Three Words (Nox's Building)

[Elyse]

Elyse was breathing hard, coming down from orgasm.  Sex with Mae was incredible.  Elyse didn't even think Mae was altering her moods any, but her ability to sense how she felt made Mae an amazing lover.  It was part of the reason why Elyse hadn't experiment with other people; Elyse was worried she'd be completely disappointed.

Mae rolled off of Elyse to lie on her back, and Elyse was happy to see she was breathing heavily too. Elyse reached for Mae's hand, interlacing her fingers with Mae's in their post-coital bliss. Elyse took deep breaths to slow her breathing and to still her heavily beating heart. Tonight was different and her heart wasn't just beating fast because of the physical exertion. She was nervous.

The past several days had been a turmoil for Elyse, mostly due to her father and it's aftermath.  Then Marta showed up in a panic attack.  Mae had been a rock for her the whole time, her unique abilities granting her the wisdom into how to best help her girlfriend.  Most of the time, it was Mae simply letting her cry while still being there, or encouraging simple tasks like getting dressed or eating. Mae had even gone with Elyse to get her new tattoo. The ouroboros was gone.

Elyses feelings for Mae had grown quickly, and Elyse had known from the moment that she had almost unconsciously let the words slip as she spoke on the phone with Mae that this wasn't just situational.  Elyse knew Mae would know it too - she'd feel it. But like the days she needed to cry, she wouldn't force it.  She'd allow Elyse to say it in her own time.

Even knowing that Mae knew it, Elyse was still scared.  Saying the words would make her vulnerable, and even though Mae knew and was still here, it didn't mean Mae would return her feelings. It was also the first time she would say it to someone she was romantically involved with. Saying the words would make it real, and internally, Elyse was struggling to say it, but she had to.  She had to be brave.

Elyse turned to face Mae. "Mae," she said, and waited for Mae to face her. "I have to say something and you don't have to feel the same, but I need you to hear this." She emphasized the word hear, a subtle way to show she was aware Mae would know how she felt. "I love you, Mae." Elyse could feel her heart beginning to pound as she waited for Mae's response, seconds feeling like hours.

[Legione Sumus]

Mae Kawata (Mist)

Mae didn't particularly like the bed they shared. It had nothing to do with Elyse or that it was in Nox's creepy house, but more that it was too small. It was a Queen, as were all the beds except Lily's, but it felt too small. Not enough room to romp and play with. Though she made due. Much better than the twin beds that were above Kallisiti anyway -- they'd had their share of romps there over the past few weeks. Nox's old room came in handy.

There was a connection between them and Mae understood that Elyse's feelings were deepening. It made sense and while Mae didn't necessarily return the feelings precisely it was easy enough to mimic them, and she probably was doing that without thinking. Falling too fast was a problem with her ability, they fell and she didn't. It wasn't their fault, but usually when proclamations of love happened they wanted the whole kit and caboodle -- the meeting of her lovers and the potential of joining the group. And... while Mae didn't think this was what Elyse wanted it was a fear. Ahd she declared before the three little words poped out of her mouth that it was alright not to be there too.

Mae didn't really know what to say. Thank you was cliche and rude. She smiled and moved closer to Elyse. "I care deeply for you. Thank you for saying it outloud, and I hope it doesn't change things between us." But it would, it always did.

[Elyse]

For awhile, Elyse was quiet. That was not what she had wanted to hear even if, deep down, she knew that this was going to be the response. She was surprised that her emotions didn’t churn at Mae’s words. So many things could have been brought up. She could have gone into an emotional turmoil, but she didn’t. She still felt - sadness, disappointment, and hurt.

The hurt was the worst. It wasn’t something she couldn’t prepare for. Elyse had said it would be okay if Mae didn’t reciprocate m, and she had meant those words. But Mae’s response - specifically her words about changing things between us and her scent had Elyse worried.

They were in close proximity to each other. Elyse couldn’t help picking up her scent. She smelled worried, concerned, and a little afraid. Elyse had hope. Hope that she could still have this, but she felt the same. Concerned, worried, and afraid that the best thing that had ever happened to her was gone - and it would be her fault. She shouldn’t have allowed this to happen - shouldn’t have allowed her self to fall in love so soon.

Elyse was afraid that she had just given their relationship an expiration date.

Elyse broke the silence after a few moments - she needed to know more. ”What are you thinking?” she needed to hear this, and she knew that whatever Mae said was going to hurt bad.

[Legione Sumus]

Mae Kawata (Mist)

Mae knew that this would be a long conversation and there were a lot of emotions and in order to level the playing field a little she pulled some of her shield around her so she didn't feel everything. Elyse asked what she was thinking.

"You didn't do anything wrong, I just want you to know that. While I can't control your emotions, being what I am does play a role in that." That was the first thing she wanted to say. The rest of it Elyse might not want to hear. "I'm not looking to fall in love. If it happens great. I enjoy our time together. I love having sex with you. I want to be here, right now. And when I'm with you, I'm with you. But if you are looking for forever in me, that might not ever happen. I told you from the start I was in a committed relationship. And while we all have our side affairs, we aren't looking for more forever. I'm not saying it won't happen. Or that it can't. I'm just making you aware, that if you want more than what I can give you right now. That's a very different conversation."

[Elyse]

Elyse listened, noting how calmly Mae spoke. It helped the pain that she had said Elyse had done nothing wrong. It also helped that Mae still wanted to be here. Elyse could feel her fear diminishing, leaving room for more rational thought.

The rest of Mae’s speech was listened to without interruption, and it all made sense. Elyse had wanted to comment on Mae commenting that she had played a role in her feelings, but she remained silent. Mae knew what she could do better than Elyse could.

The speech spelled out a lot, something’s wet thing Elyse knew. Others were things she thought she knew but had misunderstood. Elyse had not known that Mae had not been looking for love, but it made sense. Elyse was surprised that she wasn’t taking this as hard as she had thought.

She sat up as Mae finished, letting go of Mae’s hand not because of what she had said, but because the angle would not be natural. She stayed close to Mae.

”I enjoy our time together and the sex too. I want you to be here too.” it was something they both could agree on, and seemed a good place to start. ”Before we get too deep into this - I want to say something. If things need to end - I want to be able to stay friends - even if that means we need some time apart to heal. I don’t want to fight, Mae. But this needs to be talked about and I want to do it in a way that we both can figure out what needs to happen - for both of us. Can we do that?”

[Legione Sumus]

Mae Kawata (Mist)

"Of course. Whatever you need. I told you where I stand. It's really a matter of how you feel, what you want. We can take time so you can figure out what you want out of us. Or we can talk about it. I don't want to talk you into anything. And you won't talk me into loving you, we both know that's not how it works. I have fun with you. Enjoy being with you. And we can absolutely remain friends. Elyse, no matter what you are family. You work here -- with us. I mean if you can stay friends with the asshole who cheated on you, I'm pretty sure we can stay friends."

[Elyse]

Elyse looked down, thinking. Mae had alleviated a lot of her concerns. Worst case scenario - they were still friends. She had prepared the argument that Mae had used. She had proof she could be friends with an ex. Ex. Elyse hated that word right now. She understood though. It was up to her. It was whatever she wanted.

The problem was that now that she was thinking about it. She didn’t know what she wanted. She didn’t know if she wanted someone forever or not. She didn’t know if she could or could not accept that Mae might not ever return her love. Tears hadn’t come, even though she felt the pressure behind her eyes that usually precluded a cry. Maybe with all that had happened, she had no more tears to shed.

”Im not sure what I want,” Elyse finally said, unsure of how long she had remained silent. ”Maybe I should have thought about that more. I don’t know.” Elyse took Mae’s hand and squeezed it. ”I think, maybe I need to figure that out. And I think to do that, I’m going to need space. I don’t know how long that’s going to take. I hope this doesn’t anger you or hurt you, but I’m incredibly sorry if it does. I hope you understand.”

[Legione Sumus]

Mae Kawata (Mist)

Mae nodded. "That sounds like a good plan. You'll be okay here by yourself with Nox's strays? He should be back soon." Mae leaned across the distance and pressed a kiss to he top of Elyse's head as she got up from the bed. "I'm here if you need to talk more. I'm here for anything. You let me know where we stand when you know."

[[ ooc: Technically Nox should only be gone a total of like 3 days maybe 5 days. And it happened on the day he landed in the US. So you can assume Nox is back if you'd like depending on how many days you want to have dealt with her father and her emotions. ]]

[Elyse]

Elyse nodded. It was the best option right now. She couldn’t make this decision with Mae there, even if Mae was being as impartial as she could be. Her offer to talk was noted, and Elyse would reach out if she needed to.

Elyse stood with Mae and wrapped her in a hug. ”I’ll be okay here. If I need company, I have some people I can reach out to. thank you Mae, for understanding. And for everything.”

Elyse sat back down, allowing Mae to get dressed and leave. Elyse waved as she left and then turned her gaze to a spot on the floor. She stared, feeling empty and drained. She didn’t want to move. She didn’t want to get dressed. She didn’t want to eat or drink. She didn’t even want to find her wallet and ask Anna to keep her company. She didn’t have the energy for any of it.

[Elyse]

Continued here