12-02-2014, 05:41 AM
Everything that she'd seen on the video had been less cruel than what Aria's mind came up with. Some of the items she'd remembered seeing used in possible ways. The darkness grew inside. The feelings of fear and loss of hope sank into her mind deeply. Everything was as if she'd gone through the horrible acts. She felt what Mya had felt, the fear and the pain, the worry and the guilt. The need for this man to just kill her. Everything played back in Aria's mind and she woke with a start. Her heart was racing, cuts in the palm of her hand from squeezing her hands so hard. The little half moons stung. Aria was covered in sweat.
The night was still well into it's darkness, it couldn't have been more than an hour since she went to sleep, despite focusing on Lucas Mya's dreams invaded Aria's. She sat up and rubbed Lucas' arm, "Sleep."
She didn't move, didn't get up, just sat up his arm still around her. Though lying down now would prove to be difficult as he curled up around her. Aria smiled, he needed his sleep. He had a rough day too. Aria sat thinking trying to push Mya away.
Aria unfurled from Lucas arms and went into the bathroom shutting the door behind her and took another shower, the filth from that place felt like it was all over her again. The heat seared her skin. She felt almost exactly as she had the day after she had lost her virginity to Dane. The same feeling of self-worth, of hatred. Of loss.
There wasn't much Aria could do for Mya, but Aria would try, however hard it might be but Aria knew one thing was for certain, she couldn't do any of it alone. She smiled at the thought of Lucas. He'd helped her, he didn't have to, but he did. He pulled her through the encounter with her father, even though he hadn't know it at the time. He pulled her through this, without even having to really do anything. She believed him when he told her that she was doing this. It was a hard concept to grasp.
Lucas had his AA meetings, he found his faith in God and he stuck to it. Mass had been one thing. But she knew there was more to it than that. Being Catholic meant many things to her, it was part of her heart and soul. Despite the contradictions in Atharim teachings, Father Dimitri had instilled in her both faiths. She doubted he had the foresight to know she'd need one to beat the other, but maybe he had. Maybe he knew more than she understood. Forgiveness was something God the Father gave us without hesitation as long as we asked for it. Aria had done some horrible things since coming to Moscow. She'd learned things about herself that she could never have lived with. Killing Scott, her first real friend, would have set her soul on fire. It was probably the reason Father Dimitri had lied to her all those years ago. He knew her better than she knew herself.
The fact that she was referring to him as Scott and not the boy who'd left or died meant a great deal to Aria. She'd forgiven herself for the mistake she'd made. It was time to forgive Father Dimitri for his lies and his betrayal. It was time to have God forgive her. It would not make things right, her soul still needed to be cleansed of the things she had done, the things she wanted to do. Aria knew she'd be making these confessions again. Knew that her soul was dark but with the light of her God, and Lucas to guide her maybe she'd find a way out of the hole she'd dug herself into.
Aria wasn't sure how long she was in the shower, it didn't really matter, it hadn't cleaned what was really wrong with her. The clothes she'd been wearing before were clean, she hadn't slept long in them, she pulled them back on and opened the door. Aria heard the front door close. No one was inside except Lucas, Aria looked to her bed and found Mya gone. Aria sighed, so much for helping her. Aria didn't see anything missing other than the clothes she'd given Mya to wear. The disgusting flannel jacket was missing, Aria wondered why she'd taken it instead of Aria's coat, or Lucas' for that matter. But it didn't matter, not really. Mya hadn't wanted her help, or anyone's now it seemed. Such was life. Aria prayed the girl would find someplace safe and away from monsters like the man who had taken her.
Aria turned to see that the door opening had woken Lucas too. She smiled at his sleepy yawn.
"Mya left. The bed is free if you still want some sleep."
Edited by Aria, Dec 2 2014, 05:41 AM.
The night was still well into it's darkness, it couldn't have been more than an hour since she went to sleep, despite focusing on Lucas Mya's dreams invaded Aria's. She sat up and rubbed Lucas' arm, "Sleep."
She didn't move, didn't get up, just sat up his arm still around her. Though lying down now would prove to be difficult as he curled up around her. Aria smiled, he needed his sleep. He had a rough day too. Aria sat thinking trying to push Mya away.
Aria unfurled from Lucas arms and went into the bathroom shutting the door behind her and took another shower, the filth from that place felt like it was all over her again. The heat seared her skin. She felt almost exactly as she had the day after she had lost her virginity to Dane. The same feeling of self-worth, of hatred. Of loss.
There wasn't much Aria could do for Mya, but Aria would try, however hard it might be but Aria knew one thing was for certain, she couldn't do any of it alone. She smiled at the thought of Lucas. He'd helped her, he didn't have to, but he did. He pulled her through the encounter with her father, even though he hadn't know it at the time. He pulled her through this, without even having to really do anything. She believed him when he told her that she was doing this. It was a hard concept to grasp.
Lucas had his AA meetings, he found his faith in God and he stuck to it. Mass had been one thing. But she knew there was more to it than that. Being Catholic meant many things to her, it was part of her heart and soul. Despite the contradictions in Atharim teachings, Father Dimitri had instilled in her both faiths. She doubted he had the foresight to know she'd need one to beat the other, but maybe he had. Maybe he knew more than she understood. Forgiveness was something God the Father gave us without hesitation as long as we asked for it. Aria had done some horrible things since coming to Moscow. She'd learned things about herself that she could never have lived with. Killing Scott, her first real friend, would have set her soul on fire. It was probably the reason Father Dimitri had lied to her all those years ago. He knew her better than she knew herself.
The fact that she was referring to him as Scott and not the boy who'd left or died meant a great deal to Aria. She'd forgiven herself for the mistake she'd made. It was time to forgive Father Dimitri for his lies and his betrayal. It was time to have God forgive her. It would not make things right, her soul still needed to be cleansed of the things she had done, the things she wanted to do. Aria knew she'd be making these confessions again. Knew that her soul was dark but with the light of her God, and Lucas to guide her maybe she'd find a way out of the hole she'd dug herself into.
Aria wasn't sure how long she was in the shower, it didn't really matter, it hadn't cleaned what was really wrong with her. The clothes she'd been wearing before were clean, she hadn't slept long in them, she pulled them back on and opened the door. Aria heard the front door close. No one was inside except Lucas, Aria looked to her bed and found Mya gone. Aria sighed, so much for helping her. Aria didn't see anything missing other than the clothes she'd given Mya to wear. The disgusting flannel jacket was missing, Aria wondered why she'd taken it instead of Aria's coat, or Lucas' for that matter. But it didn't matter, not really. Mya hadn't wanted her help, or anyone's now it seemed. Such was life. Aria prayed the girl would find someplace safe and away from monsters like the man who had taken her.
Aria turned to see that the door opening had woken Lucas too. She smiled at his sleepy yawn.
"Mya left. The bed is free if you still want some sleep."
Edited by Aria, Dec 2 2014, 05:41 AM.