What Comes Before

[Raffe]

Knowing Nox, he figured the story would be a long one. Raffe was quiet for the duration, though the sight of tears cleaved right down the middle of his chest, until all he could feel was the beating of his own heart. Instinct urged the desire to wipe them free with the pads of his thumbs, but he wanted Nox to get it all out without distraction. Pain pinched his expression instead as he listened, a kaleidoscope of feeling for the shittiness of Nox’s childhood, but he did not move. Whatever else Raffe’s own childhood had been, he’d never felt he couldn’t be himself. Never had to hide in that way.

At the last half-hearted joke he finally shifted closer. Dark hair fanned through his fingers as he pressed a kiss to Nox’s forehead, then rested his own head close. One hand dipped to cup Nox’s jaw, thumb lightly trailing the path the tears had taken. “You’re not too much, Nox.” The words were soft, affectionately earnest, but solemn too. Because whatever else might pass between them, and whatever else the future might hold, he never wanted Nox to think that.

He let the moment sit for a while before he leaned back. Though he didn’t go far, just rested his own elbows onto his thighs, let his arms hang, fingers brushing Nox’s.

He’d already known about the betrayal, and it still didn’t sit well whatever the circumstances, but he wouldn’t ask about it. He understood, even if it had been a shit thing to do to his girlfriend at the time. Everyone made mistakes, and everyone had a past. Sometimes it wasn’t a proud one.

“It sounds like he knows about the hand, but does he know about the rest? Because if he doesn’t then maybe you need to tell him.” If they’d fought monsters together at the concert, and Jay was a soldier to boot, he wouldn’t baulk at the supernatural infection the bite had caused. Raffe would like to think a friend wouldn’t then allow Nox to hurt himself like that -- and he realised that it would tear Nox apart too, that loss of control against will. But he didn’t know the other guy. The doubt wasn’t pleasant.

The somewhat ironic truth was that Raffe didn’t even usually expect fidelity in casual relationships. But whatever he had told himself, even in the very beginning, he wasn’t sure this had ever been casual to him. Even when Nox’s own words had been the warning in his mind, Raffe knew the way his heart set roots. But he was also careful not to hold too tightly for the same reason. The air blew out his lungs with the pressure, and he rubbed the back of his neck, gaze breaking away a moment. He didn’t refute that it would hurt, because he wouldn’t lie for an empty reassurance. The thought hurt. And he didn’t know how he’d feel if it happened, even knowing it might be something entirely beyond Nox’s control. He did know it wasn’t something he wanted to think too hard about.

“You can’t cut people out of your life because you’re afraid of what might happen. I wouldn’t let you do it to yourself anyway.” The smile was small, but it was resolute. He thought of Ana and Christian too as he said it. Nox had lost so much. The darkness stole more. Raffe wouldn’t let it.

[Nox]

More tears threatened to slide down his cheeks. "You are too kind sometimes. I don't deserve someone like you." Nox gave Raffe a smile to offset the words, it was mostly truth, but there was some ring of a joke to it.

"Jay and I haven't talked since that night. We've texted and sent pictures, but not really talked. Except at the Gala, but he was busy working too. So we haven't really talked. I'll tell him. But I don't know." Nox sighed.

"I don't want to put anything between us. But Oriena isn't wrong. I fear fucking things up with you more than anything else."Nox smirked. "I am not saying those three little words just to get in your pants." Nox took Raffe's fingers with his own. He missed his other hand. "I wish I had two hand to touch you with." He said off handedly.

There was a bit of silence between for a short style. "Actions are stronger than words, right?" But all Nox had to give was his word, there was nothing else that meant as much to him. If he said he'd do something he would, even if it killed him in the end. He had killed Aria -- filling his promise when they joined together to fight monsters. A mutual pact. And she wasn't here to fill her end of the bargain. Nox wondered if he'd be dead already...

Nox sighed. "I know you aren't asking me too, but I need to. I need to give you my word, that I will be faithful to you. It's not meant to prove anything, but if I say it outloud, whatever god or gods might really exist or the universe or whatever heard and my own brain will help me remember. Because seriously, Raffe, I don't want to hurt you." Nox let out another long breathe. "I need to ask Jay if he wants to go on the hunt with me. Because the Ascendancy will trust him, but more importantly I trust him. I'm going with any number of goverment men and I am Atharim. Or was. I am not exactly the right side of the law."

[Raffe]

Three little words were hardly necessary to get into his pants. Raffe grinned a little for the comment, watching Nox’s fingers brush his own. The moment was quiet, and simple, and so honest he was charmed by it. For a short moment at least there wasn’t anything else. Not the dark infection in Nox’s blood, or the power Raffe had to master before it killed him. Just that sense of belonging. Imperfect, and real, and just the two of them.

His eyes flicked up when Nox finally broke the silence. He didn’t need a promise, not really, but his chest tightened to hear it anyway, believing every word. He didn’t feel foolish for the trust, or the way the words made him feel, or the transparency of his expression as he listened. He didn’t look away.

“The more people you can trust to have your back down there, the better,” he agreed. Concern lingered, but after what he’d seen in the dojo he knew at least something of Nox’s capabilities.

[[sorry that’s short and has taken a while. Trying to find my writing head again]]

[Nox]

[[ No worries ]]

Nox slid his wallet over and tapped out a message to Jay.

@"Jay Carpenter" I can shuffle myself thank you. Nox attached the same picture of the arm, him, and Raffe that he'd sent Thalia as it was the only picture he had of the new arm at present. [[ I don't know if Nox sent it to Thalia, but I had every intention of doing so so assuming it's done off screen if it wasn't done in-game ]] The next message Nox smiled at.

But a game sounds fun. After my mission in the tunnels. Fighting monsters, throwing fireballs. Should be a blast. Wanna come?

Nox pushed his wallet back into the middle of the table and looked at Raffe with a satisfied smile, "You are too good for me, but I'd like to try and make up all my shit to you -- probably take forever to do that since it keeps piling on." Nox chuckled. "Oriena rather killed the mood." Nox covered his mouth and tried to stifle the yawn. "Maybe a nap. Wanna join me?"

[[ We can let this end here. Or continue into the next morning so Nox can say good-bye to Raffe. He should get to the Kremlin at some point soon to do that lol ]]