What Wouldn't I Give

[Raffe]

Raffe blinked as Dorian pointed out his injury, rubbing his fingers briefly against the scar, and shook his head. Perhaps he would have elaborated, he wasn’t one for secrets, but by then they approached Nox’s room and he caught a first glimpse of within. A few doctors milled about, but Raffe’s attention centered on the ‘not dead’ injury with wide eyes. Surprised horror curdled in his stomach as he realised the extent. “Shit, Nox.” Emotion spread free across his features. There were chairs, but he chose to perch on the bed -- belatedly wondering if the missing limb was even the worst of it. He didn’t want to cause more pain by accidentally crushing broken bones. Too late to consider it though.

“What the hell did that?” His hoarse voice was always quiet, but it was lower now, unsure what the doctors had been told.

[Nox]

Nox couldn't imagine what he might look like outside of the missing arm. But Dorian's dropped jaw and Raffe's emotions told him pretty much he looked like shit. Nox chuckled as Raffe sat down on the edge of the bed. "Oh come on I know it looks bad, but I don't look that bad." He joked as he reached his fingers to rest against Raffe's leg. It was a small comfort.

Dorian went off with the doctors to get their story straight and hopefully fix whatever he could so Nox wouldn't be seeing the inside of a padded cell anytime soon. But he answered Raffe's question with another joke. "I did." Well sorta. It wasn't a lie. Nox sighed, "I truly am lucky to be sitting here alive and well. I saw what happened to people that were bitten by the creature that bit me." Nox raised his missing hand. "Small price to pay to live another day. The one that got me, got a bullet to the brain but there are way too many left like it and their population doesn't seem to be dwindling no matter how often I kill them." That wasn't the only strange thing though. Nox reached for the power again, and again found it covered in sludge and goop enough to make him visibly shudder. But he didn't tell Raffe that as he reached through this time and seized control of the power. It fought harder than usual. I took longer wading through the sludge. But once it was in his hand, it was like putty. Nox used a flow of air to grab a cup of water that was near by. He could have used his hand, but he felt compelled to keep touching Raffe.

"I think Carmen's and the girls are gonna be mad. Not sure how well a one armed dancer is gonna do. " Nox sighed. "Fuck, getting dressed is going to be a challenge. Thank god the power is still with me." Even if it was tainted with something. Nox really wished he trusted the doctors with things. He'd have to tell the Ascendancy or whoever the Ascendancy appointed his direct boss anyway. Maybe they could find someone to trust with it all. It was still his responsibility to keep the human race safe, even if was from themselves.

[Raffe]

His lips twitched a small smile for the humour, relieved to recognise the other man’s usual blase manner. Not that the text had suggested otherwise, but he preferred to see the evidence with his eyes. Heat tingled at the touch, and something softer too, as if the gesture bridged a chasm like a lifeline. He didn’t glance down at that connection, though, lest calling attention to it might draw it away.

Raffe blinked a little at the explanation, but chose not to ask questions. He accepted the reality of Nox’s world with surprising calm, but couldn’t say he truly understood it -- nor sometimes wanted to. A cool shiver touched his spine, acknowledging the shadow of that danger without staring it full in the face. For a moment gratitude and relief urged his hand to shield where Nox’s palm rested on his leg, but he refrained. The pot plant still sat in his lap, supported in his grasp to stop the water spilling. It wasn’t the reason, though.

Contrary to the feeling swirling within (foolish, he knew that), his grin was simply roguish, even as he glanced at the impossibility of a water glass finding wings. Nox’s fears were unfounded, and probably he could come to those conclusions himself if he really thought about it. The proof of Carmen’s stubborn views on family shared the bed with him, but he’d let Nox find those answers himself. “Shame there’s not someone perfectly willing to help just across the hall from you,” he teased instead. "How long do they intend to keep you here?"

[Nox]

Raffe sat perched on the side of the bed holding a plant. He loved his plants, but Nox was pretty sure he hadn't seen this one sitting in the window sill in his room. Nox looked up at the wolfish grin and the tease Raffe had issued making Nox bit his bottom lip and blush all in the same few moments. It's not that he was shy. But the offer while hidden in the quip made a lot of underlying emotions stir, and not just the carnal ones. Raffe felt safe. Maybe it was having an nonjudgmental roof over his head, or just the man himself, but everything about Kallisti felt like home much more so than Dorian's ever did. Nox grinned back at Raffe even though the uncharacteristic blush made he want to look away. "I see. You just want to see my naked. I get it." Nox squeezed Raffe's leg and nodded, "I'll appreciate all the help even if I'm an asshole later about it. It's not easy asking for help." He was serious, he knew himself, and he could feel the shifting of moods.

Nox let out a long sigh, he didn't want to answer Raffe's question, but he did anyway. "Dorian's here to figure out how long I'll be here. No surgery needed to fix the wound I'm told, Ivan did a good job when he hacked it off in the tunnels." Nox said answering Raffe's question and turning his gaze to the bed. "I told him to do it. I didn't want to die like that. I didn't want to be one of them. I didn't want to have Ivan kill me then and there. I probably should have, but I was selfish and wanted to live. I don't know if it'll happen. I could become dangerous."

He lifted his eyes to the plant and grinned. It was a good change of topic, he thought. Nox sighed to himself when he removed his hand from Raffe's leg to point at the plant. "Is that for me? Or are you taking your new friend for a walk?" The loss of contact made Nox feel alone. Lost again, no anchor. Even the voice in his head echoed with loss. He didn't want to lose again.

[Raffe]

Whatever reaction he might have expected, the flush of Nox’s cheeks had not been among the possibilities. Raffe stared a little fascinated at the response, grin undiminished for the accusatory reposte. Certainly no denial followed, just a genuine laugh, warm for the squeeze of his leg. Another warning he wasn’t sure he heeded.

He didn’t know who Ivan was, but he didn’t envy the task described. As indistinct images formed from the words, he shuddered, mirth sinking to something both disturbed and concerned. Nothing held back from the openness of his expression; he wasn’t sure he could conceal himself even if he wished it, and he rarely thought to hide the truth of himself. One of them? He knew too little about the world Nox hinted at. Kallisti might straddle the cusp, welcoming the abnormal -- revelling in it. But there was much he didn’t know. The hint of it now roiled in his stomach, like his relief at Nox’s survival might be revealed premature.

“Like Kasun dangerous?” he asked. No fear marred the question, but no lack of concern either. He’d rather be prepared than ignorant, though it didn’t stop his distracted glance down at the pot in his hands when Nox pointed it out. A frown pursed his lips, but it was really too late to hide it. A crooked smile replaced the consternation of a spoiled surprise, and he shrugged his shoulders boyishly. “She’ll need more than a walk to perk her up,” he said, as though it hadn’t been a joke. “She was going to be a surprise. Once she was feeling better, anyway.” He lifted a finger to brush one of the stubs poking from the still water, then realised it was unlikely Nox had any idea what he was looking at without the bloom. Maybe not even then, if he didn’t know much about plants. This time it was Raffe’s cheeks that begun to heat. “It’s a lotus,” he said quickly. “An Egyptian flower.”

[Nox]

"Probably more dangerous, as I won't be myself. I'd be something different, not something I was born with like Kasun. He can control it, I'd be controlled by something else. Monster's so small you need a microscope to see them." At least that was the theory behind chupas, and these things were so much like them, only more dangerous.

Kasun had been the man who did the damage to Raffe's neck. It was still mildly talked about with the girls, and Nox was glad he hadn't resurface at the club again. Though he did promise to look into him for Raffe. Not that he hadn't tried, he just had no leads. Maybe he should talk to Ivan see if Ivan heard anything. But that was for later. Right now there was a flower that needed tender love and care. Nox smirked, "Are you implying something with the flower - something about rebirth and all that? Or is it because of the skit I put on?" Nox grinned. They hadn't talked about it.

Nox remembered being up on the stage, and knowing Raffe was working and could watch had only made that even more intense for him. "Did you get to see much of it?". The memories rolled in, the music, the dance, the feel of the girls against his skin. Though it had been an Egyptian story of gods, it wasn't the only one Nox had thought about doing while on stage. There were lots of god and goddesses to make fun of from his Atharim teachings. True it was all myths and legends, but it was based on a reality once upon a time. Man as gods, men becoming those gods because of the things he could do. Worship was the failing there. Just because a man could do spectacular things didn't mean he was a god, just that he had a responsibility and those men killed it for all the others. Probably like Ascendancy would do for them in this one. But that wasn't his place to say. He worked for him now, even if it really was doing the same thing he'd always done, just this time in the light of day.

"You can take care of both of us then." Nox nodded towards the flower. "I know I'd like that. And sure she will too. Like all your other green little friends in your window. I don't know how you do it, I'd probably kill them all." Nox frowned bad memories creeping up again. The darkness drifting over his mood.

[Raffe]

It was a frightening prognosis, moreso because there was nothing he could do about it. Nor maybe even the doctors. His brows lowered, but sharing the worry wouldn’t solve anything, or make either of them feel better about the prospect. Raffe roused himself to speak about the lotus instead, not denial so much as distraction. He hadn’t been talking to it, not in that way, but he felt the stirrings anyway -- like he always did with green things. They tuned to him like he were the sun even before the visible effects. He chuckled, unwilling to admit that the plant was half-dead because it was all he could afford to purchase. A few days care had been intended before the giving. “You weren’t supposed to see it like this,” he admitted eventually.

His glance up was almost sidelong, unsure of how to tread. Plants made a home. He knew something of Nox’s insecurities there, like he expected the offer of Kallisti’s haven to be ripped away at any moment, and Raffe wanted him to feel otherwise. The gesture was heartfelt, but he wanted to do it without scaring the man off. His mouth ran dry, hardly helping his already hoarse voice, as he added. “Because of the show, yeah.”

A throat-clear later his grin was back. His fingers drummed lightly against the side of the pot, siphoning out the nervous energy. Perhaps Nox would find it a stupid gift. Raffe didn’t mind being the butt end of a joke, usually, and Nox did claim time after time to be something of an asshole. Still, not much room to backtrack now. “If I say no, do I get a private show?” He laughed, fairly sure he knew the answer to that. Such banter was safer territory, and if there was a glimmer in his eyes then, he didn’t seem in a hurry to share what he’d seen or what he’d thought. The grin didn’t fade either, even as he sensed Nox draw inwards. He felt it draw him too, like moth to flame. “A good job you’ve got me, then.” He laughed, perhaps a touch embarrassed. “Plants stay where you put them. And they don’t argue with what’s best for them. It makes it easy. I’ll teach you.”

[Nox]

Nox grinned at Raffe's explanation for the plant.  "So you bought a plant, I'm not supposed to see or know about until it's better right before coming to see me."  Nox teased.  "Sounds fishy to me."  Nox put his hand back on Raffe's leg and wished he'd sit a little closer so he could touch a little more of him.  "I love it. And I'm glad I've got you to show me how to take care of it.  Hopefully it's a lot easier than taking care of myself."  Nox lifted the missing arm to send the message home with a smirk on his face.  "And even if you said yes, I'd probably still give you a private showing.  Might even be sans paint." Nox sighed.  "Though I don't know how coordinated I'll be with a missing hand."

Nox chuckled softly, "There's also that little offer of helping me into and out of the costume we'd have to consider too.   That someone across the hall and all that."  Nox very much wanted to practice that now, but this was hardly the place.  "Do you want to go for a walk with me.  I'm tired of being cooped up in this bed.  I doubt they'll let me go far still attached to the IV and all but out of bed and down the hall is probably a good start."

[Raffe]

Raffe took the tease in good nature, glad to have bypassed the dip of Nox’s mood, at least for the moment. He chuckled, though it came out more of a wheeze, until he was coughing briefly at the irritation in his throat. One hand gripped the pot to stop the water soaking out onto the sheets, but he was still grinning. Nox might think his home at Kallisti in question because of his injury, but at least it didn’t sound like he was planning to preemptively jump ship. Not that Raffe suspected he had anywhere to go, unless he chose to make amends with Dorian. But it was good to hear he seemed to be envisioning staying.

He leaned across to place the lotus gently on the table, taking care to barely ripple the smooth surface of the water. Nox would have to neglect it pretty badly to make any negative impact with Raffe around; plants tended to respond favourably, unnaturally so really, though Raffe had never seriously questioned the gift. “All in good time,” he said, still grinning. There was no blush this time, but he probably ought not linger too long on the thoughts stirred. Instead he stood and held out his arm, doubtful Nox would need it, but the offer was there all the same. “A walk sounds good. If they do insist on keeping you in, do you need me to fetch Nova? He's somewhere safe, right?”

[Nox]

Every time Raffe laughed or talked it seemed to upset the delicate balance of his injury. It made Nox wince every time he made the man laugh, but there was no way in hell he'd stop trying to charm the man before him. Raffe made him smile, almost too much so and Nox hadn't felt happy in a long time so the smile was good. Raffe was good. But Nox wasn't.

Nox took deep breath took Raffe's arm to get out of bed. He knew if he tried alone he'd probably collapse onto himself trying to use the missing hand. This kept his balance and removed the fear of looking like a fool all the while touching Raffe. Something he'd wanted to do. Of course he could use the power, but that seemed an awful lot like cheating. Other people managed. He'd just have to learn.

Raffe mentioned Nova and Nox sat down on the edge of the bed after having stood up. The pup had been with them when he passed out. Alive and well. Nox shook his head. "Nova was with me when this happened." Nox lifted his arm and missing hand. "I passed out. Nova is probably already outside of Kallisti bothering the patrons outside." Nox hoped. Nova didn't much like captivity and had escaped often but always came back when it was time to sleep. It was like he knew where Nox was. But at least he knew where home was. "I'd appreciate it if you'd look after him if you can find him.. I'm sure he's okay." Nox's voice didn't sound as confident as he thought it should have. He wasn't worried. Nova knew how to fend for himself. And would go home eventually. But it was a little troubling something was nagging at him, and the echos in his head, wanting the three sustainable F's - food, fight, fuck - grew stronger when he thought of Nova. It wasn't words in his head feelings - overwhelming feelings of nothing but those three things.

Nox smiled at Raffe to push back the fear and the thoughts. The pain was part of it too, the pain killer must be wearing off. But Nox stood again taking Raffe's arm and forgetting the IV that was still attached. That wasn't going to work. Fuck! He didn't want to string along the IV like a puppy on a leash with a rope of air, he could. But that wasn't going to get him out of this horrible place. And he felt a draft from the rotating fan and sighed. "Maybe this isn't a good idea." Nox looked back to Raffe with a smile though he felt defeated. The simplest tasks in public were becoming more difficult, and the pain in his arm was bound to increase if he tried to use it to pull the IV along.