Kintsugi

[Raffe]

“Don’t worry, they’re fine,” he said of the plants, stifling a yawn as he yanked off what he could be bothered of his clothes. The thanks washed over him but he didn’t respond. It wasn’t why he would help with Zeke, or why he didn’t mind the company now. Resentment didn’t burrow deep in Raffe’s bones. He didn’t want to think of Nox curled out in the hallway, torturing himself.

Raffe flattened himself out on the bed, shifted for room, and promptly closed his eyes. His breathing would have deepened if not for the drift of words into the space between them, and after a moment his eyes fluttered enough to observe what Nox wanted to share. It was a ring. The early morning shadows weren’t nearly so deep enough to hide the offering. Raffe’s chest constricted with what he thought might have been the first emotion to cross the threshold since he left Paragon, but he couldn’t have described what it was. He didn’t want to think about the reasons Nox thought an unbreakable ring a better promise than fidelity in the first place. Which was a markedly cruel thought the moment it crossed his mind. But it was just a flex of pain.

He knew the gesture meant something that words could never encompass. He knew he still meant something to Nox. Only Raffe didn’t want to explore his own reaction, or why everything felt like someone had switched the light out in his soul; the latter of which had nothing to do with Nox or what had happened between them. So he took the ring quietly, though he didn’t put it on a finger, just grasped it in his palm after a moment. Nox called it a promise, but for now Raffe didn’t want to know what the promise was. Or rather he did know, but he didn’t want to talk about it.

“Okay,” was all he said. The ring felt solid in his palm. He let his closed fist lay over his chest, shut his eyes again.

[Nox]

The simple word was not what he'd expected. He wasn't exactly sure what he expected, but that hadn't been it. Hell he expected a lot worse than any of the reactions Raffe had. And right now it just felt even worse than it did before, at least he'd cried, shown some fucking emotions.

Nox rolled to his side away from Raffe. It wasn't to get away from him -- well not because he wanted to. More he wanted to touch him, to fucking hold him and it was killing him to not be able to. He curled his fist up against his chin and pressed the half arm against his stomach and curled up in a ball. He wasn't going to be able to sleep, but not because he was sharing a bed with Raffe. That was the best part of the whole thing, there was comfort in Raffe's room, always had been. Comfort in Raffe even when they were just friends, and now it was fucking ruined.

No, sleep wouldn't come because everytime he closed his eyes he saw a shadow of his former self ripping through people. It always started out as strangers and then got progressively worse after he killed Aria. And then it was every person he knew and tearing into Raffe always woke him in tears. He laid there listening to Raffe drift off to sleep.

Nox didn't know how long he lay there. The girls hadn't stirred but his back was starting to ache from being stuck in the same rigid place avoiding touching Raffe as much as he wanted to. Nox slide to the end of the bed without waking Raffe and flung his legs over and just sat staring out the window. Everything was numb.

The chair clattered to the floor and a sharp squeak of flailing children pierced the silence of the club. "Shit!" Nox quickly moved from the end of Raffe's bed and out the door but not without tripping over his hoodie that had slipped from the chair and fallen to the floor.

Nox crashed into the door. "Fuck!" He bit his tongue in the whole thing as he stumbled out into the hall to catch the girls running flailing into his arms.

Morgan screamed again. Makenzie chasing after her with her bunny. The sterner of the two girls glared at Nox as he scooped her up and wrapped her in his arms the best he could, taking the bunny with his good and and hoisting Morgan into the half arm and knee balancing like a fucking stork while he handed her the bunny.

She might need it a little more than he did at this point, Nox thought to himself as he settled everything back into place.

Mackenzie growled at him. "She has nightmares without this."

Nox nodded. "I know better. What do we need to do to help calm her down?" He asked. He had my own rituals, one of which Morgan was already engaging in and that was hiding in someone safe. Her shaking had subsided a little. "How does food and shopping sound?"

The latter pulled Morgan away from him with the strength of a ten year old she slid down his body and they had to quickly steady the both of them or they both might tumble down the stairs.

Mackenzie looked at Nox's arm then and stabbed her finger into the stump. "What happened?"

Nox was honest "The same thing that killed your dad, bit me. And immediately after the bite I cut off my arm with a flaming sword. Well I didn't I was screaming 'cut it off' at the police officer with me." It wasn't a sword, more like a disk blade or maybe one of Xena the warrior princesses shakra things. Those never worked except in the movies.

[Raffe]

Raffe slept almost immediately, and deeply, like his body was still catching up with the damage. Commotion woke him groggy, and he shifted to realise he was alone, for a moment confused as to where he even was. He must have barely moved; the ring was still in his fist, the circle of it embedded into the palm as he sat up and he realised it was there. There were voices in the hall, and as memory filtered back, he realised the two girls in Nox’s room must have finally woken up. Raffe shuffled off his bed, rubbing his face, and wandered out to the tangled knot of limbs and crying children, and the stuffed toy Nox had been sleeping with in the doorway.

[Nox]

Makenzie wound up her fist wrong and punched Nox in the stomach and shouted "You didn't need to kill my mom!"

Nox squatted down covering the desire to hunch over. He pulled Morgan close to him as he got lower than her sister. "That isn't quite true. In reality, I should have shot myself. But I was selfish, and I didn't want to die so I cut off my arm. " Nox pointed to Makenzie's collar bone. "Your mother was bit there. I can't cut it off. And by the time we killed the last of the horde threatening you, the wound was already oozing black. I shot your mother so she'd die herself and not as one of the monsters. It is a mercy I hope someday someone will do for me."

Makenzie glared at Nox. "Did it work?"

Nox shrugged. "Sorta. I'm not one of them, I got bit months ago. I have no parasites in my blood. My skin isn't sloughing off my bones. But I am different than I was."

"Is that why you tried to kill Morgan?" Her glare returned and Morgan squeezed Nox tighter.

"I lost control. I won't lose control again. I promise." Nox looked up to see Raffe standing in the door. He hoped he said nothing about promises and especially not broken ones. "I lost control because I gave myself a shot that took away my ability to channel. And there is only one other way to take away my power, and I don't intend to let anyone do that if I can see it. I won't hurt anyone, I will kill myself before I let myself do that."

Nox dropped his gaze and sighed. "I will take you back to the church, buy you breakfast on the way. Let's get ready."

Morgan whined. "But you said shopping."

"That is up to your sister Morgan, and Raffe, as he has insisted he accompany us to the church and I don't want to drag him to things he doesn't want to do. Or we can go shopping and let Raffe sleep some more and come back so he can escort us."

Nox wasn't ready to play pretend, but he put on a smile and wore the mask he'd lived with most of his life. "So?" Nox looked at Morgan and then to Raffe standing above him. It'd be so easy he though. But he kept his smile bright and his mouth shut.

Morgan looked to Raffe and shrugged. "Should we trust him?"

[Raffe]

Raffe leaned in the doorway to listen. He met Nox’s look but said nothing, about promises or otherwise. He understood, then, where these kids had come from, and why Nox had assumed responsibility for them. It pulled his gaze away a moment, a pit of kinship that roused memories he shouldn’t linger on. Of those five days spent with his mother’s body. Their fear made sense. The way they had woken screaming.

One of the girls looked up with big eyes and a question he was quite sure must have tied a knot in Nox’s stomach. But whatever had passed between them, it didn’t change the immediacy of Raffe’s answer. The hurt was more complicated than that, but it wasn’t resentful.

“He’s good people,” he said. “No one can keep every promise they make, but you can trust that Nox will try. That’s good enough for me.” His voice was hoarse, and he rubbed the scar at his throat. He might have been concerned it’d scare them, but he gathered they had already seen far worse. He offered a small smile. “But we haven’t met. I’m Raffe. It’s okay if I tag along today?”

[Nox]

The words that rasped through Raffe's throat made Nox want to get up and soothe it. Not that he could do anything but he knew Raffe was self conscious about it all where there was no need. But he stayed down with the girls. And the words eased his soul just a little, but only just a little. He gave Raffe a small smile in thanks for not making their problems, a problem with the girls. He needed their trust.

Morgan untangled from his arms wiping her tears from cheeks with the bunny she clutched. "Do you like shoping?" She curled her fingers in Raffe's and skipped towards the stairs.

Nox cleared his throat. "Darling, you need to put clothes on. I am not letting you out of the club with nothing but a t-shirt and a belt on. I know the girls do not have anything in your size underneat that." Which wasn't exactly true, they probably had undergarments that did fit a little one, however not appropriate for a child. Nox stood up and smiled at Raffe. "I have no idea how long it will take them to get ready. Aurora could take a moment or three hours depending on her whim. Her whim often lead to me being late." And these girls favored his sister in too many ways.

Nox offered his hand to Morgan and looked at Makenzie. "Breakfast, shopping, then we visit the church and make sure no one is looking for you, and then we can come back here and we'll start working on teaching you how to hit things properly. I don't want you to break your hand."

Makenzie nodded and stalked off into Nox's room. "Morgs, come one, our clothes are in here."

Nox slipped into his room and grabbed his own change of clothes. "I'll be downstairs getting ready." And he let the girls do their thing. They were old enough to dress themself.

They readied themselves. The girls stumbled down in their now clean dresses their hair a mess and tangle. Nox spent twenty minutes helping the twins brush their hair. Morgan stood still and pressed her bunny to her face as the tangles were tugged out. Makenzie squirmed and squawked and Nox was being as gentle as he could. "We could just cut it all off."

Juls slapped Nox upside his head as she walked by. "You will do no such thing." And pushed Nox to the side and she got to work on untangling the girls hair in earnest.

They walked. The subway was too busy and they really weren't going far.

Nox chose a dinner that served breakfast all day, but also the whole menu all day. He'd been eating her more and more often as of late, he was unable to satisfy the horde's hunger without a kitchen. He ordered the girls pancakes with bacon and a chocolate milkshake. And ordered steak and eggs for himself with two burgers off the bun as well. Nox started to order for Raffe, he knew what he'd eat. Wasn't uncommon for either of them to bring food for the other, but he let the other man order for himself.

Nox was grateful that Morgan had firmly attached herself to Raffe and kept him engaged. He seemed off, and he couldn't help but think he was only making things worse. He tried not to focus on it and focus on the girls.

The girls devoured their food and would likely have an upset stomach later. They'd have to work on it. Makenzie only took Nox's hand when they crossed a road, but she ascounded to the other side of Raffe the first time she did so out of habit. Nox shook his head. At least they were taking to someone at the club.

But Nox didn't see this working if they didn't start to trust him. He doubted his intentions. Guilt played into it. Connection, but he felt more for Makenzie's plight than their home life status. Anyone could take the girls in and care for them, but Makenzie fostered a bit of hatred he knew a lot about. The kind that killed the monsters that killed her family. It wouldn't leave. Nox was alright with being that monster she strove to kill, someone should.

Nox caught himself almost holding hands with Raffe several times as they walked. But he kept his fingers tucked into the loop of his jeans to keep from reaching out, only allowing it free to hold Morgan's hand when she reached for it.

They walked past a few shops and the girls glanced in but nothing seemed to catch their fancy. A frilly pink party dress caught Morgan's eye and she danced and giggled in her orange polkadots. "We'll get the girls to make you something like that. Something better. I think if the four of us walked into that store they'd through us out before we broke something."

Morgan was happy with the answer but she danced ahead of them and stopped cold in front of a toy store. "Can we go in this one?"

Nox grinned. "I don't know. They might throw us out for playing with all the big buttons." He nodded towards the door. "Shalll we test the theory?"

Makenzie joined her sister and they raced into the door and they touched every button in the place with in reach. They giggled and played with stuffed toys. The shop keep watched with a smile on his face. Nox picked out a couple of gifts for the girls, things he thought they'd like. Nox watched Raffe with the girls, they never really talked to each other, but it felt nice having him there even if the silence between them was tight and strained. The girls didn't notice, they didn't know any better.

When Nox finally coaxed them out of the store he handed the girls a gift bag. Morgan tore through the bag and found costuming set. She giggled at all the different costumes available. Sadly it was all princess shit, Nox would have the girls add some other items of less princessy and with more range. Pirates and nurses while the girls would have sexy outfits they had the accessories galore to add to make imaginations run wild. They sure did for the men and women who came to the club.

Makenzie glanced in the bag with open eyes and reached in and pulled out a pair of red boxing gloves on a string. "You really are going to teach me?"

"I said I would. Those will protect your delicate hands and then once we get form we can take the gloves off if you wish. But you have to do as I say when I say it."

She nodded with fevor. "Of course."

Nox took the girls into a clothing shop that catered to kids. There were many young, toddler clothes, but the older ones were all one of a kind. The ladies who made them by hand. Something that no one else has. Nox had met the woman of the shoppe once. He wandered the district and its neighbors in his runs and walks. She took the girls into the back and they came back out spinning and twirling in different outfits. It was a mini fashion show.

Nox couldn't help but glance at Raffe as they waited on the girls to find something they liked. Though much like the toy story he had to encourage them to leave. Not because they wanted everything, but because they had run out of clothing to try on. It was fun watching them have fun.

They'd whiled away the afternoon and it was growing late, but they still needed to go to the church. Nox did not want to be accused of kidnapping or child abuse or whatever some one thought of his intensions.

The girls held hands in front of them and Nox followed behind with a glance at Raffe. The strain would ease with time wouldn't it? It gnawed at him. The horde gnawed at him. The bunny was cutched in Morgan's hand and they swung them back and forth.

The church was run down but appeared to be in various states of repair. Cracks in the foundation bothered him and if he had learned one thing while down in the tunnels it was that he could shore up the cracks easily. If only his love life were so easy. Nox reached through the sludge and into the power and sent weaves of earthinto the foundation and fixed the cracks. He didn't stand by to watch, so they would likely be imperfect. He'd have to fix them proper later, but if the girls were going to be here at all then they needed to be safe.

"You said Zeke would know if anyone was looking for the girls?" Nox asked Raffe.

[Raffe]

The morning passed and Raffe floated through it like a man going through the motions. He was quiet and insular, poking around his own thoughts like a tongue discovering the surprise of a missing tooth. He couldn’t place a name to the deep rooted unease, and eventually stopped trying. The girls were a good distraction, and one Raffe took to as much as Morgan seemed to take to him. Watching them smile smoothed the sharper edges of his mood as the hours rolled on into afternoon and they found themselves at the church.

“I think so,” he said to Nox’s question. “Or he can help us find out. Most of the people living here used to be in the tunnels.” He glanced over with a somewhat troubled expression, but did not want to add anything to the burden of guilt. These were people fled, who like the girls had seen and lived through horrors escaping the infestation below. It was their choice to remain, though, and they did so because of Ezekiel.

If he was here, he was not usually difficult to find. People tended to throng wherever he was. Though as it happened the man presented himself at the top of the steps soon after, like he already knew they were looking. Given the general mystique that followed him in whispers, perhaps it was really the case for all Raffe knew. His warm gaze found them, and Raffe was relieved to see nothing but benign curiosity. Zeke was an unassuming figure, dressed in a mish-mash of dark clothing, his skin scored with scrawled tattoos. But for all his benevolent reputation here, he was not someone wise to cross. After Nox’s name had been dropped in the confrontation with Cruz, Raffe didn’t doubt Zeke knew exactly who he was looking at.

“You’re new here. Welcome.” Ezekiel’s voice was soft as honey as he descended towards them. He glanced in Raffe’s direction with a small smile, but it was Nox to whom he directed himself.

Meanwhile small fingers wrapped into Raffe’s and tugged. He realised with some alarm that Mackenzie had already run off, and Morgan pulled him to follow. Raffe glanced up at the sky, and found it clear. Nox was not Cruz, he reasoned. And there was no coin this time. It should be fine. “I’ll watch the girls,” he said, as he was drawn away.

[Nox]

Raffe's voice drew Nox away from the man whom he'd come seeking as he followed the line Morgan almost dragged Raffe. "Fuck!" he whispered more to himself. Makenzie's mistrust fired and she was gone in a blink. He can't help those who didn't want his help. But Raffe was going with the girls and that made him feel slightly better.

He turned his attention back to The Angel of the Undercity and Nox smiled at him, probably the first real smile since leaving the club. Not that he wasn't being genuine with the girls, but it was all a mask so as not to make matters worse -- or maybe it was making things worse. He sighed and his smile slipped. "You must be The Angel of the Undercity I hear so much about."

Nox caught the stares from those folks who recognized him from the tunnels, their eyes burning holes into his skin like laser beams. Nothing he could do about it. He offered his hand in greeting. "I'm Nox. I understand you met a couple of my friends a bit back. And I'm sure some of the nice folks around here can probably say a few things about me too. Though I can't imagine they are very nice things. I'm not here to run anyone out. Just here looking to see if anyone misses that pair of girls. And offer whatever help I can, not that I have much to give." He was rambling. Nox took a deep breath and smiled. "I don't want any trouble."

[Ezekiel]

Zeke descended the steps slowly. His gaze followed Raffe a moment, watching as he was pulled along by a child, but if any thoughts passed he did not share them. He was in a mood for flattery, and Nox’s smile and words were accepted genially. Now there was a troubled soul. The warmth of his gaze fluttered an appraisal for the penitent. He had plenty of time for it.

“It is probably not the wisest venture to make alterations to a man’s home before you have even introduced yourself,” he said. But there was no sting in the way he said it, just amusement. He was aware of the stares. He knew what the people here said, and would say, to discover this man in their midst. He knew what they feared too. Zeke had gently stoked it after all, making monsters from shadows, strengthening the tight-knit of their community via their common fears. Where there were monsters there were also heroes after all, and Zeke claimed bountiful worship at that altar.

“Still, it is no hardship to have done things a little backwards,” he added, accepting the handshake. That moment of acceptance, too, would spread. Ezekiel’s favour was no small thing there, and it would churn the waters of gossip. Not that he would be welcomed wholeheartedly. If anything he might find more of them stared. Nox seemed just a little on the edge of desperation; it clung to him like smoke, and the scent was a beguiling lure. Redemption was a story Zeke could twist to his purposes. “Call me Ezekiel. Your friend Cruz was disappointed with what he found here, that’s all. There was no harm done.” He turned and beckoned, heading back up the steps to the main doors of the church.

“Let’s go find out. You paid upfront, after all.” His lips lifted in a small smile. If Nox wanted easy answers he was out of luck; he would need to confront the uncomfortable, and meet the people he had displaced. Good intention or no, there were always consequences. And it was always the people in the shadowy margins who suffered. “We rarely seek trouble for ourselves. Yet you do seem troubled, Nox.”

[Nox]

Nox smirked. "You saw that huh? I apologize, sorta didn't expect anyone but Raffe to notice." He followed Ezkeil through the doors. The stares and whispers grew and they didn't bother Nox much. He was use to people talking in hushed whispers though he preferred if they just said it to his face. Brutal or not he didn't care.

"Trouble follows me where I go. Or may I go looking for it I don't know. But it is what my life tends towards either way. If Makenzie's initial reaction to my visage is anything to go by, there might be a lot of broken fingers if they try to punch me like she did. Every other trouble I bring upon myself and hope that we can resolve them." Nox grinned.

Nox didn't recongize any of the faces watching. He didn't remember the people he saved as much as those he hurt. Morgan and Makenzie's parents were on that list in his nightmares. "They'd hate me even if I hadn't burnt tent city, most people do." Nox joked. "I' know the girls parent's were lost in the attack. I'm wondering if anyone is keeping any eye on them. They've been hanging in the tunnels alone. I can't give them much but I owe them. Owe them all, but unless they are in need of an Atharim weapon I've not got much to offer. And I see the signs of a hunter in Makenzie, and I'd rather she didn't run head long into trying to kill me or other monsters without knowing what she's getting into. It leads to bad things when the kids feel like they need to avenge their parents." Nox was rambling. "Sorry I'll shut up. Not been myself." Though it was exactly who he was being.