Fake It

[Ashton]

Nox's arm wasn't forceful he just held out his arm to stop him. The man with him left and didn't say a word to him.  Ashton had seen him around the house talking to Nox and the kids. He'd been there that night Jaxen had cornered him too. Though he'd snuck off somewhere before the night got exciting.  He had been there the next morning though.

Nox didn't look right. His fake arm didn't feel the same either. He had gotten a new one and this was the first time he'd put it on it seemed.  Ashton looked at Nox who tried to urge him back into the warmth of Kallisti.

"I can't go back in there right now."

Nox nodded and turned on his heel. "Let's go have a coffee then."

Ashton shrugged and followed Nox through the streets.  Though Nox tried to slow and let him catch up but he always slowed to stay a step behind.

Nox stopped and rolled his eyes. "You aren't my peon or slave or lesser. You either walk with me or we just end this now."

Ashton turned around before Nox grabbed his arm. "Okay. Not the words to use to someone who's gonna take them literally."  He didn't seem angry or sad or happy or concerned. He didn't seem anything.

"Just walk at my side. Please."  Nox added though there was no added warmth. "I need to talk with you and I don't want to do it out in the fucking cold."

Ashton sighed and nodded.  He didn't follow Nox, but the other man lead on in silence. He wasn't happy nor sad or even boastful he'd gotten his way. He just walked in silence.

[Nox]

Nox didn't ask why Ashton couldn't go back inside. Probably had to do with why Elyse lost it again. And Ashton wasn't very good with confrontation to begin with which he made the mistake of adding to with the devil may care attitude he had going on. Caring was going to be difficult. People mattered to Nox and he didn't want to hurt them anymore than already necessary.

He wasn't sorry so he didn't apologize he just asked polietly which seemed to work.

Ashton was happy to walk in silence -- or to afraid to say anything. Not that he could do anything. Well he wasn't completley helpless he could break his neck and kill him still if he really wanted to. It wouldn't be difficult. But there was no reason to, and not something he wanted to do either. He like Ashton. Even after he kidnapped, tortured and fed him to monsters. He was a good kid.

Nox opened the door to the cafe and let Ashton to the counter. "Get whatever you want. Nox didn't say anything to the barrista standing behind the counter she was already busy making his large black coffee. He was a regular here.

Ashton ordered "Just a pepperment hot chocolate." Nox would remember the order for the future. He knew everyone's order at Kallisti and could order a round without missing anyone.

Nox lead Ashton over to a table by the window and unzipped his jacket letting both him and Lily breathe a little. It was hot and stuffy in the big puffy jacket that kept them both warm. Nox warmed his hands on the coffee cup and took a sip before he looked across the table at Ashton.

"So your voice can trigger emotions and commands over a recording?"

[Ashton]

Ashton didn't much like coffee, but he had thought to try some. Though not here. Not when there were so many choices, he'd go with what he liked and it was Christmas time after all.

They sat down near the window and Nox unzipped his coat to reveal the tiny thing that was Lily. Ashton wasn't sure he went anywhere without the little baby strapped to his chest. Maybe that was something he should ask about. Lily was asleep pressed against his chest, she seemed content with him. Like most of the family -- he was comforting and even Ashton thought so -- most of the time. Sometimes he was darn right scary.

The question didn't surprise him, but Nox seemed eager to hear the answer. Though the expression on his face never changed. "Yeah. I set it down away from me and Anna and Elyse were compelled to the sound of the recording."

"Was that your intent?"

Ashton smiled. "Yeah. Why? What did you have in mind?" Ashton wondered if it was the same thing he'd been thinking. The thing that had set Elyse off in the long run had come from his next thought.

[Nox]

Nox gave Ashton a wry smile as he answered the question. "Do you think you could record feelings?" Nox asked. Though he didn't elaborate while Ashton thought on it.

"Probably, like what exactly?"

"Like content and happy, sad, angry, joy, pissed off. Ya know, simple emotions that we all feel everyday."

"Yeah, why though?"

And that was the million dollar question. "It's been a matter of hours and I'm already tired of people asking if I'm okay. They sense something is wrong and they want to fix it. If they see through the mask it's going to drive me down into the rabbit hole I won't be able to dig myself out of. I want you to record basic emotions that I can listen to. To fake the emotion better since I can't apparently do it well enough."

[Ashton]

Ashton blinked at Nox. "You want me to make you feel things? But..."

Nox didn't really smile but he tried to ease the words a little. "I'm asking. You aren't forcing anything on me. That's all I want Ashton. I don't want you to force your family and friends on purpose. Just like I don't want live to hurt anyone, or Elyse, or Marta or even Mara. I just want everyone to make sure their powers are under their control. We don't want accidents. Accidents make it all worse for everyone, not just us."

Nox sighed. "And to be honest I was a bit unfair to you. I know it's hard. My best friend, feels like years ago but wasn't that long ago, she felt everything everyone felt all the time. I get that your ability isn't really under your control. I was angry, but not at you. And I took that anger out on you. I'm sorry."

Ashton blinked again. No one had ever apologized to him before. "You have every right to be angry at me. I kidnapped you with my voice. I put you in a cage. I made you willinging give yourself to us so we could butcher you alive and then heal you so our masters could eat. You have every right to be pissed at me."

Nox put his hand on Ashton's and smiled. It was real, he could see it hitting his eyes, but only for a bare breif second and then it was gone. "You did what you had to survive. I'm not angry at you. I'm not anything right now. But I wasn't ever angry at you. You were as much a victim as I was. Forced to do their bidding or you'd get eaten. That's a pretty big threat to me and I don't blame you. I'm more upset that you feel sad for their loss."

Ashton ducked his head but Nox squeezed his hands and he looked back up. "It's okay. They were your family, for good or evil. I love my father and he was an asshole to me most of my life. But I still love him."

Ashton smiled. "So what emotions do you want?" He changed the subject, there was a tear sliding down his cheek that Nox casually wiped away. Like a lover or a father might do to a child. Ashton wasn't exactly sure which it was for Nox. Maybe none, maybe it was just empathy he was trying to show when he felt nothing at all.

[Nox]

Ashton quickly changed the subject once feelings started flowing, he didn't blame him. Most people didn't like talking about their baggage to strangers. And they were pretty much stranges. Only known each other a handful of weeks. And living together was never easy specially with strangers.

Nox hadn't thought about it when he wiped the tear from his cheek. An automatic motion, flirting. He didn't really know. He wasn't even sure if there was any attraction to anyone at this point. He'd kissed Hayden, but it hadn't been romantic, was a thing to shut him up to redirect his thoughts.

Nox needed that right now. He put his nose down on Lily's head and closed his eyes and then started making notes in his a shared folder. "You can drop them in this folder and cross them off as you go. We can add things as I think of them. The first thing I need is content/happy. Something that says my life is good so people leave me alone. I'd prefer no words so they don't distract if you can do that."

Ashton watched as I tapped out emotions but he didn't really say anything. Nox continued. It wasn't nerves that had him rambling. It was the quiet. His head was too quiet. "I'll pay you." Nox added.

Ashton reached across the table and put his hands on mine and made me look up at him. "You don't have to pay me. It's what family does right?"

"That's my line." I teased, but it came out flat and Ashton grinned at me.

"Hopefully this will help. I'm going to go, if that's okay. Record some things, see if you like them and we'll go from there okay?"

Nox nodded and watched Ashton slide out from the table and drop his empty cup in the garbage bin before heading back the way they'd came.

His head was too quiet. Lily was asleep against his chest and he really didn't know what to do.

Nox stared at his wallet, at all the contacts and one at the top made him sad. A pang of sadness brief but there. He sighed as he tapped on it and saw the last message he'd sent to Raffe was about pizza. The message hadn't even been viewed. It spoke volumes.

Nox tapped out one last message.

I'm back in town for the foreseeable future. I'd like to get my hoodie back. If you are too busy or whatever send it by courier. I'll pay. And BTW, the horde's gone.