A Nice Chat [Safe Harbour]

[Rachel Shale]

Rachel listened to what he said. She could feel the tears coming. She hated that. Hated that this hurt so bad. There was no sobbing, only a release of tears from her eyes. She wiped them as he finished. ”I really like her. I don’t want to screw this up. I made a stupid choice and it’s hard to not think that I’m going to ruin this. Elyse is special. She’s incredibly kind and sweet. Being with her makes me so happy. Even when I was living in terror, I felt something in her presence. And there’s always this voice. And it’s always HIS voice saying it. That I’m not good enough for her. I don’t deserve her.”

She wiped her eyes again. ”His voice is still there. Telling me things like - I’m a slut and belong to him. No one else can have me. It’s getting quieter. I know the words aren’t true. I know he’s fucking dead, but he’s still here.” sh pointed to her head. ”And I don’t know how to get him out.”

She sniffled. She hadn’t planned on letting that all out. It had just came out. Hayden was surprisingly easy to talk to. ”Elyse knows some of that. Em knows some too. Jared knows a bit. Feels good to get it all out though even if I don’t know what to do about it.” she finished off her drink. ”This is why I’ve gone sober, she said with a light laugh. ”Could you imagine that outburst if I was inebriated. Could I get a refill of this please?”

[Hayden]

"Absolutely." Hayden said, getting up to make another drink for her. "Alcohol has its uses. Not always bad. But I understand."

Hayden brought Rachel a refill of the fruit juice flavored soda. He didn't hide any of the ingredients as he made it. It's was straight forward. "Maybe we need to work on a new voice for you to hear when he starts talking to you from the grave. Is there someone who instills hope for you. Or maybe strength?"

"And know that whatever you say here is between us. The only person who I might blab about is Nox and that is with his permission. Most of the people I help are his charges and he's transparent with them. So it might come out our of habit."

[Rachel Shale]

Rachel had been under the assumption that Hayden wouldn’t go blabbing her secrets to everyone - at least as long as she wasn’t planning on hurting herself or anyone else, and that wasn’t going to be an issue at all. Hayden got her a refill. She thanked him and thought of his idea. It wasn’t a bad one.

The first person who came to her mind was her dad, but that wouldn’t work. It would just make her sad and that just made her more susceptible to her bad emotions. No she needed someone living. And it came down to two people.

”Em or Jared,” she said. ”Or both of them.” Em always worried about seeming weak, especially in front of her and Mara. But Em was one of the strongest women she knew. And Jared - well he was just a solid rock. He always listened to her and never tried to interrupt. He was also good with putting jokes in the right places when she needed it. It could be both of them. ”Jared always tells me Lucio is a piece of shit and doesn’t deserve my attention. Em always reminds me that what he says are all lies and I’m loved.”

[Hayden]

Hayden smiled. "Well, here is what I want you to do. Get one of them to create you a recording of those things. And when he starts speaking to you you can override that voice with theirs. And do that until you hear them instead of his."

[Rachel Shale]

Rachel could do that. It was simple enough. Emily and Jared wouldn’t refuse to do it either. They were incredibly supportive of her. They loved her and wanted the best for her. ”I can do that. I’ll get that done tonight.”

Rachel smiled and took another drink. She saw how Hayden had made it. It would be one to make for herself sometime. ”This was very helpful. Thanks for listening and helping. I’m not sure I have much more that I need to say today. But if I need to talk again, would that be okay?”