Safe For Now

[Nox]

The moment was tender. And the touch electric. The kiss...

Time slowed to a standstill and Nox wanted nothing more than to stand there kissing Raffe. He wanted to forget what had happened the past few days and just find solace in the man here with him now. But the hunger gnawed at him. The pain in his arm sharpened despite trying to forget. Nox tried not to grit his teeth as the pain grew. He pulled away pressing his forehead against Raffe's and holding the back of his neck. "I want to just forget about everything, but I can't, there are too many reminders." Nox sighed and dropped his hand from behind Raffe's neck and pressed against the bandage on his arm. "Don't we make quite the pair.", Nox grinned.

Nox still pressed his forehead against Raffe's he didn't want to leave the distance despite the pain, he wanted the closeness, needed the closeness. "Do you want to ask those questions I know you've been dying to? I might need to sit down though, I think the morphine they gave me wore off a while ago. But at least the pain reminds me I'm me."

Nox wasn't a dunce, he had noticed Raffe's voice straining, "Or we can kiss more so you can rest your voice." Nox grinned at Raffe.

[Raffe]

Raffe grinned, eyes still closed. Misfits for sure.

“Maybe you should sit anyway. Don’t feel bad. Guys swoon for me all the time, you know. It’s a hazard.” His laughter wheezed as quiet as the whisper of his words. The hand at Nox’s jaw trailed, reluctant to break the spell, but talk of pain pierced his conscience. He did steady Nox by the hips though. Worry pinched his gaze. Nox needed the pain to feel himself? But he still didn’t ask those questions, and much as he was more than content to kiss some more, he really didn’t want Nox to fall either.

He helped him down. Sat close alongside. It felt a little like purgatory, in more ways than one. “You don’t have to deal with them if you don’t want to,” he said softly. The consideration for his voice was appreciated, but it just wasn’t the time for silence. “Sterling’s parents, I mean. I know she’s your cousin and all, but I’m sure I can handle them.” He offered knowing there was little chance Nox would walk away. Even if he could stand up by himself, which was also unlikely. His head hit the wall behind, eyes closed again. He wanted to know, but: “Shit, Nox, I’m afraid to ask.”

[Nox]

Nox couldn't help the happy genuine smile that spread across his lips at Raffe's comment. "Oh duckling, I'll swoon for you anytime." Nox batted his eye lashed even as they parted to move on to the next phase of whatever they were going to do - which turned out to be moving to sit and talk. Sitting was good - but kissing Raffe would have been better.

They sat down against the wall and Nox didn't really say whether or not he was up to dealing with Sterling's parents or not. They'd deal with it when it all came down to it. But he wasn't about to let Raffe take any of the blame from any irate parents. So he supposed he'd already decided he'd be dealing with it. The only problem with the location was that Raffe was too far away. And getting up would be a problem. Though since he'd managed to sit down properly standing up would like be a little easier instead of like earlier. If he could only remember not to try to use his hand. Old habits died hard. "I'll deal with them, but I will definitely need back up."

But it wasn't that that worried him, the fear in Raffe's voice made the whole situation terrifying. What if Raffe said no more because of what he did? What if Carmen decided he was too dangerous to keep around? So many what ifs. Nox closed his eyes too as he leaned his head against the wall as well. "So how about I just talk then and you can ask questions when you need to."

Nox didn't really wait for an affirmative as he began telling Raffe quickly about the monsters he and Aria encountered in the tunnels. How they were unlike anything he'd ever seen. He told Raffe that he found a Vaia Plus employee in a white lab coat in the tunnels carting off a chupacabra in a net and that he was dead now. Nox gave Raffe a little history on chups - the whole parasite thing. He did not tell Raffe about Dane - no one needed to know about him. Nox wished he hadn't liked the man even though he knew he was dangerous. Too many emotions Nox had to stop for a second before he told him about the mission - to find Alistar Pavlo - a missing scientist Dorian killed but his body had been missing. There was the IA guy they found wandering around like the monsters - part of the collective. And then the walking dead scientist which ultimately lead to the end of the story where Nox got bit saving the rookie from an onslaught of monsters. Nova's harrowing rescue of his own self at the cost of his own life.

"Knowing that I was infected with something. They keep coming even after we killed them in the past. They had to spread easily. I made a decision. One that I'm pretty sure saved my life in the way that I'm not a monster - at least not completely." Nox took a big breath and spoke quickly, if he said it fast enough maybe it woudln't be true. "I think I'm still infected. Dorian said that Pavlo could wield the power of the gods when he encountered him before killing him. And that he controlled the hoard. I'm pretty sure I did that earlier."

[Sterling]

Try as she might this was hard. But she did see the light that was just out of sight. No matter how hard she tried to find it it was always at the edge of her vision, like some perfect stealth. But it was warm.

"You have to surrender, Sterling." Juls said with a smile.

That was easier said than done.

"Have you ever done yoga?"

Sterling shook her head. And Juls smiled, "Let's try this." She sat with her legs cross and her hands rested on her knees palms down. "It's all about breath. Close your eyes and breath in slowly. Then exhale slowly, like this. I'll do it with you. Relax your body and mind and just focus on your breathing, and then when you see the light, open yourself like a flower and let the sun shine on you. Embrace it, bask in the warmth. And then you can open your eyes and we'll see what we can do."

Sterling started breathing. This was going to take forever she thought to herself.

[Raffe]

Raffe listened, interjecting on occasion, but mostly absorbing it all quietly, even when Nox took the time to collect himself. It was an otherwordly story, containing more facts about the supernatural than he could truly process so quickly -- beyond the sudden and sharp realisation that Nox’s life was so drastically different from anything he had ever known, even with Kallisti’s small forays into things he had once considered strange. He leaned forward to process, looping his elbows over his knees, brows pressed down.

“I’m sorry about Nova,” he said quietly. His gaze drew in their surroundings blankly. He was trying hard not to think back, but it proved impossible. The stab of tears he had not seen because of the darkness. The bloody gash of the dog’s neck. He scrubbed his own face harshly, and sucked in a breath.

The word infected swam in his brain. He remembered the swaying of those glittering eyes, even though he had been focused on Sterling at the time. He remembered the way they had seemed to listen.

Eventually he leaned back, shoulder pressed to shoulder, painfully aware that Nox might read any number of things into the silence, but too overwhelmed to find words. After his recovery from Kasun’s attack, Raffe had joined the other man in the isolation of his room. And forgiven him. He wasn’t afraid of Nox, even though the rush of his confession suggested there might be good reason. But he was afraid. Of being left behind. Of having no value in Nox’s strange life.

His head rolled, seeking to study the other man’s profile. He didn’t see a monster, just tired lines of worry. Raffe shifted the arm that lay between them, hand palm up in invitation. He could be that lifeline if little else; a raft to humanity. “But you’re in control of them? Not them of you?”

[Nox]

Nox was sorry about Nova too. It was his fault. Though he wouldn't say more than that. He didn't want to make Raffe feel any worse than he already did. His hand laid between then in invitation. There was little hesitation as Nox entwined his fingers in Raffe's. "I don't know. Since waking there has been this hunger. This need that isn't really mine."

Nox didn't look at Raffe but he gave the other man a wry smile. "It's not to say that my desire isn't already there, but with each electric kiss there is always more. Part that isn't me because the logic of it is instinct based. It's a two-fold dark hunger. I had to feed one, so the other didn't overtake me and hurt you. I don't want to hurt you, but this." Nox lifted his hand holding Raffe's and squeezed, "This feels like home, safe and you are safe. But I'm not." He said it out loud. "I need to go see the Ascendancy - tell him what lies beneath the city and that I'm connected somehow. I might not walk away from it, but if I do I'm going to find the man who hunted me today. He's Atharim. And they might be able to help - after I help him any way he might help me."

Nox took a deep breath. "I know my life is crazy. And I know it's a lot to ask, but I hope you don't tell me to fuck off any time soon."

[Raffe]

I don’t know. His heart sank, though he had kind of been expecting the answer. Hunger explained the strange cafe stop, and he slowly considered the implications of the rest. But infections could be cured, right? Raffe was a dreamer. He always had been. He didn’t dwell on how high the mountain might be, he just started climbing.

“You don’t have to worry about me, Nox. I bounce back pretty well, apparently.” He wryly touched the rough edges of his scar, though it wasn’t much of an endorsement. Raffe was a survivor, he’d had to be his whole life, but it wasn’t the same thing as being capable. Not drowning wasn’t a skill, swimming was. Nox already pointed out that Raffe was the sort to jump straight in the river.

“Right,” he said to the plan. They weren’t things he could help with, certainly not in such lofty circles as the Ascendancy, and he carefully sidestepped the thought of Nox not walking away from the encounter. But there were enquiries of his own he could make in the meantime; Oriena had connections, if she hadn’t burned them all to hell by now. If he could even find her to ask. Carmen would know.

He took it well, all things considered. None of the worries had gone, but he breathed a little easier. Maybe the anchor of those laced fingers worked both ways. “So you think the Atharim-” the way he said the word, he still wasn't overly familiar with it; Oriena just called them “snakes” “-might be able to cure you? That guy seemed more the shoot first kind. How the hell will you convince him?” It wasn’t doubt, just curiosity. 

Raffe leaned in a little then. The sincerity of Nox’s plea strengthened his grip, and the warmth travelled up his arm. He whispered into his ear. “You know, I didn’t plan to.” He said it with half a grin, remembering quite vividly how Nox had left him speechless that first day before he went to collect Nova. “Didn’t ever plan to.”

[Nox]

Nox smirked at Raffe's quip about surviving a wolfkin attack. "I'd have kept that from you if I could have. Not that I mind scars or anything, but I have a hero complex." he chuckled at himself mostly. "You might too." Nox poked fun at Raffe's ability to step right in the middle of trouble because he could. He liked that Raffe wanted to protect people, it was part of the draw. But Nox wanted to protect Raffe more.

But even with the joking there was still a down current in all of it. What would happen to him? Ascendancy could kill him. The Atharim could kill him - though that would be a lot harder to do than surviving Ascendancy's wrath. There was nothing he could do against the most powerful man on earth. Even with his own power. But the Atharim hunter - that was different. "I don't know if there is a cure. Maybe? But the Atharim aren't known for their studies. But Aria had notes on monsters someone studied them at some time - maybe there is someone who can help. At least understand if not cure. I'm in control." Nox said it louder than he intended, his hand clasping harder in Raffe's. He was in control He kept telling himself that. "I want to stay that way."

His final words sank in and Nox closed his eyes, his whole body relaxing in relief as he pressed his head against the wall. Nox turned into the whispered words and kissed Raffe. He needed him. Needed to feel more than the pain, more than the hunger in the depths of his mind.

[Sterling]

Yoga and meditation weren't exactly something Sterling had ever done, but as she focused on her breathe she felt the sun on her body. She opened her eyes and the feeling went away.

Sterling growled.

Juls chuckled, "You almost had it." Really?

Sterling started again. Excitement taking hold until Juls reminded her to focus on her breathing. That seemed to work for her. It felt like forever that she sat there waiting, focusing on each breath. In, out, in out. Over and over again until she was nothing but empty except that feeling and then the light that she didn't exactly was shining on her. Embrace the warmth. That was what she'd said. Surrender. Sterling let go, the warmth enveloped her.

The sounds of men talking in the distance came to her ears. The music from one of the other rooms trickled into the room. There was a knock at the door and Sterling almost lost the power but Juls tapped her knee and her eyes popped open. There was a clarity to everything that was new and yet she'd felt it before. A few times before - panic almost until Jules pulled white and yellow and red lights from the air and formed a ball that glowed and hovered above her hand. "The simplest trick I know."

Juls showed her again and Sterling warped the lights she saw and she had her own ball of floating light. She laughed. "Oh my god."

Sterling rose quickly and the orb still stayed, the world stayed bright. It felt wonderful. Powerful, she wanted to draw more. But first she wanted to show Nox. He'd see she was not going to die. She'd done it all by herself - with help of course - but she'd done it. With jubilant glee Sterling ran into the other room where Nox and Raffe were and found them kissing on the floor. "Look Nox what I can do."

A knock on the door interrupted her glee and fear permeated her skin. Her parents were here!

[Raffe]

There were no definites in that great big pile of maybes, but Raffe could live with that. “You’re in control,” he echoed firmly, as if the words themselves might reinforce the certainty. Even the power Nox used sounded like a battle, and if he could conquer that he could conquer this too. He leaned into the kiss, glad to be the distraction and to be distracted. Until an excited voice interrupted. He laughed against Nox’s lips before he pulled back.