Averting Disaster

[Marta]

Marta went with Jackson upstairs hand in hand. His reassuring squeeze was appreciated even if it was unnecessary. She knew she hadn’t done anything to necessitate it. Jackson went to one side of Nox and Marta went to the other, putting Nox between them. Marta didn’t even look at the strange things that Sky was projecting. Marta knew Nox wasn’t okay. She had an idea why - his power was gone. Splash sat down on the floor next to Marta, and she patted the wolf with one hand and placed the other in Nox’s shoulder reassuringly as Jackson asked if he was okay.

Marta looked at him, holding Lily there. She was adorable, and it proved that Nox truly had a heart. The thing with people who had hearts - they were the ones who could truly feel the pain of loss, and they were usually the ones who didn’t deserve it. Marta knew Nox was a powerful and dangerous man. He had probably done bad things, but he had ultimately just tried to protect others. This house full of kids was a part of it. He knew someone he was helping Elyse too - and apparently they had some sort of romantic history too. Even she had been accepted into his ever growing family. She didn’t know why, but she appreciated it all the same. The biggest thing was - he didn’t deserve to feel the way he did. He deserved to be happy.

”We’re here for you,” she said in support of Jackson’s question, and if that’s all she could do for this man - well - that’s what she would do.

[Nox]

Jackson and Marta both sat down next to him and tried to comfort him. Though Nox wasn't sure there was any comfort in anything. He prided himself on knowing his emotions, his faults and his outlook on life. Depression was a thing he'd dealt with his whole life. The anxiety of never performing to what his father wanted. Never being enough for him. The two things never playing well and he'd found purpose in life -- even if the Atharim path had turned against him since he was what he was. Which he was no longer.

There should be more sadness. Anger. There should be something more. Numb was a new feeling. Lily's cooing in his lap should bring a smile to his face. And he remembered the feelings of love and joy she brought but it was just not there. He knew he'd been silent for a while and Jackson started to fidget in concern. "I'll be okay. It's just a new thing to deal with."

Nox glanced over at Marta. "Hayden tells me you'd like to learn some meditative techniques. There are things I do when I'm in the middle of an attack and things I do to prevent it."

[Marta]

Marta knew that Nox was lying. He wouldn't be okay. It was more of a hunch than anything else, but she felt it. He was going to be sad for a long time. More than anything, she wanted to fix it and make everything better. She looked at Jackson, fidgeting with concern, her own eyes showing that she was also concerned for their friend. Marta wanted to keep an eye on him, and if things got worse - well - she'd tell an adult - Elyse or Hayden or both.

Marta gave Nox's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Yeah - he thought that might be good because of some of my fears," she said, keeping it fairly vague. She wasn't sure she was ready for Jackson to know what she was scared of. She didn't want to scare him with that. "I have panic attacks sometimes from my trauma, even if they are becoming less frequent and intense. I've found good friends." She said it to remind Nox that he had good friends too - even if quite a few of them were kids - a subtle reminder that he wasn't alone. "Maybe you could show us some," she said, looking at Jackson. "If Jackson wants to learn too."

The distraction might help and the mediation might calm Nox down more. Also, Marta was beginning to learn that helping people helped with her own problems. This might be the best thing for him right now.

[Nox]

Nox smiled though it didn't quite reach his eyes. And while he understood that Marta had gone through something, he wasn't sure what it was and he didn't want to ask. It didn't matter what it was. It was done. And over. And everyone in the house had gone through something traumatic in their lives. It was partially why he'd taken them in. Of the people here only Elyse lived a mostly normal life in comparison, it was only now becoming a mess -- since knowing him. Though her life was even less normal than most peoples too. Normal was relative he supposed.

Lily squirmed in his lap and there was a genuine smile as she smiled at him. It was one of the moments he felt. Hard to find amongst the numbness but there was just a bit of something.

"When I'm in the middle of what Hayden likes to call a meltdown. When shit gets too real, my mom taught me to use my senses to find grounding in the world. 5 things I can see. 4 things I can hear. 3 things I can touch, 2 things I can smell and 1 thing I can taste. While breathing, which I'm sure you already have a technique for. It helps ground you in the moment and get you out of your head."

A small smile played across his lips as he added "And I can show you a simple relaxing yoga routine you can do in the morning and before bed that I do even when I only have a few minutes. I usually do a lot more in the morning and before bed. But right now." Nox looked up at the images staring back at him. "My brain is a bit too preoccupied to be of much use."

[Marta]

Marta had noticed the smile. Lily had made him smile. That was a good sign, Marta thought. Even if the other smiles were fake, that one had been real. If he could really smile that meant that he could bounce back from this. Still Marta worried. Her heart broke to see him like this. She hadn’t really met him in Mexico - hadn’t known who he was, but she had heard so much about him in the last few days, and this wasn’t what she had heard about him. She even had a drawing of him in her folder - a four block comic that she had drawn for her assignment for Hayden. It wouldn’t leave her folder and she’d redo it. It wasn’t that it was bad or mean, but it didn’t seem appropriate now.

Marta could try the grounding, but she also knew when she was having panic attacks the world around her disappeared quickly. She often didn’t know where she was or what was going on. Splash could usually get her out. If not - Ricky, Elyse, or Sterling could. She should probably teach more people about that, but even now, alert as she was, she had trouble doing it. She didn’t really need it at least, but this wasn’t one of the few times she had felt hurt because someone else did.

Splash responded to her as she always did. Marta felt the wolf force her head underneath Marta’s hand and Marta began to pat. What surprised her though was when Splash moved and lay down in front of her and placing a head on Nox’s knee. Marta had been getting better at only sending messages when she wanted to, but at times, she still sent them without thinking. Splash usually reminded her about that not, but she was oddly quiet this time, perhaps sensing that this was what Marta needed. She wanted to cry, but held back tears, trying to be strong for him, but she couldn’t. She was too worried. She gave him a hug as tears started.

[Nox]

Marta started to cry as her pet wolf put her head on his knee. It was a sweet gesture and Jackson was moving around him to sit next to Marta as Nox tugged the young girl into a side hug, his good arm wrapped around her while the other helped steady the baby still cooing in his lap. "Sweetheart, don't worry about me. I promise you I'm fine. I know you can smell the difference. And I know you don't know me at all. But please don't worry about me."

Nox leaned his head against hers and hugged tightly. "I promise nothing bad will happen to me. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I wouldn't be my father. I would never take the easy way out. I feel like that often, so this is nothing new for me. I will find a way through this." He tapped Lily on the nose and the baby giggled and flailed for his finger which he gave to her though he didn't enclose any of the mechanical ones around her. There was still lingering fear of hurting her. He hadn't even tested the arm and the mechanics of it yet. But he didn't have the power to help him.

A text came in and Nox answered it with the warrior lens he put in every morning. With out the arm it had made sense, now it probably made even more sense. He always had an ear bud in, the lenses might as well become part of his regular gear now too. Ashton was testing a theory with Anna and Elyse. A theory that might work here. Maybe his song could help him fake it even more than usual.

[Marta]

Marta was thirteen. Thirteen year olds didn’t cry like this - not for someone who they barely knew. That’s what Marta’s mind tried to tell her. She shouldn’t be crying for this. But she really didn’t care. It hurt her that he hurt, and she wanted to do something to make it stop hurting him so bad. Marta felt Jackson move to her side and she appreciated that. Her hand sought his and found it, giving it a squeeze of appreciation.

Marta listened to Nox’s words as the tears fell. His reassurance that he would be okay. His scent told her otherwise and she fought with that. He said he wouldn’t take the easy way out. Marta knew what that meant and she was glad he wasn’t going to do that, but the fact that he mentioned he thought about it worried her.

”Elyse trusts you, Sterling trusts you, and the Blackthorns trust you. That’s enough for me,” she said, giving Nox her trust as well. It wasn’t something she gave lightly. she lifted her head and wiped away tears. ”Sorry, I’m crying like a little girl. I just…want to fix it.” she said.

Marta looked around the room and sniffed, finding five things for sight. She felt the fiber of Nox’s shirt, Jackson’s hand, and the floor beneath her knees. She sniffed the air and found two scents. As for taste, well she couldn’t think of what to do for that. She hadn’t needed to ground, but it helped her calm down.

[Nox]

Nox wasn't good at dealing with others emotions, but he didn't feel overwhelmed or even like he cared. He knew he cared, but the numbness was all consuming. He gave Marta a smile and knew that he'd never full her so he didn't try. "You don't have to apologize. There is nothing wrong with crying, girl or not."

Nox shook his head. "But there is nothing for you to fix. All we can do is deal with the hand we've been dealt. And apparently the fates decided that the power and the horde should be gone. I'll deal. I'll survive. It's what I do." He was nothing without the power. And that fact alone should send him reeling into depression and oblivion yet the numbness he felt about everything just overrode the normal reaction. That was good -- and bad.

Ashton sent a text back and Nox knew that meant he was breaking the promise, but the girls knew what they were getting into Ashton like everyone else needed to understand his gift. And with confirmation that the recordings worked. Nox was going to ask him to break that promise anyway. But he'd do it later when he wasn't hip deep in kid's emotions. He should call Hayden. And then there was that outstanding text to Oriena. What was he going to do about that? He closed his eyes and let the world flow around him.

[Legione Sumus]

Jackson Li

Jackson squeezed Marta's hand when she started to cry. Nox tried to reassure her, but that likely wasn't going to help. When Nox drifted into his own little world closing his eyes and his fingers being held by the tiny baby in his lap Jackson tugged on Marta's hand. "Let's go find the others and get to work. We'll see Nox at Kallisti and check on him then, okay?"

[Marta]

Marta felt Jackson squeeze her hand and heard his words, but she hesitated. She still thought there was something to fix - or something to protect him from. She had no idea why, but she felt this urge to shield him from…what? She didn’t know. Marta squeezed Nox’s shoulder and stood to leave with Jackson. She let him lead. As they walked away, she looked back at Nox, sitting with baby Lily, eyes closed.

Marta didn’t cry again, but she was feeling very concerned. His scent had been weird. Sadness was the only word to describe it at the time, but it wasn’t the same as normal sadness. It wasn’t even the depression scent that Elyse had. It was something else - something that she hadn’t really smelled before. The scent was there but it was…dull…it was…

”He smells…numb…” she said when they were out of earshot, finally coming to the conclusion. She had followed Jackson’s lead wherever he had taken her.