The Siren's Song

[Sage]

Hayden's almost there. Nox too. Adrian and Carmen notified as well.

Nox won't be a comfort don't bother him. He knows. He's got his own issues.

[Nox]

The house was a mess and not just physically a mess -- mentally and emotionally everyone in the house had a bit too much fucked up in them. Maybe it was a bad idea -- maybe it was a great idea. But right now he could only deal with one thought at a time.

Nox was already tired of people worrying about him. And it was just three kids who cared for him. If everyone saw through the mask he was going to really head down to a bad place. Ashton might have the key to that.

Marta and Jackson sat on the floor of the lobby calming down and Liv was rushing back inside when he pushed open the door to leave with Lily tied to his chest underneath his big puff jacket. She gave him a wry smile, and then glanced at the kids sadly. Something had happened but she couldn't deal. He didn't blame her, she had a lot on her plate. She needed her own space.

The are was frigid -- much colder than he remembered. It felt nice to feel something different.

"Hey wait up!" Hayden shouted from behind him as he jogged to catch up. "Talk to me fast."

Nox rolled his eyes. "I'm fine. Really. I won't do anything risky or stupid. I hope." Nox added. He wasn't sure what he'd do if he couldn't feel guilt. "I'll ask What would Hayden Do?"

"God. Don't do that. You'll be jumping everyone's bones." Hayden jabbed at himself almost as often as he jabbed at everyone else -- more so. His own deflection technique. Make sure everyone knows your a player so you don't get close. He did the same thing.

"All I know is the power is gone. The horde is gone. And I remember feeling joy holding Lily but it's not the same now."

"Marta said you smelled numb."

"About sums it up. The power was life and love and glory and everything. It's gone. What kind world is that? One without love and glory and everything else? It's a sad world. I'm fine, Hayden."

Hayden stopped them, pushing Nox up against the wall his fist clutching the front of his jacket just under where Lily's tiny head poked out and she giggled with when his finger brushed her cheek. "Promise me you won't do anything stupid."

A small smile slide across Nox's lips "I promise to call if I have any big decisions to make." Nox leaned across the empty space and pressed a kiss to Hayden's lips. It was neither hungry nor passionate but Hayden let go and put his hand on Nox's hip.

Hayden broke the kiss and pressed his head against Nox's foreahead "You're a bastard you know that."

"It shut you up. Stop worrying about me. I'm fine. Why are you going to Elyse instead of trying to save me?"

Hayden frowned. Nox knew the answer to that just as much as he did. "I don't have to like it."

"We just have to live with it. Go save the one who might actually do it. I need to find Ashton."

Hayden was still close. "I hate you sometimes."

Nox chuckled. "At least one of us does. You know me better than I know myself and that's saying a lot cause I think I know myself pretty well."

Hayden growled. "Downright self aware... No urges to murder and maim?"

Nox shook his head. "It's quiet in my head for the first time."

[Hayden]

Hayden pulled away from Nox and looked truly at the man he'd thrown up against the wall to incite a reaction which was neither primal nor carnal or anything in between. He truly felt nothing and the kiss was warmth and caring but there was something missing from it.

But he truly looked at Nox when he said it was quiet for the first time. No guilt. No love. No hatred of himself. He felt nothing. His consious wasn't weighing on him. Which could be a bad thing. But Nox had a code. He lived by his code and his word. They'd have to talk, but Nox was alright.

Hayden threw an arm around Nox's shoulder and they walked like that the remaining blocks to the club.

The blonde Nox was looking for rushed through the door. The door slamming against the brick wall as he stormed out. Nox held out a hand and stoppd Ashton. "I need to talk to you."

"I'll see you later. Call me! Hayden said before he stepped through the closing door and into the warm of the Employee area. He'd never been back there before. And it wasn't long before he found Elyse sobbing on the floor with Anna wrapped around her.

He knelt down and put his hand on Elyse's head to let her know he was there. "Wanna tell me what happened?" He didn't look to Anna, he didn't want Anna to answer but if she did at least he'd have some idea of what went down. But Elyse was really the only one that mattered here.

[Elyse]

Elyse looked up as she felt Hayden’s hand on her head. The tears subsided a bit. Hayden wasn’t supposed to be here. He was supposed to be with Nox. Nox needed him more. His question was simple, but the answer wasn’t.

”I said something to Ashton. We were helping him with something and…I questioned it. The moral implications of it. Something I wouldn’t have thought about before. It upset him and then…things just started coming to me. Things I’ve done…” Elyse paused. ”You said once you don’t do monsters. Well I don’t do people. I’ve assisted in the hunting of people before. I’ve seen them executed because of what they are. I never questioned it until it was personal.”

Elyse wiped away tears. ”Its stupid. I shouldn’t be reacting like this. I don’t even know why the situation hit me so hard, but then other thoughts started coming too. Ashton has every reason to be mad at the world, but he isn’t. All of those kids do. I don’t. I have no reason to feel the way I do. But I still do. And I’m dragging them - with their real problems into mine. And all I can think is if I wasn’t here…” she stopped for a long moment. Anna took her hands. ”Everyone would be better off. You shouldn’t be here. You should be with Nox because he needs you. Instead you’re here, dealing with my shit. It’s a cycle. Everytime I get better then it comes back even harder. I don’t want to end it, Hayden, I really don’t. I’m so scared and confused. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.”

[Anna]

The guy that Elyse had slept with the night before showed up. That was interesting, but Anna didn’t care right now. She listed to Elyse talk, her heart breaking as she continued to cry. She wished she knew what she could do. She just wanted to make Elyse feel better. She grabbed her hands as she said that everyone would be better off without her. She had words to say to that, but she’d let Hayden talk to her. Right not she just had to be present.

(OoC: Anna is probably gonna be silent unless someone actually talks to her - she’s there - just being quiet and present))

[Hayden]

Hayden shook his head. "I'll be 100% honest with you. I would rather be sitting here talking with Nox. Not because I like him better. But he's easy. You sit. You listen and he figures his shit out. That's how he works. You make me work!" He grinned as he teased her. "Nox is fine. Nox being numb isn't the end of the world for him. For me. And you it might feel that way. But I actually think he's more content now than he's been in his entire life. I'm not saying he's good, or that there's nothing wrong. I'm just saying, right now. You do not need to worry about him. He has a plan. May not understand it yet, but he has one. You and me, we need to focus on you. He can't factor into any of this. Got it?"

He didn't expect Anna would leave. He wouldn't leave his best friend if he had one either. He apologized as he hefted Elyse into his lap and held her tightly against him. "You have to get over the fact that you don't think you are worth any of this Elyse. Your problems aren't less than anyone elses. Your life is not any less meaningful than anyone elses. Those kids have a shit deal handed to them. So does Nox. But that doesn't mean your happy childhood, your raising in the Atharim are any less valid. Every time you think that or say that to me from now on I'm gonna flick your ear. And I'll know if you think it when I'm not there." It was a jest mostly. He did intend to flick her ear every time she said it.

"It's okay if you don't know who you are. You'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. But you have to live to do that. Elyse, you need to find that one thing remember? What makes you get out of bed in the morning. Let's talk about that. Right now it can be a total lie. It has to make you want to live." Hayden looked around no one but Anna seemed to pay them much mind as they sat on the floor. He took a deep breath and spoke softly. "I don't need motivation most days to get out of bed, but I have my why. I get out of bed to show my father -- my real father than I a better man than he'll ever be." Hayden didn't hate Ethan gave him up. He didn't much care that he'd been 13. He didn't hate his parents for keeping it from him or hiding the truth. But most of his life he'd always had to live up to Ethan's reputation. He followed behind his brother/father. He was always compared to him. But Ethan was just another lowlife millionaire with a pedigree that made him what he was. He hadn't earned anything. He had his reasons and his own anger. But very few people knew the heart of it. And he wouldn't share that with Elyse-- not now -- maybe not ever, but she could know even he needed a reason some days to get out of bed.

[Elyse]

Nox was okay. She didn’t believe that, but she wanted a reason to not have Hayden here. Even as she wanted him to be here. It was all confusing. She didn’t deserve this. Hayden pulled her into his lap and held her close, offering a light apology to Anna. She listened to what he had to say, her breath shuddering.

She began to speak when she had a chance. ”But I don’t de…” she stopped as he flicked his ear. ”other people…” another ear flick. Anna, who still had tears in her eyes was smirking a bit at her. ”You shut up!” Elyse said, but it was more playful than anything else.

”I didn’t say anything, but I’m totally stealing the ear flick thing. You’re not getting to wallow about this stuff when your sexy therapist isn’t here,” she gave Hayden a wink.

Elyse took a deep breath and gave Anna a brief smile. ”I get out of bed for Anna and Marta,” she said finally. Anna smiled.

Elyse didn’t mention his father, but knowing that sometimes Hayden struggled helped. She had noticed though that when Hayden had begun to speak softly she had turned away as if not listening. Anna was good people.

”What do I say to these kids - what do I say to Ashton.”

[Hayden]

Hayden was glad Anna was on board with the ear flicking. It made him smile that she would keep it up in his absence. The would flick that feeling right on out. Or make Elyse fear being touched, but he was pretty sure it wouldn't have that effect. He wouldn't have done that with Marta or any of the kids, their issues stemmed also from the physicality of their abusers. And he certainly wouldn't be utterly violent like he had been with Nox out on the street. Everyone responded to things in their own ways.

"You tell them 'I'm here if you need me.' And that's all you can do." Hayden smiled against her hair and hugged her "I've not spoken with Ashton personally but he harbors a lot of guilt. And a lot of anger I think. He's not a kid, neither is Liv. For Christ sake they are older than Nox, and they all still fall under his care. When you can handle it you talk to him. Apologize for whatever its that upset him and you let him say what he has to say. A little time to cool off won't hurt either of you. But you can't worry about those kids, or Ashton. Or Nox. Or me. And I'm gonna say don't worry about Anna. Your why should be that little girl you are helping to raise right. One thing Elyse. One day at a time. Every day it's hard you say. I'm getting up so Marta sees how strong I am. When you are having a hard day getting to work. You say I'm doing this so I can help pave the way for Marta's education. When it's hard, you do it for Marta and only Marta. Because Marta gives you a reason to see the light of another day."

Hayden hugged her "And when it's really hard, you call me. Or you call Anna or Adrian or Nox. I know you don't want to believe me when I tell you he's okay, because like Marta you can smell he's not himself. You gotta believe me he lives to protect his family. It is his reason for getting out of bed. It is his reason to fight another day. Don't think you are protecting him. You let me worry about him and if I start to worry I promise to tell you."

He sighed softly "And you want want to consider talking to a real P-psychiatrist so if medication is needed to stablize or assist in stablizing an attack we have that. My education and my uh connections aren't going to afford any sort of that. It's something to think about, something for Marta too. I'm getting an alert from the Sky that there has been an incident at the house." He hadn't read the message obviously but Sky's notifications came across with a different tone. Nox and Sage weren't the only one using the always on and observant ai in the house to monitor things even if Elyse didn't like it.

[Elyse]

Elyse’s eyes widened when she heard about Marta. She began to search for her wallet until Anna handed it to her. She called immediately.

”Elyse!” Marta’s voice came through.

”Hi Marta - did you have an episode today?”

”Yeah - it wasn’t bad. Jackson got me out pretty quick.”

”Youve been taking your meds.”

”Yes - I’m fine! Just got overwhelmed Elyse could almost hear the eye roll. ”I think Liv is mad at me though.”

”Im sure she isn’t. It’s been a stressful few days for a lot of us. She’s not gonna be mad at you for having an episode. You’re allowed to be upset.” Elyse flinched as she said it, knowing that she should be saying that to herself.

”Im just so worried about you and Nox. Are you okay?”

”No I’m not - I will be - but not now,” Elyse started to cry. ”Nox will be too.”

”Youre crying,”

”I am - it’s okay to cry.”

”okay - can I help.”

”You already are. Do you need me to come over?”

”No I’m good. I’m helping here. I better get back to work - is that okay?”

”Yeah - that’s fine. You listen to Liv now okay?”

”I will - I love you Elyse.”

”I love you too.”

The two disconnected. Elyse sent a quick message to Sage. Is it possible for Sky to notify me if Marta has an episode at the building? Also thanks again. I owe you my life.

She leaned back into Hayden. ”She’s okay. She sees a psychologist and is on meds. Just got overwhelmed with worry. I promise I’ll see a psychologist. Might need some help figuring out how to explain what I’m dealing with though.” she wiped her eyes again. ”Would you be open to me checking in with you weekly - just to go through things. I…want to get better. I’m sorry you…” both of her ears got flicked because both Anna and Hayden had done it.

Anna looked at her. ”No apologies for things you don’t need to apologize for!”

[Sage]

Yes. But you can ask Sky to do that yourself. But I'll do it for you -- this time.

No thanks necessary. And you owe me nothing.

For furture needs. I've installed a 'Help App'. A button to press that will notify Nox, Hayden, Adrian and Anna (and me) your GPS location and you are in need. This is in addition to the voice command keyed to 'Wicked I need help.' or 'Wicked help me'.

You can talked to me like a crazy person like Nox. Just say 'Wicked' and I'll tune in as long as I'm not having sex with my boyfriend or spending other quality alone time with him.