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Seeking Control
#42
Calvin calmed down, breathing heavily and still crying. Giovanni had brought him a glass of water. Calvin nodded in thanks and began to drink. Despite the emotions still swirling in his head, Calvin felt better after the emotional purge. The need to drink was still there, and Calvin began to realize his emotional addiction to the substance - and that he didn't want the addiction anymore. He wanted to be free, but didn't know how.

He needed help - he knew that now. A counselor maybe. Calvin took out his wallet and searched "Free Counseling Services" not caring whether or not Jensen or Giovanni saw it. He likely couldn't afford therapy now. He clicked the first link, saved the number and made a reminder to call it.

His could still the pain getting stronger as he refused to give in to his addiction. His thoughts drifted until in his mind he was standing on a bridge above a river with his father. Calvin's own pain reflected in his father's eyes. He could follow him. He could jump - there was a river in Moscow. He could end the pain forever. He didn't want to though. He pushed the thoughts away and hugged Jensen again, borrowing some more strength. He didn't want to jump. It would be a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Jensen likely didn't know how much he had really helped. He helped reveal some important issues to Calvin and unknowingly had helped Calvin realize how much he needed help. Before releasing the hug he said, "Thank you Jensen, Giovanni."


At the mention of sleep, Calvin yawned. The emotional breakdown had really done a number on him. "Sleep sounds good. It has been a really long day. Goodnight."


Calvin lay down on the couch and almost immediately fell asleep. His sleep was riddled with nightmares. He woke up several times during the night. Finally he entered The Dream instead. Hopefully the nightmares wouldn't bother him there.

Continued in Nightmares


Edited by Calvin, Nov 20 2014, 04:49 PM.
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Messages In This Thread
[No subject] - by Calvin - 09-08-2014, 09:49 AM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 09-14-2014, 07:59 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 09-14-2014, 08:43 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 09-17-2014, 02:56 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 09-17-2014, 11:03 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 09-18-2014, 07:40 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 09-18-2014, 11:19 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 09-21-2014, 03:59 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 09-21-2014, 04:22 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 09-25-2014, 07:43 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 09-25-2014, 08:47 PM
[No subject] - by Pyotr Grigory - 09-28-2014, 12:59 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 10-05-2014, 07:58 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 10-05-2014, 11:22 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 10-06-2014, 02:55 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 10-06-2014, 03:53 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 10-08-2014, 08:00 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 10-09-2014, 06:53 AM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 10-09-2014, 06:01 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 10-10-2014, 08:36 AM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 10-14-2014, 07:49 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 10-18-2014, 04:21 AM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 10-24-2014, 07:00 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 10-24-2014, 10:41 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 10-29-2014, 09:04 AM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 10-29-2014, 08:16 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 10-29-2014, 10:34 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 10-29-2014, 10:45 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 11-02-2014, 08:24 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 11-02-2014, 09:03 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 11-02-2014, 09:24 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 11-05-2014, 04:20 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 11-06-2014, 09:42 AM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 11-06-2014, 05:27 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 11-07-2014, 09:20 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 11-08-2014, 11:31 AM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 11-08-2014, 11:52 AM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 11-09-2014, 09:56 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 11-10-2014, 01:31 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 11-10-2014, 05:38 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 11-20-2014, 01:01 PM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 11-20-2014, 04:06 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 11-20-2014, 10:52 PM
[No subject] - by Jensen James - 12-01-2014, 03:51 PM
[No subject] - by Giovanni Cavelli - 12-03-2014, 02:16 AM
[No subject] - by Calvin - 12-22-2014, 11:58 AM

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