[[ with Thalia ]]

His life was falling apart and he wished for Aurora to be there or someone to physically be there.  But no one was, he'd normally rely on Raffe for comfort but that was over.  And he had no more tears left to cry.  It was the second night he'd cried himself to dry eyes.  And now he couldn't sleep so he sent Thalia a text maybe she'd be available to talk -- if she even wanted to talk to him anymore.  He was a monster... it was everything he had to keep going. 
 
  I so fucked up.  It's over. 

Nox didn't hesitate when his wallet rang.  He knew it was Thalia. No one else called him. And definitely not late at night like it was. She chided him for not just calling. Honestly he forgot, he rarely called anyone either.
 
“Just call me, I said. Any time, Nox. I’ll always answer if I can. Talk to me. You’re somewhere safe, right?”

"I'm home.  In bed." His voice sounded weak even to his ears. He had no tears left to cry and his voice only cracked with strain. "How are you? I didn't wake you did I?"

She let out a great rush of air, relieved by the answer, relieved to hear his voice. "No, you didn't. Sleep is for the weak, and, well, you know. Geez, my heart is pounding; you scared me. You don't sound good though. Do you want to talk about it?" The words were soft. There was some rustling sounds like she'd sat up.

Nox was so glad to hear her voice. He wanted to just hug her and the tears somehow started to fall. "I fucked my life too hell and back three times over. Raffe ended it. Basically said we needed to figure ourselves out. I'm barely making it out of bed. But not sure I am ready to talk. Tell me about your adventures."
 
She listened to what he said quietly, and didn’t interrupt. There were some more shuffling noises. The quiet close of a door.

"Well, you know all about the Pope already. And Philip the goat, who I believe might finally have been starting to like me. Though who really knows with goats.

Have you ever heard much about the lake here? It’s ancient – the deepest lake there is, like it goes all the way to the very heart of the world. In winter it freezes tight, but this time of year it’s beautiful. Like a secret. And well, I could never resist a secret.

There’s a rock on the lake, called Shaman Rock, and there are all sorts of folktales about it – Anastasia, the lady I was staying with, she told me some of them. I’ll tell you sometime; the stories are beautiful, but sad too. Only I drew it, that rock. So many times. Sage helped me find it, actually. I went looking for someone at the lakeside, stayed all day and night. Chasing dreams I don’t understand, honestly, but are there any other kind?

And, oh, gosh, Nox, you should see the stars out here! They’re so bright away from the city lights, like someone just flung a fistful of glitter into the sky. A thousand tiny worlds, a thousand miles away. And the brightest of them all, Sirius; I look for it sometimes, especially when I feel a little lost or like I need to know there's something more, you know? I can see it now actually. It always makes me think of safety.

I didn't find what I was looking for that night, but I did get found." She paused for a moment; a thoughtful sidestep of silence before her soft voice continued, like the turn of a new chapter.

"We discovered caves under the water. And when I touched the walls, the power in me rippled. It was like falling. I don’t exactly know what happened. Inside was like nothing I’ve ever seen. Walls made of water. Seascapes drifting beyond, like the bottom of an ocean. I thought I was going to sink straight through when I touched it. I would have said I was dreaming, except I couldn’t be, because I remember everything about it. I don’t know where it was, Nox. Nowhere here. Compelling, and dangerous too. It’s strange. I could have disappeared in there and never even realised I was lost. I’m glad I didn’t go alone.

We found the face I'd drawn, deep down in that place. The reason I didn't come home after Tartu. She was beautiful and alien, and I think it was a good thing she was so hidden from our world, because she was nothing most people would understand. Maybe that's why I went to find her. I think you know what it feels like too, feeling out of step with the world around us. I wanted to know if it was real. If it meant something.

Sometimes anger is really just pain, and she was certainly angry. There was something else down there too, though; an egg. Its shell was whorled with power like a net, all different colours and patterns. I didn’t even know it was possible to tie it off like that. Inside was a child, all folded up like a flower. That place was ancient and they must have been separated for a long time, Nox. I can't even imagine how that would be. The hardest thing in the world to endure, but she did endure. We all deserve connection. I'm glad we could finally help her."

Nox lost himself in the drone of her voice.  She knew he was having a hard time and she just talked.  It was warm and comforting and the only thing that would make it better would be having her laying beside him. 

She was right about a lot of things and he found his voice in the emptiness of the void that came with the power.  It shimmered and shifted in front of him. The familiar lights of the Aurora Borealis danced from his fingers. "I hate my self for betraying his trust. And there will never be a way I can earn it back since what made me react the way I did is part of me forever. How is anyone going to see past that? I will forever be a slave to the horde.  Its whims are mine. I will always fight it because if I don't I'll become the monster I was. And I don't want to be him. I don't want kill with out conscience."

"Some of us don't see monsters," she said softly. "Not even when they have teeth and tentacles."

“Listen to me. The horde doesn't change who you are. But it does mean you have to make changes in your life. I don't know if you can win back trust once it's broken. But you can't force it either, and there’s nothing you can do about that but to see what happens. What I do know is that you deserve someone who will accept all sides of you, though."

Nox interjected rather dejectedly "I thought he was the one to do just that." The words fell out of his mouth in a quiet whisper. There was pain and emotion tied to it, but words came out with nothing -- just a whisper over the phone. It was like watching the ancient games of his father's childhood bounce from plain pixel box to plain pixel box until it missed -- the rejection and pain bounced off the walls of the power and got lost in the aether.

"But he didn't," she said firmly. "And it sucks. I wish I could tell you otherwise, and I know it hurts. Maybe he needs time to realise what it means to be with you, or maybe it really is over, but for right now the important one is you.""

The words resonated.  She sounded like his sister and even in the void of the power he felt the tears fall and let the power crash around him.  The lights exploding into colorful shards dramatically as the expired into the thin air.  His tears fell silently, he wasn't sure if it was happy or sad or angry.  But that he found them again made dealing with his emotions only a tad bit easier.  Hard to cry when your body says you can't anymore. 

“I never told you this, but when I first came to Moscow my sister took me to see a woman at the Guardian. A patient. She called me a demon. I used to think about that a lot when I was afraid of what was happening to me. It matters what we call ourselves, even in our own heads. You are not a monster, Nox. What did you mean you're afraid of being him? Did you remember something?

Nox hated that anyone could be so cruel, but he understood it all too well too. His voice cracked a little with emotion, but otherwise he was present, the distance chill gone. "Only the most horrible hypocritical thing ever." The peace of before was gone, he was quiet and still in voice but the lights around him swirled with his lack of inner peace. The monster inside. "I saw a blast from my past. A man I admired and adored and loved like a father. A man who taught me to fight and kill without question, all under the Atharim banner. For the greater fucking good. The faces in my dreams have names. Those I didn't know, didn't remember. Didn't want to remember. I know who they are, and what they did to be a part of my murderous nightmares -- my failures weren't my failures. Well they weren't failures are the time -- victims of the cause. A boy who was like me -- who could channel. I can feel his blood on my hands. He did nothing other than be born the same way I was."

She was quiet a while then and Nox's thoughts went places he knew wasn't true.  But that didn't mean it stopped his mind from recoiling with the rejection and hatred he felt for himself. But Thalia wasn't like that and her words only proved the rational side right as she finally spoke. "You should remember them. That's only right. You can't change who you were or what you did, and it's a part of you as surely as the horde is now. But you can't punish yourself forever either. That old Nox is dead, too.”

“What if we did something when I'm back in Moscow? To commemorate those people, that boy. We'll do it every time you remember something horrible. Remember them, remember who you were, and remember that it's not who you are any more, or who you will be, horde or not.”

Nox chuckled softly. "That sounds nice, but I don't know if I'm not still him or not.  The horde is chipping away at it -- at the memories.  Everyday is a new fight.  And Jacob, reminds me everyday of how I used to be.  It's not in his words, or retelling memories.  He's a fucking long-lived Atharim hunter who's bread and butter is killing kids like me.  He's got some new angle, some new line he's trying with saving a few channelers but he still wants me dead.  I see it in his eyes.  He's everything I was taught I should be. I even pulled Salvation and Damnation out of storage against my better judgement.  I don't trust myself." Not that a pull of the power couldn't do even worse damage to himself with so much more ease that the knife and gun Jacob had gifted him oh so many years ago.  A razor thin string of air would be ever so easy.  Even just tugging on the power past capacity would burn him up completely.  The ijiraq's power had scared that fear into him.  Burning from the inside out was not pleasant. But it was always there.  And being without the power scared him even more -- more so now than ever before.  Now what would he become?

"I want to believe I'm not a monster.  But everything tells me I am, Thal. At the very least how is someone ever going to accept the fact that I might never live up to their standards.  Raffe or not. Who's going to jump into a relationship when I'm always on edge -- ready to fight.  Who's always going to have something else driving his desires and needs.  All it takes is a moment to slip and I've fucked up more lives. Raffe's been with it from the start.  Seen what it does and he couldn't do it. And he shouldn't have to."  Nox growled and stood up and started pacing in his room.  "I hate myself right now.  Everything about me. I'm going to fall back on old habits, things that kept me sane.  Be the person my father expected me to be.  I hate him too. I just need to not be me."

“And what if you’re wrong? How will you know if you don’t try?"

The words rattled around in his head.  He did try.  Though he pushed people away more often than not.  He didn't want to get close, didn't want to get hurt more -- again.  Even when he was the one who did the hurting, it was painful.  He'd loved Raffe.  Loved him so much it hurt, and not it was gone from his life and he had to cope.

“I still draw your dreams sometimes, you know. I know they’re yours because of what’s in them, and who. Usually when that starts to happen with people I know, I bail. Who wants someone knocking around in their head, digging up secrets they don’t want to share? It doesn’t end well, believe me, and I can’t stop myself from doing it. I’ve tried. Easier to make the decision to just leave, or never call. And then there was you. You’re the first person I ever stuck around for, and now you're my best friend. I've never had one of those. So don't write yourself off because you're in a bad place.”

Nox laughed and flopped down on his bed with a smile on his face.  "I've never had one either.  You know I couldn't make it through this without you.  All this I'm alone shit, isn't accurate.  I'm not alone.  Not completely.  I got you. And I'm sorry if I don't say it or don't act like I appreciate it.  I'm an asshole, self-centered prick." He chuckled to himself but kept going. "But I need you as much as I needed him. I miss Aurora. Miss my mom.  I thought I was making a family and now it's falling apart. I don't know." He sighed. "I got you.  At least I haven't fucked up one relationship because of the fucking horde.  Thank you, Thal for sticking through it. I should try to get some sleep.  Not that it'll be restful.  I need to go see if Ezekeil's got anything I'll try -- he offered.  And I can see the girls.  Get a hug from one and a punch in the arm from the other I'm sure.  They always make the day brighter -- something to get up for.  That's all I need -- just one reason to get out of bed the next morning.  I'll be fine.  I'll text you tomorrow so you know I'm alive."

"You got me," she agreed. "I'll speak to you tomorrow. Goodnight, Nox."

For its quirks, extracurriculars, and of course its reputation, the Bottom of the Cup Cafe was a popular haunt with students. Nesrin sat ensconced at one of the tables in the Amber Room, with a pile of books, a plate of lunch (the food was very good) and an antiquated laptop. A messy bun, glasses, and oversized MSU hoodie made for a nondescript facade as she tapped at the keyboard. Almaz worked fine for most of her needs; putting faces to names on the powermap was useful, as was the unobtrusive observation: alliances, rivalries, reactions to mistakes. To that end she’d also checked out the RLD venues printed on the cards Rev had given her, though of course that required an entirely different persona. The most vital groundwork was completed in dreams though. The recent anomaly there still shivered her spine with discomfort, but she was on a deadline; she didn’t have time for the fear. And she’d soon know if she’d done enough.

By now she’d moved on from the highrise condo, though its owners had made a very generous (and unknowing) donation to the cause in the form of a downpayment on a small apartment in a cheap part of the city. They wouldn’t miss the money and it had made her look less transient on the necessary job application, which didn’t usually matter for more temp work, but in this case she’d needed to fabricate the credential. She could have asked Zar, but she didn't want the connection to his family name. Not for this. Security was tighter given the prospective clientele, though not quite as robust as you might expect; it seemed the obscenely rich didn’t care who poured the drinks, so long as someone did. Even better if that someone smiled and looked pretty while they did it.

She wouldn’t actually be staying at the rented place, of course; she preferred luxury, and why the hell not? Moscow was a new playground, and Nesrin enjoyed the challenges to be had in her unique method of discovery. Last night’s rest spot had boasted impressive views of the skyline, and she’d toasted them with an expensive glass of wine from the bubbles of a hot-tub. No one would know she'd been there. Borrowing was so much more satisfying than owning.

The new job was secure. As she awaited the confirmation to ping through, she sat back with her coffee. An earbud sat in one ear, pumping soft music, but she was actually listening to the conversation between a couple adjacent; a woman with a lyrical accent, and a man with his head in his hands.

It had been a while since he'd seen anyone.  He got lost down in the tunnel weeks ago.  He'd hid from a group of creatures or so he thought they'd been.  But it was just Nox clearing the tunnels with the others with them.  And that was the last time he saw another person or even a monster.  Food was scarce.  And he was starving.  The tunnels were no place to take refuge but in his haste to flee his impending death at the hands of the Atharim women he'd been with he'd lost track of his whereabouts in the tunnels.

What he wouldn't give for a pair of land warriors.  Or for the traitorous boy god to find him.  But that wasn't to be had.  It had been weeks.  Or at least that's what his wallet said.  Which lost power long before that.  Day and night meant little in the tunnels.  Water was easy.  Rats were fair game.  But even they didn't seem to be present wherever in the depths of hell Jer had descended.  

He was tired and weak and his stomach gnawed on itself.  Jer stumbled into a wall and slunk to the wet floor.  At least there was water dripping from the ground here.  He could survive another day with more water.  That was his goal -- though he had no idea how he'd find his way out of this scrape.

Vaia Plus Employee

Leon Fyodorov is a low level scientist whose main job is to perform field tests on viable subjects.  He uses the Almaz as a means of testing their trials in combat against foes in a semi-controlled situation.

He is currently attached to the CxR project.

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I really liked the opening to this episode. Seeing Gitara’s vision as it was happening in tandem with the birth of the dragon was a great way to visualize what happened. The cute relationship between Siuan and Moiraine was totally on display and I loved the “and you’ll be MY fishwife” banter. It was so cute, it felt like one of them needed to boop the other on the nose! Plus side note, those blue outfits they wore were gorgeous! Upgrading them from Accepted to Aes Sedai at the time of the foretelling made a lot of sense.

I do not understand how there was a Seat for the Amyrlin to sit on in Cairhein. But i guess that’s movie magic? lol. The rest of the room was really pretty though. It kind of looks like the Cairhein throne room in general, so I’m wondering if that’s just a generic throne that just happens to look like the same throne as the Amyrlin Seat in the Hall of the Tower? I dont know.

Leane was awful cold to Moiraine! geez Leane.

Lan and Rand banter was also really good. I loved Lan being all Borderlander and teaching him the same stuff that in the books took place when Rand met the Amyrlin in Fal Dara. “Tuck in your shirt” was such a Lan thing to say. I also really loved Lan telling Rand to be a man by facing whatever came on his feet. But then later in the episode, the first time Rand gets shielded, he’s so NOT on his feet. Lol. Like Geez! come on Rand, at least stand up!

We did finally get Rand’s pretty black coat and cat crosses the courtyard! woo! I was happy with Lan in this scene.

I felt like Siuan talking about caging Rand was a foreshadowing of Dumai’s Wells.

I got pretty irritated with all the people in this episode calling Rand ‘boy’ all the time. He’s a grown ass man. Let’s move on from the boy. He’s not 14. lol. I’m not even going to comment on how one aes sedai was able to shield Rand. I dont know. It took 2 aes sedai constantly channeling to keep Logain shielded, so clearly they are trying to demonstrate that Rand is still early in his development, but it bugged me. Oh well. I’ll get over it. I know why they did it for story telling purposes. I’m pretty much already over it. Those are my two gripes, but that’s ok.

Mat asking Lanfear “who in the name of the Light are you” with extra emphasis on the “light” word made me smile.

Falme looked really pretty in this episode. Almost dreamy. and apparently they have donuts! I am thrilled they filmed all the Falme stuff on location in Morocco. Those vistas were beautiful and made it feel so much more real.
I really liked how Elayne kind of took over bossing Nyn around.

i really enjoyed how all the aes sedai in the courtyard outside the palace are giving each other the side-eye. lol.

The Mat-Ishy conversation was chillingly sinister. Ishy is just crushing the character. Then there was that moment when Mat realizes who he’s talking to and gets nervous, it was so subtle, yet I felt his fear. Brilliant moment. I am convinced Ishy lied through his teeth about the tea’s purpose. I think it is just hallucinogenic. Ishy’s argument totally makes sense. Sign me up as a DF.

Lanfear’s little quirks are perfect. Like her tapping her fingers on the TAR ‘throne’ while Rand is talking to her. and the “oh i do love it when you try to manipulate me.” gosh - perfect. Then we finally get to see some of the Forsaken flexing their power and being actually dangerous as she destroys everything as she walks through the city.

Bain and Chaid! <3 them. Hand talk!! “Life is a dream” quote!

Barthanes being a DF was seen a mile away, I wasn’t sure about his mother, though. So her listening through the grate made me smile because that’s such a Great Game thing to do!  Best surprise of the episode was Barthanes’ acting through the cell door as he talked to his mother.

Best line of the episode was Egwene’s: “Renna, I will kill you.” as she rebraids her hair.

Verin was kickass. Good job, Brown Ajah! And when she quoted the prophecy, I had chills.

I knew Moiraine wasn’t stilled! bawhahahahah. I feel vindicated. 

And Lanfear to the rescue!

To sum up, not my favorite episode of the season, but after rewatching it, I did get into it more. Definitely setting everyone up for the big show down in Falme.

Now that the writers have reached a deal on the strike action, Rafe et al are doing AMAs again, for anybody interested. 

Someone asked about channeling rules, and Sarah Nakamura replied the following which clarifies some things.

   

They must still have some retention of the saidin/saidar divide (to make it necessary for Logain to teach Rand) but that doesn't make it clear if sensing use of the one power is universal rather than gender specific. So I wonder if a channeler can sense any active channeler but only see the weaves for their own side of the power. I wouldn't mind that as a change actually.

Amelia Kensington Blackthorn

Victoria Blackthorn

Maxamilian Blackthorn

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Age: 22
Talent: Siren

[[warning: this may be triggering, abusive relationships, mutilations, slavery and several other potential triggers]]

The Blackthorn Family

Personality:

Ashton exudes a certain charm without trying. All eyes are drawn to him even if he's trying to not stand out. He's been told he has a silvery aura that attracts people. He has a lyrical voice that sounds pleasant and alluring to whoever is listening, his voice tends to change based on the listener, no two people hear him exactly the same. Ashton is a good listener, and he appears trust worthy and inviting -- he is not a threat.

History:

Life had never been easy for Ashton.  Born to an alcoholic father who beat his wife and killed her only days after having their son, Ashton found himself in foster care for most of his life.  At first he bounced around between homes, which was unusual for a baby since adoption was high among those still too young to remember their past lives.  But Ashton was unique despite his blond curls and baby blues his cries were hypnotic and unnerving.  Nearly everyone who held him to calm his cries found their lives short lived.  It was as if angering the baby had cut their thread of fate short.

It wasn't until Amelia Kensington Blackthorn took him home that he found a place of permanence.  Not that he was looking for permanence at the tender age of 10, but he found it none-the-less.  He wanted a home, a family, people to care for him and love him.  But fortunes decided otherwise.

At first it was do the laundry, help with the cleaning, help the gardener and here are your lessons.  Most of which were given to him by an elder boy, Taylor.  He taught Ashton things no ten year old should ever know.  But if Taylor didn't teach him, and Ashton didn't learn, the consequences were dire -- dire as in potential death dire. 

The first night Ashton refused his lessons and Taylor ran to their mistress Ashton watched as Mistress Blackthorn carved a piece of flesh from his thigh and Taylor held him down. Olivia used some sort of magic to heal his major wounds but there was a mangled scare left in it's place -- a constant reminder of his refusal.  Ashton never refused again.

But that wasn't the last of the mutilations.  Nor the horror he watched as he grew up in the Blackthorn home.

When Ashton was 13 he was sent out into the world to bring home a tender boy or girl that none would miss.  It was harder than he thought, and failure to do so in a timely fashion resulted in the tip of his left pinky being severed from his hand and Mistress Blackthorn kept it in a box above the fireplace of their lavous home with all her other trophies from her children's failures.

Amelia Kensington Blackthorn was not the woman she pretended to be -- she was cruel evil woman whom all the fosters hated.  Hated more than the men who fed upon their flesh.

Taylor was a friend, he was a confidant.  And his loss was felt throughout the house.  On his eighteenth birthday the Blackthorn's threw him a farewell party.  They fed him steak and the finest wines.  They dotted on him.  They fattened him like a pig for weeks before that too.  He'd been on a rigorous work out schedule and feeding times.  And he was pampered and prepped until the day before he came of age.  And on that day the Blackthorns gathered in their shared basement abode and they made all of the Fosters, and servants and brothers and sisters -- they all watched as Ambrose Blackthorn slit the throat of Taylor -- who they all loved and then feasted on his heart right in front of all of them.

It was horrible.  The fosters all cried.  Only Olivia didn't she'd seen too many pass through the doors for death upon the same alter upon which Taylor had died.

As Ashton got older the more he feared the day he turned 18.  The month before Ashton prepared himself for the inevitable.  He'd watched other kids leave the house the same way Taylor had and he expected his lot to be called up.  The week before they did not fatten him.  They did not pamper him.  He slept in the same squalor as the other fosters.  They kept him underfed and sent him out to pull in others even on the day of his 18th birthday. 

He never questioned the reason, but Olivia squirreled him away and spoke in hushed whispers. "You are special.  They won't let you go ever.  We have to stick together."

He wasn't special.  He didn't think.  Though Victoria Blackthorn and in fact most of the other Blackthorns all loved to hear him sing.  Everyone asked him to.  Even on the darkest of nights.  Olivia only smiled at him when he protested.  But she was right.  It was years since he turned 18, and he still went out swept men and women off their feet and brought them home to a horrific death.  Though for them it was painless -- a slip of a poison and they'd drift off into eternal slumber.  It was only horrifying for Ashton and the others as they had the responsibility of butchering the people for storage.

Kids came and went.  No one lived past 18 unless they could continue to help the Blackthorns keep their secrets.  Olivia could heal.  Ashton could sing for their supper.  Ethan -- poor Ethan, he had it the worst.  He was the play toy of the evil child Edmund.  Ethan had been 16 when Edmund began teething on poor Ethan.  And since that day he's been Edmund's sole caretaker.  Edmund was an evil child.  Worse than his grandmother.  And he wasn't even like the others -- he hadn't undergone the change as they called it.  He was just the essence of his mother rolled into one small package -- evil for evil's sake.

The only others older than eighteen were Ava and Isabella.  And no one spoke of the girls -- no one saw them much either.  But every so often -- every 9 months or so you might hear them screaming in pain.  They were nothing but breeding stock.  The boys were kept and pampered.  The girls --- the girls found their way into delicacies.  They were the best cuts of meat.  The favorites of the men of the Blackthorns.  A rare vintage they called it.  All except for Max -- Max kept his daughters -- he had no sons.  The women of the Blackthorn blood was growing.  Victoria was no longer the only natural born.  The house sounded like music when the girls played.  It was Ashton's favorite time.

Now that he was one of the oldest, it was his job to teach the others.  And he did his job dutifully -- teaching them the ways of their trade.  Not all of them were good at seduction, and not all of what they did required it.  Sometimes a precious one could be kidnapped.  Though Ashton did not prefer those methods.  The shadows were their home.  But they all wore faces of proud Blackthorn children fostered by the family for their own good.  No one knew the darkness that lived in the shadows of the slightly rich and famous -- and no one cared as long as it never tarnished their name.  And Amelia Kensington Blackthorn would insure the Blackthorn name would live on forevermore as an elite sophisticated family with a perfect life.

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I'll do a longer review/post later, but that was a fucking awesome episode. Best one of the show so far.