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As soon as Elyse had heard Mae’s response to her declaration of love, Elyse had known it was over. Deep down she had known it. Elyse was sure Mae knew too. Still she had fought that. Elyse had desired to hang on to the thought she could make this work. It had taken a lot of thought and a talk with Hayden to make her realize what she had to do. Because as much as she loved being with Mae, the thought of the end of their friendship was unbearable, and attempting to hang on to it was nothing but selfishness.
Elyse sat at the counter in the living area. She had to do this, and the sooner she did, the better it would be. She sent Mae a message.
I’m ready to talk. Can we meet soon?
With the text sent, Elyse felt a sense of peace. She was still sad and upset, but now that action was being taken, she knew this was the right choice. Still she braced herself and thought about what she was going to say. Peace with the decision didn’t mean this wouldn’t hurt.
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Elyse didn’t have to wait long for a response, and she sent a message straight away.
Diner in a half hour?
At Mae’s agreement she left the building and headed to the diner. She wanted to be there earlier than Mae if possible. Elyse took the corner booth and got only a water. She wouldn’t be able to keep down food anyway until this was over. Mae had said they could remain friends, but part of Elyse was worried that had changed. That was likely the guilt that still burned in her gut. Elyse took a sip of her water and waited.
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Elyse genuinely returned Mae’s smile. Elyse had a feeling Mae knew how this would end. Elyse was stressed, sad, and anxious. Mae would feel it, so Elyse took this as a sign that Mae was trying to let her know that it was okay. That meant something to Elyse.
”Hi Mae,” her response a little slower as she summoned the courage to speak. Elyse looked Mae in the eye. Elyse owed her that. ”Thanks for coming on such short notice, and thank you for giving me the space I needed to think things through.”
Elyse waited for Mae’s coffee to arrive before sighing and continuing. ”Ive been thinking about it a lot. About what I want. I’m still not sure about that 100%, but I do know that regardless of how I feel about that - a one sided relationship isn’t going to work out. I’ve thought about this every which way, trying to find a way I think I can keep this, but…” Elyse paused, wiping tears from her eyes. ”if we do that - the only thing I see happening, whether it be a month, three months, or a year, is it’s going to end badly because, I’ll grow to resent that you don’t return my feelings. I don’t want it to come to that, so I think the only option I see is that we end things now while we are still friends. That is something I really don’t want to lose.”
Elyse took a deep calming breath. ”Im sorry Mae - sorry for any hurt I have caused you either now or earlier and im sorry for my misunderstandings. I said earlier that I want to stay friends. I really want that. I hope you understand my decision.”
Elyse stopped and wiped her tears before taking a drink of her water. The conversation had hurt, but she had said what she felt she needed to say.
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Elyse’s anxiety went away at her words. There was a thought in the back of her head that Mae was going to storm out. Elyse knew it was an incorrect assumption. It was just the way things had been recently. Her brain had been lying to her.
”That makes me glad,” Elyse said, with a smile. ”I hope someday I find what I’m looking for, but I think I have a lot of self searching to do first.”
The last words surprised Elyse. It suddenly made sense why she had been struggling. It had been right there - she had to figure herself out and that wasn’t a bad thing. She’d get it eventually.
”The past several days have been really rough. Rougher than before. I want to say it’s not your fault - it’s just everything has been hard. It got really dark and I thought really dark things. I asked for help and I’m working on it. Had Adrian take my weapons away. He reported it to Nox and Bruno, and Nox sent a friend to help. It’s getting better, but part of what I’m doing is going to be turning Nox’s building into a home for myself and those kids.” she smiled at Mae. ”If you have any ideas that would help. I want to make it something Nox will like too obviously. If you don’t want to help though, I’d understand.”
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Elyse smiled and ordered a chicken sandwich and fries to eat. It seemed Mae wasn’t feeling awkward enough to leave since she ordered lunch, so Elyse followed her lead. ”That will help. Place needs more color. I don’t want to go overboard but it’s such an impersonal space now. Feels more like an industrial office than a home. I think it will help the kids out too. Might get them involved a little bit. Be good for them to make the space theirs as well.”
