Worries [Artskaf]

[Cadence]

The adrenaline of amazing recording sessions and her impromptu time with Ezvin was dying down. Cadence had spent some time at Kallisti when she was able to learn and share more about magic.  She resisted the urge to find the light within her, but ever since The Nest, she had felt stronger. Not by a lot, but it was noticeable. The people at Kallisti were great. They always seemed willing to share and were welcoming. Learning how to connect her power with someone else was pretty amazing too. 

But the energy was coming down.  Cadence knew what this meant. She would crash.  Sometimes it was depression, other times it was anger or just the feeling of not wanting to do anything. What had surprised her though was that she hadn’t wanted to stay in as she usually did.  She didn’t want to hide in her house. She wanted to be out. So she googled places to go and found this cafe with paintings on the wall. Cadence read the name of the artist: Thalia Milton. Cadence wasn’t a visual artist, but she had a great appreciation for it.  Some for for sale - maybe she’d take one home. She ordered her beverage, a cortado, and noticed how the barista gave her a second glance. Cadence just smiled and sat down underneath one of the paintings and began to think. There was a lot on her mind and a lot she was worried about. 

For one there was Nox. She hadn’t gotten a chance to meet him because she had felt a strong need to help the girl Marta, but she already admired him.  What he was doing for those kids was nothing short of amazing. She had finally met with Emily Shale about her orphan project, and Nox was involved there too. Cadence had made a sizable donation, but kept it anonymous. She grew up frugally, but music had made her wealthy. She had way too much so she gave a lot to charity.  She believed in that mission though, but the way he had changed had been on her mind. She hoped he was okay. It seemed like he had a lot of people who cared for him.  

On the other hand there were her parents. Things were very unstable in the United States and she was worried about them. They’d be arriving for Christmas soon. Maybe she could convince them to stay. Cadence just didn’t like them being there with everything going on.

Then there were the normal stressors which at this point was her album. Recording for the new project had been going extremely well though. The momentum had built with Ezvin’s guidance and had just stayed. She had the vision and they were seeing it happen. It had been an amazing experience. 

Her thoughts went to Ezvin and in a way she was surprised he wasn’t among her worries.  She liked him more than she had really liked anyone before. But he had told her early on that he wasn’t good at the long game. Maybe that’s why she was content with where they were currently. She still couldn’t believe she had invited him over. Perhaps she was growing a bit. 

Cadence sipped at her drink and looked around, gauging the other art. It really was a lovely place. Cadence pulled out her wallet and began to look through her contacts. Maybe she could ask someone to come and talk or something.  She didn’t really want to be alone right now, but also didn’t want to bother. Casey would come in a heartbeat. Cadence put her wallet back down and wrapped her hands around the warm cup holding her beverage.  She closed her eyes end breathed in the steam, trying to relax.

[Cadence]

Cadence felt antsy for a bit before she picked up her wallet again. She really didn’t want to be alone and that in itself felt weird. She usually craved solitude when the crash was about to hit, but she followed her instincts and sent Casey a message.

Hey Casey. I know it’s short notice, but could use some company. Can you come chat for a bit?

Casey responded quickly and in the affirmative. Cadence told her where she was, feeling a bit like a weight had lifted. Cadence went to the counter and ordered two danishes and a black coffee for Casey, telling the barista to wait until her friend arrived to make it. Cadence knew what Casey liked.

Casey arrived rather quickly, which told Cadence she had likely worried her. Casey stepped in and gave Cadence a smile before heading to the counter. The barista looked to Cadence who nodded and she poured Casey her coffee. As she sat across from Cadence, the singer pushed a plate with a danish towards her bassist.

”Morning, Cade. You know just what I like,” Casey smiled as she took a sip of the coffee and looked around. ”Neat place!”

Cadence smiled, but it was slightly forced. ”Yeah. Really glad I found it.”

Casey’s face turned serious but lost none of its compassion. ”You’re going to crash soon, aren’t you?” Cadence nodded. ”You usually like to be alone when that happens. What’s different? How can I help?”

Cadence shrugged. ”I don’t know. I just didn’t want to be alone.”

Casey nodded and took a bit of her danish, she looked up slightly in thought. ”You’re changing, Cade, and I don’t thing it’s a bad thing. Just tell me what’s on your mind right now.”

Cadence nodded. She had been changing. She had felt it. Casey knew her well - better than any except her parents. ”Its like I’m beginning to see things differently. I feel happier than I’ve felt in a long time. I feel…free.” Casey smiled at that. ”And the past couple of weeks have been some of the best recording sessions we’ve had. I guess…I was hoping the crash wouldn’t come you know. Just something that said this fight was over.”

Casey put her coffee down and sighed. ”I remember when we met. Freshman orientation at Millikin. I walked into our room to find a quiet young woman who barely said a word to me, and only then it was generally of if I prompted it. I remember the first time I walked by a practice room and heard you sing. I remember feeling like I needed to practice right then myself. But you know what memory I really remember for that year? Cadence shook her head as Casey leaned forward. ”I came back to the room to find you in tears. At the point I knew you better and I wondered what could have hurt this kind woman with the beautiful soul. I asked what was wrong, and you told me you trusted me enough to tell me something. You told me about your painful past that night.”

Casey took another drink of her coffee, gathering her thoughts. ”Cade, I think you’ve been on the road of healing for a long time, and now you’re going through a big shift. And that’s good! But you still have a lot of trauma. You’re going to have days like this hon, and that’s okay too. You know no matter what, I’ll drop what I’m doing to chat if you need it.”

Cadence gave her a smile. ”Yeah…”

Casey gave Cadence an encouraging grin. ”Might be good for you to say some of the things that are going on in your head. Acknowledging the positive changes. Will you share with me?”

[Cadence]

Cadence listened to every word. Besides her parents, she knew Cadence better than anyone. She was also very protective. Cadence thought about the night that Casey brought up. It was the night that their relationship had shifted from roommates to friends. There was more to it than Casey said. She had been with her boyfriend that night and had changed her plans to make sure Cadence was okay. Her boyfriend had thankfully been understanding.

Casey offered to listen and there was wisdom in stating what was going on. Cadence tried to find the words. ”Its just…I don’t know. I see things differently now. I find myself wanting to go out more and talk to people. The idea of hiding is becoming stale. I want…” cadence paused, looking up at Casey. Casey’s attention was completely on Cadence. ”it’s like…” Cadence began to get visibly flustered as she tried to find a way to explain it.

Casey touched her hand, and Cadence calmed. ”Calm…you can do this.”

Cadence took a deep breath. ”Its like…surviving isn’t enough anymore. I want…to live. Really live.” Casey smiled and Cadence, feeling emboldened by that continued. ”Everything seems brighter. People seem less scary. And people are…beautiful. Casey, suddenly I’m seeing people and finding them attractive. I know that sounds dumb, but when the girls in school would talk about this, I never understood and now it’s happening to me. I just sometimes see someone and…and it takes my breath away.”

Casey grinned. ”People like Ezvin?”

Cadence felt her cheeks began to warm. ”That obvious, huh?” she looked down, embarrassed. ”Please don’t make fun.”

Cadence felt Casey’s hand under her chin, making her meet her gaze. ”Im not making fun, Cade.” she smiled. ”it’s really sweet to see you going though this. This is something you haven’t been able to experience before because you had so much on your mind. You’re not just surviving anymore, so things are going to start catching up with you. Things most of us did a long time ago. Just be grateful you don’t have to deal with this and the teenage hormones at the same time.” they both laughed. ”And if you’re ever confused about what you’re feeling or have questions. Ask. I’m sure Cara will help too.” Casey grinned. [color=#b0105]”So…you like him then? I’ve seen the way you look at him.”[/color]

Cadence nodded and turned beet red. ”I…invited him over.”

Casey’s mouth dropped. ”You…invited…And your intention wasn’t just coffee or something. Your intention was to do the horizontal tango?” Cadence nodded. Casey chuckled lightly, and then her face changed, becoming more concerned. ”How did he respond to that? What did he say.”

Ever since the night Cadence had opened up to Casey, Caseyhad always been her protector, so Cadence understood her concern. She noted that this in itself was new too. A couple of wells ago, she wouldn’t have understood what got Casey slightly riled. But now she knew. She was worried Ezvin was going to take advantage of Cadence.

”He said he was tempted, but didn’t want to rush a good thing.” Casey’s facial expression eased. ”He wasn’t trying to take advantage of me, Casey.”

Casey nodded. ””Its hard to not be worried about you, Cade. This is all new to you. I’m not going to tell you who to date or not. I’m not going to tell you who to sleep with either. That’s up to you. I just want you to be careful. You’re a catch, Cadence. Kind, beautiful, and successful, but you’re also a little naive. It’s not your fault, but there are people who would take advantage of that. I don’t think Ezvin would, but please be careful.”

”I will, I promise. Thanks Casey.”

[Casey]

Casey had been surprised that Cadence had asked Ezvin to go home with her. Casey just knew how much Cadence liked her space. She allowed few to enter it. Ezvin was cute and charming. That was why Casey had been concerned at first. Cadence was naive and easy to take advantage of. She had no experience at all with this type of thing. Casey didn’t have much either (dating had been frowned upon growing up, and sex was just plain taboo), but she had some. If ezvin had wanted to take advantage of her though, his refusal would be odd. It had been handed to him on a platter. She considered talking to Ezvin about it, but thought she shouldn’t. She’d stick with cadence though, and help her to be careful. If she was thinking about physical relationships, it would just be good in general.

”You’re very welcome, Cade,” Casey said, touching Cadence’s hand lightly. ”You know I’m always here for you. Just remember you can always say no. Even if you’ve already said yes. If you’re not ready and they’re not willing to wait, then they’re not good enough for you. I hope I’m not being too much. I just don’t want you to get hurt, Cade.”

Cadence nodded. ”Not too much at all. I know I don’t know anything about this kind of stuff. I’m glad you’ll talk to me about these things. Just sometimes…I feel like I’m always playing catch up. “ Cadence said, looking down.

Casey had felt the same. Seemed like everyone around her was getting laid when she was still embarrassed about the whole thing. Sometimes she still felt uneasy about it all. It was just old guilts resurfacing though. ”There’s nothing to catch up on, Cade. When you’re ready, it will happen.”

Cadence nodded. She was really looking better than she had earlier. Maybe they had intervened early enough to prevent the crash, or at the very least diminish it. ”There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you. I’ll eventually have to tell the whole band, but it will be easier with you knowing.”

Cadence was smiling, so Casey didn’t think it was anything bad. ”What is it?”


Cadence leaned forward. ”Im one of those magic users.”

Then Cadence glowed as she touched Casey’s cup. Casey saw red lines of fire go into her coffee, and it began to steam as if freshly brewed. Casey’s eyes widened as she stared at her friend. It wasn’t that she had used magic. It was that Casey had seen the magic happen. She hadn’t touched her magic since she had learned how to control it. She also couldn’t. She felt strangely blocked anytime she had tried.

”Casey, are you okay?”

Casey looked up at her, and quickly realized she needed to get it together. If she didn’t, Cadence would think she’d done something wrong and blame herself. ”Yeah, Cade, I’m fine. I just…never knew someone else who could do it.” It was Cadence’s turn to look surprised.

[Cadence]

Cadence was shocked. Casey had never mentioned this to her or anything. All those years together and they both could use magic. "I...I never knew...you mean it? You can use magic too? For how long?"

Casey looked away a bit in shame and grimaced. Cadence knew that Casey had her own struggles - particularly with guilt for things that her parents had told her were bad and really weren't. Magic was probably one of those things.

"Yeah...since I was about sixteen I think. I've only used it a handful of times, and not as easy as you can," Casey hadn't looked back up.

This was an odd moment for Cadence. Casey had always been solid and strong. She had always worked hard to keep it together because Cadence needed it. The proof was in Cadence's mood, which had shifted from a potential crash to a more positive one. But this was appearing to be something that opened some old wounds for Casey. The two women had never kept score about such things, but Cadence could help her friend here.

"Casey," Cadence said softly and waited until Casey met her gaze. "This isn't wrong...it's part of who you are and that's not a bad thing. You don't need to feel guilty about it." Casey nodded and her posture relaxed a bit. Casey knew what Cadence had said was true, but old guilts didn't go away fast.

The best way to help though would be for Casey to embrace her gift though, something that she was clearly struggling with, but there was something more important. If Casey didn't have control, she could get sick. "You get sick every time you use it."

Casey shook her head. "The first time, I got a bad migraine. The same happened the second time with the added bonus of nausea and fever. The third time, nothing." Cadence let out a breath she had been holding. "It's difficult for me to use...partially because I keep hearing "suffer not a witch to live" in my head all the time, but I have been tempted. It feels so powerful and almost sweet. There is a weird comfort to it, but like I said...not as easy as you do it. Ever since that third time, any time I've tried, I can't...hold it. It's there, but it's like there is something keeping me from accessing it. I don't know why."

Cadence nodded. "I couldn't use it unless I was guilty for a long time. I think it's something like that...maybe not guilt," Casey looked at Cadence, her gaze one that Cadence was unfamiliar with seeing from her friend. Cadence wasn't sure what it meant, but she guessed. "It's not a bad thing. I've seen a lot of good things done with it. Is part of your concern doing something bad with it?"

Casey shrugged. "I think that's part of it. I think the rest is just old guilt that's hard to get over. Part of me really wants to learn what's wrong - I mean - why I can't access it, but I'm scared to do it, and I don't know how."

Cadence nodded and touched Casey's hand gently. She would help, and she knew others who would help too. "We can find out - you and me. I have some friends that can help us figure it out. Casey," Cadence paused, looking at her friend with the genuineness only Cadence Mathis could conjure. "You've always been there for me...for anything. Let me be here for you with this. Will you trust me?" Casey looked at Cadence and her eyes brightened as Casey smiled and nodded. "Okay...let's go get you figured out."

The two women stood up and got their coats on. Casey ordered a cab as they thanked the baristas and left the shop. Cadence would take Casey to Kallisti and they could figure out what was blocking her. Maybe then Casey would realize what a gift she had.