Kintsugi

[Ezekiel]

Contrition was met with a grin, which Zeke assumed to be somewhat of a mask. But the speech was telling, full of pain masked in humour. It sharpened Ezekiel’s interest as well as the subtlety of his smile as they walked amongst his people. Here was a man practically begging to be saved, and Zeke was hearkened to the lure of that song, though whether he would offer the tools for salvation or damnation remained to be seen. If the girls were alone when Nox found them it was unlikely anyone was watching over them. But together they paused and spoke to clusters of refugees anyway. The interior of the church was a jumble of blankets, beds, and living space. No one volunteered much. Some just walked away, in fear or anger.

“They will spread the word,” Zeke soothed in a murmur as they moved on. Which was true. The girls were one of their own, even if Nox was not. Should anyone happen to be searching for them, the description Nox provided would reach the right ears. Zeke would make his own enquiries. But in the meantime he considered the heavy weight of guilt Nox burdened himself with. Looking after children was an easy remedy to bolster some self-worth. But the fears of what he might make of them was noted with due interest. He did not think it was what was bothering the other man, though. They paused. A space had opened up around them anyway. People stared but did not choose to come close. “Why have you not been yourself?

[Nox]

Nox noticed that the people offered little. But Ezekiel promised they'd spread the word. His presence only making things worse. Seemed to be the call to his current life. The mask slipped a little as they moved through the crowd. It wasn't their distrust, that he was used to. He was used to being an outsider. It is after all what he was in everything he did in life. The fact that he'd decided to grow roots at all made him a bit distrustful of his own feelings.

The question made Nox laugh out loud, scaring a nearby eavesdropper who thought they were sneaky but weren't really. "You do what I do long enough, and you either become a monster, or you end up dead. Since I'm not dead, you can infer where I'm headed." Nox sighed. He'd have flipped a flame into his palm if he'd been someplace else -- someplace where he hadn't scared a bunch of people by burning them out of their homes. "Twice now, I've chosen my life above the code. I'm not a danger -- at least not while I'm in control. Who the fuck knows what will make me lose it though." It was moments like these when Nox though sometimes it would have been better to not make it out of it alive. "Not looking for pity or sympathy though it sounds like I'm fishing for it. Just stating a fact that fucks up my life more times than I can count."

Nox nodded towards the distance of the crowd. "I can leave if it would make asking around easier. Wait outside."

[Ezekiel]

Zeke watched without really seeming to watch. He did not seem perturbed by the reactions of the people in the church, nor what they might think of Ekeziel himself for the company he was currently keeping. Nox did not seem concerned either, but he noticed all the same, and he appeared to accept the fear as his due. Accustomed, clearly, to being ever the outsider. Zeke grew up on the fringes of society also, but in that isolation he found uniqueness. Ordinary people were inferior; a truth that only became more true when Zeke discovered what he really was.

“Monsters rarely care that they’re monsters,” he observed mildly. “You could let go. See what really happened. But I don’t think you will.”

He made a gesture to the door. “If you prefer.” If Nox found it easier on his conscience, Zeke would not stop him, but he was curious to observe the decision. “Your friend does not seem himself today, either,” he added.

[Nox]

Nox didn't care, and waiting outside would mean missing if the twins or Raffe reappeared. So he remained. He didn't care if they stared, or whispered. Didn't matter, everyone gossiped and it didn't bother him. At least not on the outside.

Nox laughed at the suggestion. "I did let go, had a perfect little plan that fell apart the moment I sedated myself to the point the power was just a memory. It's the reason the girls are currently in my care."

His thoughts drifted to the hazed memories. "I thought I'd caged myself well in corner in the caves where if shit hit the fan Sage might find me easily on a camera but safe enough from prying eyes. Little did I know that two little girls were playing hide and seek and Morgan found her way into a crevice in the corner that I'd taken as part of my prison. If it weren't for her little bunny she'd likely not be here. Without the power, my control over the primal instincts is truly limited. Learned two things. And now I have the trust of one of the twins, the other hates me with a passion."

Nox's gaze drifted off to where the twins had ascounded with his hopeful still boyfriend but that was looking further and further away as the time passed on. "Been through a lot the last few weeks. I hear he was sick and I wasn't there. I told him I broke my promise of fidelity upon my return, then I disappeared into the night to give him space and he took a leave and I've not seen him for a week. To say things are tense well that would be an understatement."

He looked to Zeke and wondered why he'd just said what he did. "I don't know what he's been doing in Paragon. I don't know that he knows that I know he was there. Not sure he wants to talk about it, not sure he wants to talk about anything -- ever." Nox sighed with his own issues creeping in. His insecurities, his talking too much, his anger. It boiled just the other side of his mind. He wanted to be angry. Wanted to blame someone other than himself for the shit that's going on. But he intended to take responsibility for his actions. He chose to let the horde win. It hadn't been a choice, but he hadn't fought back. He was tired. So tired of fighting the horde. He hurt both physically and mentally. His body was prickled with the pain of their deaths, the sadness of throwing one he loved into the fires to feel their writhing dying body as if it were his own. Tears filled his eyes and he wiped at them before they did more than blur his vision.

Nox continued from his momentary lapse. " He looks like shit. He's hiding again and that's my fault." Nox tugged at his collar to hide himself but the hoodie didn't cover much as he pulled it up higher on his shoulder. It wasn't his gesture, but a mimic of something Raffe might do to hide the scar on his neck. "We are at a strange place. The fact he's here should say something, but he's just going through the motions. Can't say I'm doing much more than that. I'd give him the world if I had it. I can't even keep a fucking promise."

[Ezekiel]

Nox spoke too much. He also spoke like he presumed Ezekiel had any idea what he was talking about. But there were hidden diamonds in the dross, sharp and deadly little secrets that might be weapons. Zeke listened quietly, with a gaze that spoke of concern and a willingness to understand. There was a need in Nox as deep as a pit to hell, and the vulnerability shivered Zeke through with interest.

“He wasn’t alone while he was Sick, he was here,” he said. Nox’s fear of his own capabilities bothered him, but his feelings about the absent man in question clearly bothered him more. Nox’s eyes were slick before he wiped at his face. Zeke didn’t say he’d given Raffe the contact for Paragon, mostly because he did not yet know exactly what had happened there, and he preferred to wield the weapon of knowledge. “He was well looked after,” he added, voice soft as a soothe. He wondered if the guilt would needle, or if there would be jealousy, or simply gratitude. Zeke would adjust his intentions accordingly; as ever, the player chose the path of the game.

“I could speak with him if you like. He has friends here; it’s a safe place.” It wasn’t incidental that Zeke chose a church to build the foundations of this refuge, though his moniker had existed long before that. He cast his gaze once more around them, then headed back to the steps outside. A gesture invited Nox to follow. If anyone recognised the girls, Zeke would be told, and he clearly decided to spare Nox the discomfort.

Outside the afternoon was darkening into evening. Zeke sat, pulled a tin from the confines of his dark jacket, and began to roll a cigarette. He offered one out too. From the smell it was purely herbal. He knew Nox fought at Almaz, but Zeke’s work there was a life that didn’t cross over much with this one. Still, he was thinking through quietly the things Nox had said. Thinking too about some of the things Oriena had said about her own peculiar malady these days.

“I have a friend you should meet,” he said. “Another time though, for he does not live here. Why did the bunny save Morgan?”

[Nox]

Nox knew where he was. Sage had been through in his facts. But Nox nodded in thanks. "I knew he was taken care of. It's just another broken promise." The more he talked the more he hated himself and he resigned himself to follow Ezekiel through the church and outside to the steps to sit down for a smoke.

Nox shook his head at the offer. "No thanks.". Smoking had never been a thing, drug or tobacco or anything else. The thought made his blood curdle a little, his lungs would rebel and make a fool if he even tried to make it look cool. Which it was not. "And what would you say? And if he spoke, would you even tell me? You don't know me. For all you know I'm just an asshole who's using your friend, as you say he has friends here." Nox smirked and sat down and stared out into the street. "Raffe has friends here. You specifically, otherwise why come make sure Sage and Cruz hadn't fucked up my chances. He has to have some pull. I thank you for taking care of him. He might need a lot more of that."

Nox couldn't sit still so he stood up and paced back and forth. It was part of nervous habits. Not that he was worried about anything in particular, but sitting still left an itch in his skin he couldn't scratch. And the horde gnawed to be free. Do something it urged, it didn't care what just something, so he walked the edge of a step like a balance beam arms wide stretched. "Last time I met someone's friend they tried to kill me." Nox laughed at the memory of the fucking weapon he'd taken from Aria pointed at him by Yun Kao. "But sure, make the arrangements, Raffe or Sage knows how to get in contact with me." Nox didn't offer his contact information as he continued.

"Morgan's bunny must be infused with anxiety herbs or smelling salts or something. They help her sleep at night, nightmare free. Something I can totally get behind. She hit me in the face with it and something in there calmed the horde. Not like a sedation, more like it didn't want to be around it. Freed my mind enough I could wrestle back control without the power to hold it back. It's not perfect. The right trigger could set me off. I imagine it's something Raffe grows in his bedroom window cill, it's always felt safer, calmer in there. Even before we were more than friends."

Nox sighed. "I talk too much. Normally I'd say that with a bit more flirting since the only two people I talk to I'd flirt with." He missed Thalia wished she wasn't off on her own adventures so he'd have someplace else to escape to where someone wouldn't have to choose a side. Nox looked back towards the cavernous doors and the escaped twins. "I should probably go rescue Raffe from his abduction." He grinned as he pulled the landwarriors out from his hoodie pocket and slipped them on and started up the mapping software. There was a route here, otherwise the girls wouldn't have fled off into the depths of the church to find their exit.

[Ezekiel]

There were a lot of assumptions made; it seemed Nox was Cruz’s friend after all. Zeke reclined back on the step, and pressed the cigarette to his lips. “An asshole who came here to look out for the welfare of two small children, yes,” he agreed. A smile flickered as he breathed out the smoke. Good man or bad man; it made no difference. Zeke cared only for the internal conflict. He always had an agenda, but that was not necessarily a bad thing for those around him, for he played angel as much as he played devil. Upon which side he would ultimately apply the pressure now remained to be seen. There were no coins to make the arbitrary distinction this time.

“If you are not sure he will talk to you, who else will he talk to? Raffe knows lots of people, and he has lots of friends, but he is always the one in whom others confide.” After a moment he shrugged. “I’m not offering services as an intermediary, Nox. I’m saying I will check on him.”

He watched the restlessness, then ultimately looked past to the grounds beyond. “Perhaps you need better friends then.” He laughed, not unkindly. Hunger tightened in his gut for what was said about the bunny though. Triggers worked both ways after all, and what could be soothed could also be inflamed. Considerations for later though. He inclined his head in acknowledgement of Nox’s intention to depart. Blew another cloud of fragrant smoke. “Medicinal accoutrements are something of a hobby, should you ever find a need.”

[Nox]

Nox couldn't help but genuinely laugh at the quip. "Still an asshole." He had told Raffe that upon meeting him the first time knowing that he'd been smitten with Raffe from the start.

He nodded at the friendship. "Wouldn't be a very good friend if you didn't. I'm glad he has lots of friends." Nox wanted to say more. His need to talk still weighing heavy on his soul. He felt lost and talking helped. Even if only just to get his thoughts all out in a jumble.

"Again, thanks for looking after him. Not that you need it for anything, but..." Nox waved his hand like he had something else but could find the words. It was a sentiment he didn't have really. "Unless you have objections to me taking the girls to Kallisti where they'll have a roof over their head, 3 square meals a day and I'll keep them safe. Until I can find something better. That's where I'll be should someone be looking for them."

The software was fully loaded and the tunnel maps were slowly rendering in his vision. He smiled at Ezekiel. "I don't have anything to give the people here, other than my time and my so-called gift, but I'd like to help if you have need of it. Unlike Sage, my offer comes without strings. Raffe's family is my family and I know this is as close as he gets to it. I displaced them to save them, and I know they won't understand what I did. And the whispers are wrong, I wasn't there under Ascendancy's order, nor was it his order that set their homes a flame. It was mine. It was my hunt. My charge to keep the large world safe. But I'd like to make amends in whatever way you or they see fit."

[Ezekiel]

He thought Nox might want to say more amidst the rambling, but didn’t push. There was plenty of time to win confidences if it was what Zeke decided he wanted. Honestly he didn’t much care what the man did or didn’t do with the girls, but he nodded his permission. Orphans weren’t uncommon even before the tunnel exodus, and he didn’t think it likely anyone was missing them.

The smile was met with warmth. “There are always things to do around here, and the help is welcome,” he said. He read a deep rooted need in the request, and it would be easy to use. Links to the Ascendancy weren’t ignored either. He took another drag, watching as the man prepared to leave.

“The door is always open here, Nox. For anyone that needs it.”

[Nox]

Nox smiled. "Thanks. Might take you up on that offer. And seriously thank you, and if I can help just let me know." He said as he drifted out to the street and around the corner. He expected Ezekiel might wonder why he didn't go back inside. But then again he probably knew the place better. There was a tunnel entrance close by and Nox wasn't going to crawl through openings if he didn't have to. He'd find the girls.

It wasn't hard, he knew where they'd go. They probably had several stashes and probably were hiding their new found treasures. The down trodden always thought the other shoe was going to drop. Nox would be happy to disappoint them.

The cameras spotted the flight of Makenzie fleeing down the tunnel towards their little camp site in tent city. He'd been right. And he walked, didn't rush but wasn't slow either. Not that he worried for Raffe with the girls, he didn't want to lose them to the vastness that was the tunnels. Even with his maps and cameras it was still a daunting place to be.

Nox found the Makenzie hiding in the makeshift stone structure he'd built for them in tent city. Morgan was chattering at Raffe and showing her all the pretty rocks she collected. "And this one was made with fire. I don't expect it's a rock at all. Probably just melted stuff, but it's pretty don't ya think?" She held it out for Raffe to see. She looked past her new found friend and saw me. "See Kenz. I told you he'd find us."

Makenzie shouted. "Why can't you just go away?"

Nox chuckled. "Because you are like ten and I feel responsible for you. And you remind me of me and my sister. The four of us need a family. And there is no reason we can't make one together. Look out for each other, take care of each other. All the things blood is supposed to do but doesn't always get that chance or doesn't want to. We get to make our own family. People we can trust."

Makenzie growled. "You killed my parents!"

"There are a great many things in my life I regret." Nox looked at Raffe and hoped he knew the words were also meant for him. "I'd take them back if I could, but I can't. I can only try to do better than I did the moment before." Nox sat down not far from there little gathering and put his hands in his lap . "I could have done things differently then. I can only learn from my mistakes. I'm sorry. For whatever that is worth."

Makenzie glared at him through the opening in the stone structure. Morgan tried to ignore us. She was torn, Nox could see it in her eyes. Morgan kept handing Raffe stones while Makenzie made up her mind.

[[ooc: Their in the church is small, Raffe would have to crouch but not uncomfortably so and Morgan would have been chatting and telling Raffe stories on their walk to tent city]]