Christmas “Celebration”

[Tatyana]

Tatyana answered only with a nod, barely holding back tears. She stood carefully, hanging on the bar, waiting for her balance to find itself again. She took a deep breath, inquired the direction to go, grabbed her drink and headed that direction. There was a bed in the room and she sat on it before taking a drink. She could tell that it was meant to be flavorful, but she didn't care about that right now.

She opened the drawer and found the sweats Hayden had spoke of. She disrobed and put on the sweats. She found the laundry machine and put her clothes in before heading to the shower. She didn't think she'd be able to stand so she sat as she showered. She was usually pretty dirty, but she'd been able to get clean when Zeke had taken her out, so she had less grime than before, but still wasn't really clean. She liked feeling clean though.

Tatyana finished, dried off, doffed the sweats again and headed back to the room.  She finished the drink and lay down on the bed, waiting for the laundry to finish to put in the dryer.  It took her longer than she would have liked to fall asleep. Her mind was moving quickly. Tears fell and her breath hitched, but she kept quiet. She didn't want them to hear her cry as she fell asleep.

---

The first thing Tatyana noticed when she woke up was the headache.  Her head was pounding from the hangover. She sat up on the bed and groaned, burying her face in her hands. Her mouth felt dry. She stood up and felt dizzy. Her clothes had to be dry now, but she didn't go there. She headed back to the bar area, mostly because she knew where that was. She wasn't planning on stealing anything. That was the least she could do for the kindness.  She just sat down and rested her head on the bar. She didn't drink anything, turn on the lights, or anything. She just allowed herself to feel miserable.

[Hayden]

Hayden made sure she found the room and left her to it. His night was uneventful. Ashton had walked home and he was left alone in the house with Ashton's charge. Though he didn't mind. It wasn't unusual to have a stranger under his roof. That's how he'd met Nox after all.

When morning came he made breakfast. He thought about stopping at Nox's to grab some of his early morning food, but that might take longer than he had time for. He still had a stranger in his house.

He wasn't sure when she'd wake up so he made sure that breakfast at least could stay decent on warmers.

But when he came down he fond her at the bar, just sitting there looking miserable.

"Didn't sleep well."

Hayden pulled out a bottle of pain releivers and placed two on the bar in front of her and set the glass of orange juice in front of her. Then the plate of food he'd made for her. It wasn't anything huge, just a classic greek breakfast, one like his mother used to make for him. He usually pared the greek yogurt with the fresh fruit making a parfait of sorts. He had some granola on the side if she wanted to do the same thing to add some crunch. There was also some fresh cheese he'd gotten the day before and a toasty warm crusty bread he'd reheated in the oven so that the butter or honey would melt easily.

He took his own plate and stood opposite of her and made a pot of coffee. Coffee?"

[Tatyana]

Tatyana didn’t look up when he came down, even if she heard it. She didn’t sense the flickering of lights turning on either which she appreciated. His question was met first with a groan. She wasn’t sure if he was joking when he asked if she didn’t sleep well or not. He was a bartender and likely knew what she was going through, hence the lights.

Still she answered. ”Hangover,” her voice no longer slurring. She kept her voice quiet, hoping Hayden would do the same. ”Actually slept okay.”

She opened her eyes at the sound of a glass and pills hitting the counter. Pain relievers were a welcome sight and the orange juice would be great for her dry mouth. She took the pills and polished off the glass of orange juice in one go.

She shook her head no when he offered coffee, and didn’t ask for a refill, but wouldn’t refuse if he offered. Her gaze turned toward the food and she grimaced not because it looked bad or anything. She just wasn’t sure she could keep it down. She never refused food though. She reached for bread and tore off small bits that she ate plain. She’d soon know if she could stomach food.

Tatyana didn’t look up at him or meet his gaze. She ate a few more pieces of bread, and it didn’t seem like she was going to throw it back up, but she wanted to give it more time. ”Thank you,” she finally said into the silence. She had shown zero gratitude last night and that was pretty normal for her, but this time, she felt it was something she at least owed.

[Hayden]

He smiled when she answered him and even thanked him. "You're welcome. I'm not one to judge. I have my own vices. Though impairment is not one of them. But I see a lot of people come into my bar, and it's my thing to figure out what ails them. So I'm just going to say this, you can do with it what you will."

Hayden paused a moment and took a sip of his own coffee before he set down a second cup with a selection of sugar and sugar substitutes with a variety of creamers -- all non-alcholic for this particular plate. "Your vice is an escape from a shitty life. You've got this power inside you which you said you can only access when impaired. So you have an even greater incentive to stay that way. My suggestion, figure out how to access your power while sober. The girls and Nox can help. If not them find someway to do it. I'm told that power is just as intoxicating. More dangerous, but it can kill you just the same. A new resource is opening up, a place where you can get help. It's meant for folks like you, and Nox's charges. And anyone who needs it, really. They have physicians, lawyers, and a skills lab though everything is still very much in the works. You should look at Second Chances."

Hayden didn't mention it was Nox's idea, his plan, partially his money. He didn't want the credit. He wanted it under Zeke's perview, let the Angel of the Undercity claim that recognition. The people in need would be more inclined to go if it wasn't someone who had burnt their prior home down.

[Tatyana]

She didn’t look up as he spoke, but she did pull the plate of food closer. It seemed as if her stomach was going to cooperate this time. He also poured her a cup of coffee despite not wanting one. She didn’t like coffee, so didn’t drink it. She began to pick at her food as he continued speaking. It was a speech she had expected. The whole “you have resources to get help” spiel. She was doing fine enough on her own.

Slowly she began to eat as he spoke. She didn’t mind the speech so much. If he could give her a roof, bed, and food, at the very least she could listen to his speech, and listen she did. He was wrong though. He didn’t know why she drank and took pills. She didn’t respond after he finished, continuing to eat slowly. She was still thinking about going to the club and learning her power more. Sleeping on it had brought it back, but she still had nerves about going. Seemed like they would accept her, but that was precisely the problem.

Her voice was still quiet when she spoke. She picked at her food again while she spoke, looking down at her plate. ”You’re wrong, you know,” she said, tilting her head a bit. ”I don’t drink and do drugs because my life is shitty.” she didn’t say her life wasn’t shitty. ”I do it so I don’t feel anything.” It was more than she had told most people. It didn’t take much to find out that she self-medicated, but she told no one of the pain deep inside that she buried in the drugs she was addicted to.

[Hayden]

Hayden watched. "No one with a good life says I drink so I don't feel. Root case is always a shitty life. You could be a billionaire living in the heart of Moscow and drink your self to death, it's always because you are unhappy. You want to be numb. If you were happy you'd want to feel it "

That was the heart of The problem with Nox. He was happy. He needed to feel that, even with all that shit he had going on

"But you can keep telling yourself whatever makes you keep doing it or you can try to change. It's your choice. I'm here if you want to talk, or need help or need a warm place to stay. It's not contingent on anything. Except that you ask."

Hayden moved around the bar to the stairs. [color=#4abb17]"I have clients to go see. I'm going to get ready then go. Stay as long as you like. Eat what you want. Just don't drink all my stock.[\color]

He didn't wait just went upstairs. He stood on his dial box. And offered help, but only those who wanted it would take it and he had a group of kids to go see. And maybe Nox too

[Tatyana]

Tatyana was pretty sure she had frustrated him. Or maybe she hadn’t. She didn’t know. It was always like that though. It was easier to cut yourself off from people if you upset them even if you hadn’t meant to. Things were always different when she wasn’t intoxicated. Things seemed a lot more complicated.

She finished her plate, feeling shittier than she had when she had woke up. Part of her wanted to follow him, wanted to talk about why she hurt, but she couldn’t find the courage to do it. She stood up and went to the sink and washed her dishes. She didn’t take any more food than what he had offered her, and she didn’t take any of his stock. She put her dishes in the drying rack and then grabbed a napkin and a pen and wrote a message.

I’ll think about what you said. Thanks, Tanya

She out the napkin someplace where he would see it. He hadn’t come back down, so she assumed he was still there. She changed into her clothes, bundled up, and left quietly. She went to the sidewalk. She knew where Kallisti was. It wasn’t far. She looked in that direction, and even took a step that way before turning around and heading the other direction. She wasn’t ready yet. She didn’t know if she ever would be. She left the Red Light District behind her as the pain in her gut began to surface again. She needed to think things through.