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Connor winced at her touch, her smile widened. Too easy and he kinda deserved it. His question was nearly lost in that moment. She could inflict damage, if she wanted to. Aria let her hand fall to her sword and picked up the hilt enough to allow the ring of metal on metal to sound softly through the cacophony of the room. Aria wondered if any of them even knew what that sound was. "Hunting."
It was a simple answer. And completely the truth. But she hadn't bargained on finding Connor, or the blessed pain he brought to the table.
Aria looked past Connor and watched the current fight in progress. A few looked back at her with scowls. "I don't think they want me here too much. If they only knew.
She looked back at Connor, his pain was written across his face. "You done here?"
Aria didn't wait for an answer, she turned around and took his hand. She drank the feelings in, discarded everything else she didn't want. "Someplace a little quieter."
Edited by Aria, Jun 29 2014, 12:40 PM.
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He was having trouble with this. His brain wasn’t working right anymore. At his wince, Aria’s smile widened. He tried to understand that. It didn’t making sense. Nothing did. Including the whole fucking universe. A dead son. A woman that he might be in love with a cold-blooded killer. Both of them able to use magic.
There was only one constant of his life. Loss. Whatever he wanted, whatever he craved, it was taken from him. You want a father? Too bad. You don’t get one. Even when he’s around, he’s not gonna be one for you. And then, when you’re 13, you’ll lose that too. Oh, did you like those grandparents? Yeah, sorry. Married to childhood sweetheart, huh? Nope, not in the cards. She’s gonna leave you for another guy. She realized that she didn’t really love you after all, even after all that time. And now you get to spend the rest of your life keeping your heart walled off. Your mother? I am sorry to tell you that she too will no longer a part of your life. Cancer’s a bitch ain’t it?
Heh. And your son, your dear son who was your life, who was your friend, your bud, who grew into such a great guy, someone you were proud of and thankful you had been privileged to be his dad. That little boy that you swore an oath to….For you Connor, the universe has decided to let you watch him die in agony in your arms. The screams and the tears will haunt you and you won’t be able to do anything about it.
And if you should finally get some semblance of your life back together after all that, some sense of normalcy, even of hope and of possibility, we are going to let you feel a connection that you haven’t ever felt since….not ever. She will consume you and you will finally see a glow of possible happiness in your future. But we will take her from you. But not with something as easy as death. No….for this it will be a living death. Because you will be tormented by her. You cannot escape her because you don’t want to escape her. But you also will be paralyzed by your fear of loss.
The Perfect hell. Welcome to your life.
This was his life. In that moment, the vast bleakness of it all stretched out infinitely before him, the all-encompassing future that he had been judged worthy of from the moment he was born. It was as if the fates or god or chance had decided that on the events in his life, he was going to be coming up snake-eyes every time.
Through it all, the din a cacophony of the fight went on in the background, but he barely saw it. He again became aware of Aria standing next to him. She’d answered him, he realized, and cast his mind back. Of course. Hunting. Made sense. And then she looked at him. "You done here?"
She didn't wait for an answer. She turned around and took his hand. "Someplace a little quieter."
He was done. And he didn’t care anymore. The feel of her hand was a connection to something. At least for the moment.
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Connor's hand, he seemed to follow without care. In the back of the building Aria found a few doors, only one was unlocked, it was a utility closet of some kind with one of those large utility sinks. It looked like it had been used recently from the looks of the sink. Blood was still went on the inside. A paper towel dispenser was conveniently located near the door. Aria pulled Connor in. The pain was definitely enticing. She didn't bother closing the door.
She smiled playfully at Connor. Aria doubted the physical pain hurt as much as whatever it was that was bothering him. Aria dropped Connor's hand and grabbed a paper towel and turned on the faucet to a small trickle and wet the paper. She turned back to Connor. He flinched when she raised her hand to his face. Aria put held his hand and sent him a calm feeling, she wasn't going to hurt him, he'd hurt himself enough for her tastes, she could feel what he felt.
She ran the towel over the cuts and bruises softly, her fingers trailing after to touch the pained skin. Aria looked up into Connor's eyes and watched his reaction, felt every emotion that passed through him.
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Aria led him through the building, checking doors until one of them opened. At this point, he didn’t care anymore. He was lost, the feel of her hand the only thing that made him feel grounded. And then she let go and he felt alone again, the universe laughing again. Fuck… The thought was dull in his mind, the fog heavy. He just wanted….he didn’t know anymore. It didn’t matter. What he wanted didn’t matter. He was meant to be alone. Always and forever. Even if he went to Ayden right now, accepted her right now, he knew….he knew she would be taken away from him or would hurt him. It was his destiny. Alone was his sentence. A part of his heart cried out at the thought, craving to escape the prison he’d been consigned to, desperately hungry for….something.
She raised her hand to his face, a wet towel in it, and he flinched back. She touched him and suddenly he felt calm. Gently, softly, a damp touch to his face, to the bruises, cuts. It hurt, though the touch was gentle. Aria was dabbing at his wounds, trying to clean them as painlessly as possible. He watched her, his eyes swimming. He shuddered. She was looking into his eyes, as if looking for something. So green, he thought. So pretty. He’d thought that the first time he’d seen her. And her touch was so gentle and tender that he felt stirrings, staring down into her eyes. For a moment, he felt something deep- a longing for something that would always be denied him, no matter how much he craved it.
And then Ayden’s face came to him, the way she looked up at him, soft brown eyes so beautiful, the way she stared into his eyes that first afternoon, filled with joy and trust and connection. A stab went through his heart, the pain of it deep. Ayden Ayden…. he thought. She was the one he should be with, not Aria. He wanted to run to her, even though he knew he wouldn’t, he couldn’t. He wanted to run out the door and into the night. He pulled back from Aria’s hands.
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Aria felt the beginnings of something, she'd felt it often enough from her upstairs neighbors, it was boring, but for Connor it brought pain. She smiled as he backed away from her slightly. Aria held his hand firmly in hers and sent him less than what she'd done before to the man who'd stopped her. He didn't need much, she didn't want him falling down completely in love, she wanted to make his pain worse.
Her own guilt stirred, he wasn't an enemy, he'd been nice. But she wanted to feel something. Feel his pain. It overrode her guilt. The pain was intoxicating. It was all she really wanted.
Aria tossed the paper towel into the sink behind her, and put her other hand on Connor's chest. Her hand was still damp, he was still sticky with sweat. She felt everything he did. She pushed everything he felt back into him. Doubling the affect, infinitely. She closed her eyes and luxuriated in his emotions.
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He pulled away but she took his hand. He inhaled sharply, eyes widening as she filled his vision, deep emerald eyes gazing up at him, calling him, perfect plump lips begging to be tasted. The memory of her in that shirt, her perfect round bottom peeking out, so tight and firm. He felt a burning in his chest, hunger.
The memory of his hunger for Ayden, in the kitchen, came back to him. She walks away from behind him, the warmth and comfort of her chest and arm as she leaned over him disappearing. Suddenly he is cold, despite the raging fire in his chest, the aching tightness. His mind is aflame. He gets up from the table and walks slowly toward her, the predator hunting his prey. He comes up behind her and puts his arms around her, nuzzling her neck.
His arms are around Aria, nuzzling her neck, her breath hot on his skin. NO! screamed through his mind. No, no, no, no…He couldn’t do this, not to her. The memory of her- in the hallway; in the restaurant; her sweet concern for him; “I want to be the person you can love.”
- filled his mind. He saw her face looking up at him with such compassion, almost touching his bruised lip. He almost doubled over in pain. He couldn’t hurt her like this. She had given up her life for him, she loved him that much. His heart wanted her so badly. He loved her. He couldn’t betray her like this.
He pushed Aria away. He had to get away from her. Ayden. He needed Ayden.
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Somewhere in the mist of their sharing Connor had pulled Aria closer, holding her, she could smell the sweat from his skin. Feel him close to her. It made her own emotions rear it's head. She felt wanted, needed. Aria knew it wasn't her that he felt for. Not even Dane felt love for her, but then she wouldn't have returned it either.
But Connor plunged into more despair, more pain. He pushed her away. Aria smiled back at him with ill intent. Rejection. She didn't want that she wanted his pain. She could feel it, but it wasn't enough.
Aria wanted more of his pain, she stalked up to him. He backed away, into the wall behind him. He had no where else to go. She put one hand on his chest and fed him what she wanted him to feel. Aria looked up at him and watched the emotions play across his eyes. The adoration, the pain of what he was feeling for her, the guilt for feeling it. Aria wrapped her other arm around his neck and pulled him closer, she kissed him hard, heedless of the wounds he'd suffered. The physical pain radiated through Aria and her body wanted more.
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His back hit the wall and for a moment, the agony that lanced through his body was a blessing, a splash of cold water. And then Aria smiled at him with a feral grin, as if she wanted to hurt him. His mind was pulled in so many directions, emotions buffeting from every which way. He had to get away from her, from this place.
She put her hand on his chest….and suddenly he felt flooded with fire, burning for her. Aria was so beautiful, so perfect, those big eyes staring up at him hungrily, those lips parted, pleading with him to be kissed. She was a goddess and he wanted to worship her, to adore her, to glory in her. Her arm snaked around his neck and suddenly he felt the warmth of her lips on his, her body melted into his, firm and taut. His arm went around her and squeezed her to him.
He is in the bed, arms around Ayden, kissing her. It is perfect, she is perfect. Their lips separate, faces apart by an inch, her moist breath hot on his face, warmth of her skin still palpable. His heart is thundering, galloping. Her eyes are windows with nothing to block them and he can see her to her core. And she wants him, wants the man he is, needs him to love her. He feels as if she is ripping her heart from her chest, despite the great agony it causes her, and offering it to him as a gift, a treasure. And he cups it in hands, cherishes it, struck with awe by the sacrifice, by the complete opening of one’s self to the possibility of pain.
Trust. The thought burst into his mind, clearing the fog for a moment. Ayden trusts me. Even now, even now, she trusts me. She waits for me, hoping that I will choose her despite the mistakes she’s made. She trusts me to choose, hopes I will choose to stop being a dick to her and see what she’s done for me![/ The realization was a physical blow to the head, especially as he realized his lips were glued to Aria’s, his arms around her, squeezing her tight to him, caressing her back and hips and bottom. He put his hands on her shoulder and wrenched her mouth away from his; thrust her body back. “NO!”
was all he said and then ran, ran down the hall, into the room where the fighting was going on, ran out into the street and for the metro. He didn’t stop for his shoes or his shirt or his coat. He wasn’t going to stop until he got home.
The air was cold on his skin, freezing him, his feet painfully slapping the ground. He ignored it all. If he could get hurt trying to avoid Ayden, was willing to seek out pain in trying to avoid his feelings for Ayden, then he could suffer in his desire to go to her, he thought grimly. The anger at himself, the utter shame, drove him on. What a fucking pussy he was. There was no other way to describe it. The cold air and the running were helping dispel the fog around his mind and he felt such deep shame. What was he thinking kissing Aria? After Ayden had given him her heart, after she had upended her life- a bad one, no question, but she had done it for him - he gave into physical lust for another woman? His insides were twisted up in knots. His shame ate at him as he ran.
He made it to the station. Thankfully, he still had his wallet and was able to get on a train, albeit with some odd looks at wearing no shirt or shoes. He was greatful the trains were unattended or they might have kicked him off. He didn’t notice the change in temperature. His mind was on Ayden and what she’d done for him, what she was doing for him. How could he have been so stupid? How could he not trust that? How could he not trust her? She’d shown her willingness. He shook his head at what might have happened. He could have lost her out of fear. You fucking little bitch! You let fear almost cost you something amazing! Life sometimes sucks. So what! You have to live. You can’t give up hope. Because even though it might get bad, you still had those precious moments, those connections. Memories of Hayden, of his mother and father, his grandparents, even moments with Jamie were all part of him. They were good memories and just because he didn’t have them now didn’t mean they weren’t real. He shook his head. Who did he think he was? That he was so important that the universe went out of its way to shit on him? Disgust at himself roiled through him.
He had been this close, with Aria. This close and he would have given in. And then where would he be with Ayden? How could he ever look her in the eye again? Looking at how he had acted toward her, how he had treated her, he already felt terrible. She hadn’t deserved that from him. He would have to tell her about the kiss. And hope that she was more much forgiving and accepting than he had been.
But at least he would hope. No matter the cost, no matter the possibility. For the second time, he’d seen his life without hope. He wasn’t going to live like that. Even if it killed him, he’d rather die hoping than live that living death. He thought of Hayden. I’m back buddy. I’m sorry I fell down again. He took a deep breath. It hurt, but that didn’t matter. But I will keep my promise bud. And then a new thought. Hold on Ayden. Please don’t give up on me yet.
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The pain ran into passion and Aria relished both. But the moment didn't last long, Connor thrust her away from his body yelling no at her. Aria stood in stunned silence. Rejected, and he overcame her powers. That was new.
She watched curiously as he fled, more ran with a purpose. A man leered at her from the across the room. Aria rolled her eyes and walked off towards the door, perplexed. She hated the rejection it but the curiosity of Connor's will power over her own compelling overrode it. How had he done it? She would have to be careful in the future. She still had much to learn.
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Reborn God: Itzpapalotl - Aztec
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Ayden took the drinks back to the Mudaks. Two was all flirting, Ayden smiled at his attempts which she ignored any other thing he tried. She really wasn't in the mood.
Connor never seemed to leave her mind no matter how much she tried, and these jerks made it all the more real.
They ordered food and Ayden could walk away again. But not with out another slap on her rear. She sighed and warmed his drink to near boil. She grinned as she let the gift fall from her mind. He'd be pissed, but it was well worth it.
As Ayden dropped the order off at the kitchen she heard a commotion at the door. She took a peak, and saw Connor, without a shirt, or shoes, it was freezing outside. What the hell man!
Sasha was trying to insist that he couldn't come in. Ayden smiled at her. "Let him in, it's cold out. He'll leave soon I promise.
Ayden wondered what the hell he was up to, why was he with out clothes, and even worse for wear, she sighed as he walked in the door. "Connor, why are you doing this to yourself?
She was slightly aggravated that he'd show up like this. He better not be drunk or cause a scene. She loved him, and wanted to be with him but this was not looking good, she expected an outburst.
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