-08-2014, 11:31 AM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 11-08-2014, 11:52 AM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 11-09-2014, 09:56 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 11-10-2014, 01:31 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 11-10-2014, 05:38 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 11-20-2014, 01:01 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 11-20-2014, 04:06 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 11-20-2014, 10:52 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 12-01-2014, 03:51 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 12-03-2014, 02:16 AM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 12-22-2014, 11:58 AM

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